20 BDSM Punishment Sex Ideas To Train Your Sub 

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Is your sub acting naughty and misbehaving? Maybe they’re not obeying the rules you agreed on, or paying you the respect you deserve?

Uh-oh, that’s not going to fly – it’s time to put your foot down and dish out some punishment to remind them who’s in charge. If you don’t, you can’t complain if they go looking for a real Dom who knows how to wear the pants.

Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Below, we’ve put together a huge list of BDSM punishment sex ideas for effective behavior training. We’ve also outlined some tips that’ll show you how to discipline your sub the right way.

Let’s get started.

How to Utilize Punishment in BDSM

First off, before we even get started, let’s clarify something important: BDSM punishment is not the same as forced abuse. 

In BDSM punishment, the sub consents to the punishment. They provide their partner with prior authority to dole out punishments when necessary and enjoy this kind of relationship dynamic. It goes without saying that if you don’t have your partner’s consent, you must never engage in BDSM punishment.

Alright, now that’s covered, let’s go over the basics.

Punishment is an important concept in BDSM relationships. A D/s relationship is built around pre-agreed rules and behaviors. The Dom or Domme sets the rules and tells the sub how they should behave, and the sub follows those rules. The goal of punishment is to provide a deterrent to rule-breaking.

You can use punishments to discipline your sub when they’ve made a mistake in order to teach them a lesson and ‘train’ them to be a better sub via negative reinforcement. Punishments can be psychological, physical, or both, and should always be proportional to the mistake. 

Your punishments can be whatever you want them to be; the only limit is your imagination. The only rule is that they must be safe, sane, and consensual

And remember: the goal is to discipline your sub for displeasing you – it’s not about pleasure. Don’t make the mistake of confusing punishments with S&M. S&M involves doling out pain to the sub for their pleasure, whereas punishments are deliberately unpleasant.

That might sound a little harsh, but it’s a necessary evil. Without BDSM punishment, it’s tough to convincingly maintain those all-important power dynamics that make D/s relationships so hot.

Related: BDSM Ideas | An Illustrated Guide

Setting Your Expectations

You can’t punish your sub for not meeting your expectations if they don’t know what your expectations are. That’s why you need to make sure your sub knows exactly what the rules are and how you want them to behave.

The best way to do this is through a BDSM contract. A BDSM contract is an extralegal document that outlines the expectations of both the Dominant and the submissive partner. 

It includes things like what each of your roles will be inside and outside of the bedroom, what’s expected of you, what sex acts are on and off the table, any hard limits you have, and other aspects related to the scene. It might also outline the punishments for misdeeds / breaking the terms you agreed on. 

The contract itself is purely symbolic, it’s not a real binding legal document that would hold up in court. Rather, the purpose is to give you and your partner a chance to negotiate and unambiguously outline the nature of your relationship, so that you can be sure you’re both on the same page and are happy with the arrangement.

Your sub should carefully read the contract and voice any concerns they have before they enter a D/s relationship. 

Of course, you don’t have to have a BDSM contract if you don’t want one, your punishments might be more informal or spontaneous. The important thing is to make sure your sub has agreed to them beforehand.

You should also make sure you go over expectations and explain what they did wrong when you’re disciplining them. This will build trust and help them to understand why the punishment is warranted and fair so that they don’t make the same mistake again.

Tips for Punishing Your Sub Properly

Before we look at some BDSM punishment sex ideas, here are a few tips for punishing your sub properly.

1. Keep It S.S.C

As with all kink, it’s important to follow the S.S.C framework. That means keeping things safe, sane, and consensual. 

There’s a difference between punishment and abuse/irresponsibility, and you must not cross that line under any circumstances. Don’t do anything potentially dangerous, unhealthy, or cruel – and absolutely don’t do anything without your sub’s prior consent. 

For example, things like denying your sub food or water are off the table, as is anything unhygienic or that poses a real risk to their physical health or wellbeing.

2. Always Use a Safe Word

Establishing a safe word is essential before engaging in any kind of BDSM scenes or activities, including punishments. Your safe word should be something that isn’t likely to come up naturally in the heat of the moment, like ‘mangoes’ or ‘elephant’. 

If either of you says the safeword, that’s your sign to stop immediately and check in with your partner to make sure they’re ok. 

3. Don’t Be Angry

Never dole out punishment when you’re legitimately angry. Discipline is about behavior training; it isn’t a chance for you to let off steam or enact revenge. If you punish your sub while you’re angry, it’s easier to accidentally overdo it and go past your sub’s limits – and that’s not good.

4. Match the Punishment to the Crime

As I mentioned earlier, punishments in BDSM should always be proportionate. A minor infraction should, therefore, warrant a minor punishment, like maybe some light spanking or a timeout. The ‘harsher’ punishments should be saved for worse infractions. 

5. Understand Your Sub’s Limits

Different people have different limits, and it’s important that you know your sub’s. For example, if they have low pain tolerance, you might want to keep impact play lighter. Or if they’re terrified of a certain tool, like ball gags, those should be off the table too.  You should never do anything that causes serious distress or that’s not suitable for your sub.

Make sure you’re familiar with your sub’s hard limits before you begin and never push those limits. Subs trust their doms to take care of them and guide them. If you push their limits you’re breaking their trust and hurting someone you’re supposed to care about. 

Personally, I’d also advise against any BDSM punishment practices that involve taking away attention from your sub, such as ignoring them, as this can cause real emotional hurt.

6. Know What they Like & Don’t Like

One sub’s idea of a punishment is another’s idea of reward. And remember: BDSM punishment isn’t S&M; it isn’t supposed to be fun.

That’s why it’s important to know what your submissive likes and what they don’t like and avoid using anything that also serves as an erotic activity as a punishment. 

For example, if spanking turns them on, then it’s hardly a punishment. It’ll only reward them and encourage the behavior you’re trying to discourage. A better alternative might be to make them write lines or do some other less enjoyable task. 

7. Involve Your Sub in the Decision

When you’re coming up with a suitable punishment for your sub, a great tip is to involve them in the decision. When they’ve been naughty, ask them what they think you should do to them. Or even better, get them to ask you to punish them. 

8. Don’t Forget About Positive Enforcement

Contrary to popular belief, BDSM discipline and behavior training isn’t just about punishment – it’s about positive reinforcement too. 

As much as it’s important to punish bad behavior, it’s equally important to reward good behavior. When you’re sub does something that pleases you, let them know by rewarding them.

20 BDSM Punishment Sex Ideas That Are Sure to Keep Your Sub In Line

Alright, now let’s jump into the list. Here are some of our favorite BDSM punishment sex ideas for you to try.

1. Spanking

Spanking is the oldest punishment in the book but it doesn’t mean that it’s not a great one. If you find that your sub has flouted the rules one too many times, the best thing to do is give them a quick spanking to put them in their place. 

You can use your hands, a whip, paddle, cane, or any other impact play tool. To spice things up, get your sub to count how many spanks you give. If they lose the count, start it all over again! 

2. Bondage 

Bondage is another great way to get the message across to your sub: rules are there to be followed. You can tie them up, tie them to the bed or handcuff them to something inside your home. You can also lock them in a cage if you have one! 

If your sub has been particularly bad, then you can intensify the punishment by having them tied up in an uncomfortable position like kneeling or holding an object against a wall with their nose or hands. 

3. Mental Bondage

If you don’t want to physically restrain your sub, you can try out mental bondage instead. Tell your sub exactly what they need to do and have them stay in that position until you tell them to stop. If you like, you can have them kneeling at your feet or against a wall. 

You can also intensify the punishment by having them kneel on something uncomfortable. If your sub fails to hold the position without fidgeting, then you can follow it up with a more severe strategy. 

4. Restriction


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Restriction or restrictive discipline is an easy punishment to incorporate into everyday life. If your sub is struggling to follow your rules or meet your expectations then you can restrict their actions outside of the bedroom. 

You could restrict them from watching porn or masturbating if you want to keep things sexual, or you can stop them from doing the things they like, such as watching TV, eating their favorite meal, or sleeping in the same room as you.

5. Orgasm Denial 

Orgasm denial is one of the kinkiest ways to really show your sub who’s boss. What greater punishment is there than stopping your sub from enjoying the explosive pleasure of a powerful orgasm. Orgasm denial puts you in control of how and when they enjoy orgasms, and they can only have them if they’ve followed all the rules and been good. 

Some doms enjoy keeping their subs ‘locked up’ when they’ve been bad by securing their genitals in a chastity belt or cock cage. You can purchase cock cages on sites like Houseofdenial.com for a reasonable price. They can really up the ante when it comes to orgasm control and punishment. 

6. School Style Punishments

If you want to humiliate your sub for their rule breaking, then you could consider treating them like they’re back at school. You can give them detention, force them to write lines about what they did wrong or how they can improve, or have them write down all of your rules and expectations over and over. 

If you like the idea of playing schoolmaster, don’t forget to accompany your punishments with a firm telling-off or lecture before you let your sub off the hook. 

7. Speech Restrictions

If you already have firm rules in your relationship about how or when your sub can address you then you can increase their speech restrictions as a punishment. 

For example, if your sub is only allowed to address you by using an honorific title, then you could try switching to the ‘only speak when spoken to’ rule. If you already have this in place, then a full ban on verbal contact with your sub can also work as a good punishment. 

8. Figging 

If you want to get really experimental with your punishments, figging may just be the age-old Japanese BDSM technique for you. Figging involves carving a root of ginger into a butt plug and penetrating your sub. I know what you’re thinking, ‘but won’t they enjoy that?’. Well, possibly, but you haven’t heard the best part.

The oils in the ginger reacted with the skin inside the anus to create a powerful burning sensation. Whilst this is all-natural and completely harmless, it’s sure to leave your sub feeling extremely uncomfortable. As with all anal penetration, you might want to use a good anal lube like Valm’s anal lube to make entry a little easier.

10. Tickling

Tickling may not sound like a punishment to you, but we’re not talking about a relaxing back rub before bed here. We’re talking about tickle torture. When carried out properly, tickling can be infuriating and uncomfortable for your sub and leave them feeling extremely punished. 

For maximum results, make sure that your sub is tied up or unable to move, then they will have no way of avoiding the overwhelming sensations of the tickles. Using a feather can also up the intensity. 

11. Rimming

Rimming doubles up as both a punishment for your sub and a treat for you (if you’re into that kind of thing). In case you’re not familiar with the term, rimming is basically ass licking. It’s something a lot of people do purely for sexual pleasure as the nerve endings in your anus are super sensitive and feel great when stimulated.

However, it serves as a great punishment too. In fact, rimming was originally devised as a method of torture in the middle ages.

Why? Because your butt has all sorts of negative connotations, being the place you poop from and all. As such, ass licking is seen as filthy and humiliating – a suitable punishment for a naughty sub. 

To make rimming even more intense, you can try fixing your sub’s head in place and stretching your butt out over their mouth.

Warning: Rimming can be unhygienic and there is some risk involved. Make sure you understand the risks and concerns associated with rimming before you try it out and follow appropriate hygiene practices to reduce the spread of bacteria. Cleanliness in the area is essential. You might want to use a tongue condom or dental dam too.

12. Forniphilia

Forniphilia is a fancy word that means having someone act as a piece of furniture. It’s a specific type of bondage that is incredibly humiliating and restrictive; thus making it both a great physical and psychological punishment.

For example, you can have your sub kneel on all fours and serve as a footrest, or lie down as a table for you to dine on. If you want to up the ante, have them do it naked. 

13. Foot Whipping 

Fun fact: the soles of your feet have more sensory nerve endings per square centimeter than any other area of your body.

As a result of that enormous nerve density, they’re extremely sensitive to touch, and any sort of powerful impact against the soles of your feet will send an exploding pleasure-pain straight to your brain at lightning speed.  

You can probably guess where I’m going with this, right? 

Foot whipping involves using a stick to whack the bare soles of your sub’s foot. It’s a popular BDSM punishment that goes back more than 3,000 years. If you have a foot fetish, you’ll love it.

Related: The A-Z List of Sexual Kinks & Fetishes (Most Common & Weird Types)

14. Electric Stimulation

Electric stimulation (or e-stim) is a special type of punishment that uses electric impulses to deliver safe but effective stimulation to your nerves. It’s super intense and is widely used in the BDSM community in both S&M and as a form of discipline.

Because it’s so popular, the market for e-stim toys is seemingly endless. There’s a whole world of kinky BDSM sex toys out there to choose from, from electric nipple clamps to cock rings.

15. Diaper Punishment

The diaper punishment is a type of humiliation often used by BDSM partners who are into age play. It involves having the submissive partner act like a baby and wear a diaper, and sometimes a pacifier, to show how helpless he/she is and create a significant power gap between them and the dominant partner.

It might sound a little weird, but it’s important to note that the appeal of this kind of role-playing to people who are into it is about the huge power gap that it creates. It shouldn’t be confused with pedophilia and doesn’t reflect an attraction to children.

16. The Pet Treatment

A similar punishment involves having your partner roleplay as a pet. Like the diaper punishment, the point of the pet treatment is to humiliate your sub through having them enact a degrading act, as well as to create a power gap between you. You might have them eat out of a dog bowl rather than a plate or crawl around on all fours. 

17. Public Humiliation 

Another way you can punish your sub is through public humiliation. This involves any kind of discipline that is done in front of an audience. For example, it might be something as straightforward as having them apologize in public, or something even more embarrassing. Having an audience be privy to their punishment makes it all the more humiliating.

18. Pointless Chores 

Everybody hates chores, am I right? Find out which specific chores your sub hates doing the most and have them do that as a punishment. You could even consider binding part of their body (for example, make them wear handcuffs) while they do it to make it even more difficult.

Chores that are totally pointless are even more effective. For example, you could spill a bag of rice and have them pick it up grain by grain with chopsticks, or have them refold towels that have already been folded.

19. Ice-Cube Punishment

Ice cubes are often used as a temperature play tool in S&M, but they make great punishments too. You can trace the ice over sensitive areas like their thighs, neck, nipples, or feet as a way to discipline them. Just make sure you understand the risks, keep it safe, and only use ice cubes if your sub has agreed to it prior to the scene.

Warning: using ice can be dangerous as it can cause skin burns and injuries. Don’t hold ice onto parts of the body with thick skin, like the genitals, and don’t hold them on any area for too long. You should only trace them for brief moments on their skin. Also, never use dry ice as this can be very dangerous.

20. Blindfolding 

Another idea is blindfolding. As you can imagine, being unable to see can be very disconcerting. Consider having your sub wear a blindfold for a set period, or during sex, as a punishment. If they’ve been really naughty, you could even have them wear it for a whole 24-hour period. Again, make sure you only do this if they’ve already agreed to it beforehand.

What to Do After BDSM Punishment Sex 

BDSM punishment sex is there to correct your sub’s bad behavior and help them to be better – and once the punishment is over, it’s over. After you’ve doled out the discipline, you need to take time to rebuild the trust and connection you have with your sub by engaging in some aftercare

This means attending to both their physical and emotional needs. If your punishment had a physical component, like spanking or caning, then aftercare might mean applying some soothing ointment on their body to lessen the pain. 

If the punishment was verbal, aftercare might mean reconfirming that you love them and doing a nice gesture like cuddling or making them a cup of tea.

Final Thoughts 

Alright, that should be plenty of ideas to be getting on with. Doms, what’s your favorite way to discipline your subs? And subs, how do you prefer to be disciplined? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

Have fun and play safe!