After years or sometimes only months of sex with the same partner, the act of love can quickly grow stale.
Your once passionate romps have turned into a chore. Or maybe the passion is still there, but the flame has begun to fade.
Well I have good news for you: Your sex life doesn’t have to be vanilla.
There are plenty of ways to add the spark. But erotic spanking is one simple way to do so.
So whether you want to be strung up by the legs and paddled mercilessly, or you want to introduce your partner to the pleasures of pain, then this illustrated guide is for you.
Now, are you ready to paddle that posterior? Then read on!
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The Psychology of Spanking
Pain is, understandably, something that people aim to avoid.
So, why do so many people enjoy being spanked? The simple answer is, because of our brain chemistry.
When someone is spanked, the sting or burn that the spankee feels is a basic pain response. And when the brain registered that pain has been felt, it releases a cascade of chemicals to combat, or at least dull the pain.
These chemicals include endorphins (which activate opiate receptors), serotonin, and dopamine (a hormone believed to contribute to addictive behaviors). These bursts of hormone releases may be so subtle that you don’t even recognize it on a conscious level. But the subconscious does.
Another reason that spanking may be a popular kink is due to its connection to erogeneous zones. An erogenous zone is an area on the body that is particularly sensitive to sexual stimulation. There are obvious zones, such as the penis head, the clitoris, and the nipples. There are also less obvious areas of sensitivity, like the neck, ear lobes, and behind the knees.
The buttocks is the body’s largest muscle, which is also known as the gluteus maximus. Because of this, the buttocks contains quite a lot of nerve bundlings. This means that the buttocks is a particularly sensitive area, and one that can be stimulated during sex with pleasurable results.
How to Prepare for Erotic Spanking
You may think that surprising your partner with a pat on the derriere is sexy. There are a few things you should do before you add erotic spanking to your bedroom routine, though.
Discuss Your Desires
Before you do too much research on the subject, it’s a good idea to broach the idea of spanking with your partner. In a healthy sexual relationship, communication is key. You should feel free to express your wants and desires with your partner, and you should be receptive to theirs as well.
And spanking is no different.
Whether you want to spank, or you want to be spanked, you should talk openly about this desire with your partner. You may be surprised by their own desire, or if they’ve never thought about it before they may be willing to give it a try.
If your partner is apprehensive, don’t push them.
They may come around to the idea if you’ve expressed yourself genuinely. Or they may never be interested in it, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other kinks they wouldn’t be interested in trying. Just remember that the conversation should be a give and take.
Come Up With ‘Safe’ Words
Once your partner has given the green light, it’s time to talk boundaries. This includes tools you’ll use, intensity, and when the spanking will occur during the sexual encounter.
But you’ll also want to use safe words to be sure that you and your partner are always on the same page. You and your partner can use any words that you think will work best. One example you may find helpful, though, is the traffic light. ‘Red’ or ‘red light’ simply means stop. ‘Green’ or ‘green light’ means ‘keep going!’ or ‘don’t stop!’ And ‘yellow’ or ‘yellow light’ means ‘slow down’ or ‘hold on.’ You can adapt the terminology as you see fit, or use an entirely different set of words/phrases.
Speaking of boundaries, it’s important to set those ahead of your sexual encounter to ensure that both you and your partner have a good time. We talked briefly about these boundaries above, but let’s expand on them here.
First, let’s talk tools. If you’ve been thinking about spanking for awhile, you may already have a few ideas of your own. But your partner should get equal input on the matter. If one of you isn’t comfortable with a particular tool, then it should be off the table entirely. It’s okay to re-evalute in the future. We’ll expand on the various spanking tools below.
When it comes to spanking, you can’t talk about it without discussing intensity. The intensity of a spanking is often determined by the sting the spankee feels and by the mark the spanker leaves behind. You or your partner may wish to start with a low intensity. In fact, I strongly recommend it.
You can start with an open hand, or a padded paddle. With the right amount of speed, these can offer a low-intensity introduction to spanking. As you gain more experience, you may be willing to increase the intensity. This will often result in a harsher sting, and it can lead to light bruising or raised welts.
Whatever intensity you and your partner decide it, it’s important to respect it at all times. And keep in mind that you and your partner are always free to change your preference.
Lastly, let’s also discuss the when. Even once you and your partner have decided to spank, it doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all.
There should be clear boundaries on when the spanking will occur during a sexual encounter to ensure that both partners are prepared for it.
You may decide that spanking is allowed whenever you and your partner are sharing an intimate moment in the bedroom. Or perhaps you prefer not to be spanked during sex, but before or after. Express your desires to your partner, and listen to their own.
Test Your Tools on Yourself
We’ll discuss the many tools available for your erotic spanking sessions later. But before we get into that, we’d like to mention one thing: you should always test your tools on yourself to understand their intensity.
As discussed above, you and your partner will set clear boundaries on how intense the spanker is allowed to get during a session.
If you’re never been spanked yourself, though, you may not know just how intense a particular tool or spanking technique can be. To ensure that you’re always following your partners’ boundaries, it’s important to test each and every tool you use on yourself.
This may be a bit difficult to do yourself, so you may have to enlist the help of your partner. And even if you and your partner agree that you’ll be the spanker for the majority of the time, it’s good to have roles reversed even once so you can experience it from the other side.
Erotic Spanking Tools: Paddles, Floggers, and More
The hand is a great ‘tool’ when you begin your foray into erotic spanking. But soon, you and your partner may want more. So, what tools are at your disposal?
When you first venture into the world of erotic spankings, the paddle will likely be the first tool you encounter in your research. A paddle is a flat (often rectangular) object on the end of a handle. The paddle can be made of various materials, including wood and leather. You’d be surprised at just how many paddle variations there are. A few of these include padded paddles, paddles with slots, paddles with ridged edges, and more.
If you’re ready to kick it up a notch, then floggers are the next tool to add to your arsenal. Floggers are handled sex toys that contain dozens of flexible, leather strips at the end. When the flogger is used, the strips make contact with the skin and the intensity can range from a tickle to a strong sting.
Floggers are a fun tool to add to your spanking sessions because of how diverse they can be.
The most basic of floggers will contain just plains straps, or tassels, while others will contain notches at the end of each one. You can get floggers with smooth straps, braided straps, and anything in between.
A step up from the flogger is the whip. So, how do the two differ?
As mentioned, a flogger is a handled object with dozens of straps on the end. A whip, however, is a handled object with just one light strip at the end. The strip itself is the whip and, when it lands on the skin, it can do anything from causing a slight tickle to drawing blood.
The great thing about whips is you can use them to spank your partner even when you aren’t directly behind them. This is because the strap is usually quite long, and this offers some versatility. You should experiment with whip variations, including handles, strap types, and materials, to find one that you and your partner like.
If you and your partner want to up the intensity, canes are one of the most intense spanking tools available. A spanking cane, sometimes referred to as a punishment rod, is a rigid object made from either wood, leather, plastic, or metal.
The cane can be used to deliver a swift swat to the ass, and it’s usually the most painful spanking toy on the market.
I’d recommend that you not use a cane until you and your partner have used a variety of other spanking tools. It can be easy to become too heavy-handed with the cane, and the pain it can cause is also often underestimated by the spankee. But when you and your partner are ready for the cane, just remember to use clear communication throughout the session.
How to Choose the Right Tool
If you’re just getting started, the sheer amount of tool options can be daunting.
So, where do you begin?
The easiest place to start is with a paddle or flogger. These can be found at any sex store, or even on popular online marketplaces like Amazon. The paddle and flogger are great introductory toys for both the spanker and the spankee, and they’re quite versatile in uses.
When you’re ready for some more advanced spanking toys, then whips and canes are also available. You can pair these with other BDSM toys, such as ball gags and blindfolds. Just be sure to have some clear way to communicate with your partner at all times.
The Best Positions for Spanking
You may be surprised at just how many positions (and variations!) are ideal for spanking. Here are just a few.
Laid Over the Knee
If you’re going for the classic spanking technique, then the spankee laid over the spanker’s knee is the way to go. With the spanker sitting on the edge of a chair, couch, or bed, have the spankee lay themselves stomach first over the spanker’s knee.
The spankee may have to kneel on the floor to support themselves, or they may use another object as a prop. From this angle, the spanker can use their hand or a short spanking tool, such as a paddle, to spank their partner.
Bent Over a Surface
If the spanker wants a bit more movement, then bending their partner over a surface is another position to use. The spankee will bend themselves forward at the waist. They can do so over a counter, tabletop, bedside, or other flat surface.
The spanker can then stand behind them, either directly or to the side, and spank them with their hands, paddle, or even a whip. In this position, the spanker can move more freely and can therefore vary their distance, speed, and intensity more easily.
On Hands and Knees
Whether you want to spank during sex (doggie style, anyone?) or you just want the spankee to be in a more vulnerable position, then on hands and knees is the way to go.
The spankee will get onto the floor or a table. They’ll use their hands and knees to support themselves with their bodies forming a bridge-like shape.
The spanker will then get behind them or to the side of them. The spanker can use their hand of course, but this position also enables the use of tools like the flogger or cane.
If the spanking will occur during doggie style, for example, then shorter tools like the paddle may be preferred.
Standing With Hands Down
This position is similar to the one where the spankee is bent over a surface. The difference, however, is that the spankee will be bent entirely forward.
The spankee will place their hands on the floor, and the spanker can then stand behind them.
NOTE: It’s important that the spankee does not lock their knees while in this position. Keep the knees slightly bent to prevent fainting as a result of blood pooling in the leg veins.
A variation of this is a standing ankle grab. The spankee will still bend over fully in front of the spanker, but they’ll use their hands to grab their ankles instead of placing them on the ground.
Lying Flat on the Bed
In this position, the spankee will lie on their stomach. The spanker can then spank them while lying on the bed themselves, while sitting on the bed beside them, or while standing next to or at the end of the bed.
This position is a great time to pull out the whips and canes. The length of these sex toys will make it easier on the spanker to reach their target.
One last position, and one that you may not have considered, is the kneeling position.
In this position, the spankee will kneel on their knees. They can kneel in a more traditional manner, with their lower and upper legs forming an ‘L’ shape. Or they can kneel completely with their haunches hovering just above their feet.
The spanker can sit or kneel directly behind their partner, or they can sit to the side. If the spankee is kneeling on a raised surface, such as a couch or bed, the spanker can stand beside them.
The kneeling position is ideal for paddles and floggers, as the spanker can access the sides of the buttocks most easily. You can attempt whips and canes in this position, though the angle may make it difficult to make thorough contact.
Sex Furniture: How to Bring Your Spanking Sessions to the Next Level
Sex Swings and Slings
If you’re venturing into BDSM anyway, why not give sex swings and slings a try? Swings and slings are sex furniture that put your partner in new, and exciting positions. They can also be affordable, and they’re easy to hang from sturdy door frames or ceilings.
This kind of sex furniture can be useful if you’re using whips and canes. You can use these swings to suspend the spankee from the ceiling while kneeling on all fours, or lying on their stomachs. The height of this furniture can also be adjusted. This gives you ample access while spanking your partner. You can even use swings and slings if you’re looking to explore the possibilities of BDSM.
Sex Wedges and Pillows
If you need a bit of help getting into the right positions, then wedges and pillows can help. You can use any wedge or pillow, sure. But those specially designed for sex can be particularly helpful. They contour to the body in ways that regular ones don’t.
These wedges and pillows can be particularly helpful if you’re looking to try new positions.
Do you want to get your partner into positions you’d never thought possible? Do you want them to squeal and yelp in ecstasy?
The right wedges and pillows can do just that. That’s because they enable you to reach even the most impossible places with your paddles, whips, and floggers.
How to Add Spanking to Your Usual Routine
Do you want to practice erotic spanking just for the sake of doing so? That’s great! But most people want to find a way to work it into their sexual encounters.
So, how do you do so?
It depends on the level of intensity, as well as what you and your partner prefers. Erotic spanking is a great way to arouse your partner. You may use it as part of your foreplay, or even sprinkle it throughout your session.
This is a great method for those who simply use spanking to get both the spanker and spankee into the mood, or for those who are just getting started.
If your spanking sessions are more intense, however, and they often lead to bruising and welts, then you’ll likely want to save it for the end of your sexual foray. You can use spanking as a final sexual “release,” or as a way to wind down your session.
If you want to spice up your sexual encounters but you aren’t sure where to start, then you may want to start with the basics.
One such “basic” is erotic spanking.
Whether barehanded, with a whip, or even as part of an introduction to BDSM, erotic spanking can be an incredibly versatile way to get into “kinkier” sex practices. And whether you want to be the spanker or the spankee, it can open you up sexually to a world of possibilities.
So are you ready to pat your partner’s bottom red, or perhaps have the same done to your own? Do you want to feel (or deliver) the electrical shocks of pleasure that travel up your (or your partner’s) body and send you (them) over the edge?
Then be sure to absorb, and implement, the tips and tricks above.