BDSM Ideas: An Illustrated Guide

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The 50 Shades Of Grey franchise may have enticed thousands of women into exploring BDSM, but the kink world has existed far longer than Mr. Christian Grey and his world of pain, and pleasure.

In this guide we’ll go over important tips and sexy information that will help you discover your inner dom, ignite your inner bratty submissive, or perhaps help you to shape yourself into a completely obedient slave:

B For Bondage

Does the idea of being restrained by a sexy alpha male send shivers down your spine and tingle into your panties? Does the idea of having full control of your partner through restraint leave you in a hazy high?

Bondage could intensify your sex life!

Bondage is the art of restraining someone with their consent. Items that can be used with bondage can include but are not limited to clothing, chains, rope, and tape.

Bondage is meant to act as a restraint in order to give the top or dominant full power. Bondage can also be used an act of sensory deprivation, making many areas more sensitive then stroked, or touched upon.

Shopping for Bondage Equipment – Key Pointers

If you are new to the bondage world, you should be extremely picky and cautious with the tools and accessories you may want to buy.

DO NOT settle on a product because it is cheap and “seems legit”. You should especially avoid products from apps such as “Wish” as these are not made safely and can cause more harm than pleasure.

DO NOT ever buy items used (gross!).

Bondage Ideas

Restraint’s purpose are to amplify sexual encounters in the bedroom. They are also used to create a sense of safety. There are many different options that you can choose from.

Bedroom Restraints

These are often made out of nylon, and other stretchable material. Bedroom restraints bind a person to the bed by attaching each arm to a bedpost and each leg, forming a giant ‘X”. You can also purchase a bondage bed, which is strictly for restraining a submissive.

Handcuffs

You are under arrest for being so damn kinky! Handcuffs are used to keep the arms together and restrained. Furthermore, you have no choice but to sit there and accept your fate of erotic sex!

If you want a more extreme form of handcuff use, you can purchase handcuffs that come with ankle cuffs and allow you to restrain your victim’s arms and feet in what is known as a “hog tie” position. This adds an added wow to penetration.

Bondage Rope

The purpose of bondage rope is either to keep your partner bound to furniture such as beds, or benches, or couches. If you are on the receiving end, rope bondage is used so that you are restrained in a manner that pleases your dom.

If you are new to bondage you should invest in some training and skills as the art of rope bondage does require some prior knowledge before you just go getting wrapped in someone one, quite literally!

Bondage Tape

This is not your traditional duct tape!

Bondage tape does not stick to skin or hair. It only gets stuck to itself such as by disposing the tape after use.

Bondage tape can be applied to a set of bratty lips or flailing arms or legs.

CAUTION: You do not want to cut off circulation, so be sure you do not wrap bondage tape too tightly.

Spreader Bars

Spreader bars add a little extra restraint to your victim and can help to keep them from moving by restraining their arms or legs wide apart. A spreader bar is considered of a bar and two cuffs on the end of it.

Thigh Restraint and Cuffs

These cuffs sit upon the jaw dropping thighs of your partner or yourself. They have arm shackles attached so that you can also restrain the arms of wrists of your victim, erm, partner.

Armbinders

Just as it sounds these restraints hold back the arms of you or your sensual partner.

Bondage Harness

These scantily bites of clothing are made mainly of leather. Bondage harnesses serve both as a bold and erotic fashion statement but also restrict movements of the wearer giving the dominant complete control of the harnessed area.

If you want to add some spice by humiliation you can try attaching a leash and walking your victim..erm, submissive around.

Gags

An added control of movement is to control the submissive’s bratty mouth. This can be done with a device known as a gag.

You can also use a gag as a means of quieting down a screaming sub when being kidnapped in an abduction play scene. Additionally, if you have an off the wall ticklish partner where they scream and yell, a gag will help reduce their very vocal squeals of torment.

Ball Gags

One of the most common gags you will find in BDSM land.

A ball gag consists of a ball that is added to your victims running mouth, in order to reduce sound, and words making their words incoherent There are two adjustable straps that are also applied to the back of your partner’s head so that the ball gag can stay on without them trying to whip their head around to yank it off.

Bit Gag

This is a gag that has a bit similar to the bit you see a horse bite down on when applying a bridle. Most commonly you will see this gag used in animal pet play. For example you may see a sub on all fours with a horsetail butt plug as their superior orders them around.

Harness Gag

Say hello to a gag that has a little extra sass. This gag surrounds the entire head and roams around the chin and is bucked at the back of the head. Harness gags often have blindfolds as well so that your partner is completely helpless and cannot ask or see what is coming next.

Inflatable Gag

Inflatable gags permit the dominant to adjust the size of the gag in the victims mouth giving the ultimate power to the dominant.

Muzzle Gag

Is your doggy or kitty submissive not behaving themselves? Just like you see muzzles at a veterinary office, there are muzzles intended for animal play in the BDSM veterinary office, shall we say. It connects to the head and muzzles the entire mouth.

Open Mouth Gags

Where ball gags contract the opening of the mouth, open gags hold the mouth open. Open mouth gags are especially popular in forced oral sex.

Spider Gag

This gag creates an arachnid like appearance, hence the name spider gag. It has an open ring at the center that keeps the mouth open and one bar at each corner of the mouth. It is then fastened by a strap at the back of the head.

O Ring Gag

A ring gag holds a person’s mouth open by insertion of a thin ring, that is secured by two straps at the back of the person’s head.

Beginner Bondage Positions

We’re going to show you three beginner positions that you can try tonight and scenarios to play them with!

The Doctor Is In!

Scenario:

You are a doctor and your partner is your sexy patient.

A thorough examination, diagnosis, and treatment, is required!

Steps:

  1. Secure your patient’s arms to your bed posts.
  2. Fold their torso at the hip, so that their legs are now over their head.
  3. Begin the exam by stroking random areas such as the nipples, breasts, and thighs.
  4. Work your way down until you are at their penis or vagina.
  5. Pause.
  6. Grab a short, tie, or other breathable material that can be used as a blindfold and secure it over their eyes.
  7. Whisper the naughty diagnosis into their ear.
  8. Begin to tease the head of their cock or their clit. Continue searching their penis or vagina paying extra attention to where it drives them crazy. Avoid that area.
  9. Just as your patient is reaching climax pull back and say “You seem like you’re ready for your treatment!” Playfully smack them on the ass or nibble their ear.
  10. Reward your well behaved patient by bringing them to orgasm.

You’re At My Mercy!

Scenario:

You are a teacher who graded your partner’s report and it appears they haven’t met your expectations.

They are sentenced to a session of naughty detention with yours truly!

Steps:

  1. Dress in a naughty schoolgirl outfit( you can also get a plaid skirt and a short sleeve collared short at a thrift store that you can trim and shorten.
  2. Sit at a desk with your ass on the desk your legs bent in a cross legged position.
  3. Slap a deck of papers very loudly as your partner walks in the door.
  4. Look at them and sternly say “Miss or Mister (insert name here), your paper received a giant F because it did not meet satisfactory requirements.
  5. Gently tug them by the collar of their shirt, or ear, or hair, and lead them to the bedroom in a cat walk like manner.
  6. Push them into the bed and secure their arms and legs to the bed so that they make a giant “X”
  7. You may apply a blindfold if you wish, and if they are willing to accept, you may also add a gag as well so that they cannot talk back to their teacher, while receiving punishment.
  8. Nibble or lick their ears or neck.  Tickle the inside of their ear lightly with your tongue.
  9. Kiss and lick your way down their body giving extra attention to the spots they go wild over.
  10. Inch by Inch insert your penis, or sit upon their penis slowly, taking your sweet time.
  11. Lean over, making sure to hoover a little bit and ask your partner “ Are you going to be a good student and try harder on the next exam?”
  12. If they answer yes, reward them with release, if they answer no, get up and leave them for ten minutes and then come back to the room and provide release.

You’re Under Arrest!

Scenario:

Your partner has committed a crime and has been charged guilty for being so damn hot.

Time to book em!

Steps:

  1. Sneak up on the perpetrator and use handcuffs, or a piece of clothing, or even rope to bind their arms behind their back.
  2. Search and seize their body thoroughly
  3. If they get too aroused provide a firm smack to their butt or nipples even.
  4. When you are done with the strip search, take them to jail.
  5. Leave them in the room with the doors and windows locked, after becoming highly aroused for ten minutes or more.
  6. When you feel that they have been served their time you may reward them with release.

Peeping Tom

Scenario:

Your partner was caught in the VIP part of the strip club and he didn’t pay!

Time to get your money!

  1. Secure your partner’s arms and legs to a sturdy chair where they cannot topple over and have very limited movement.
  2. Give your partner a thorough strip tease. Take your time making sure to make plenty of eye contact, shimmies, and ass shaking.
  3. Play with yourself in front of your partner.
  4. When you are about to orgasm stop and stare at them as they wiggle in tormenting need to cum!
  5. Make your partner beg for release, wait ten minutes and then you may approach your partner and reward their wishes.

D For Discipline

This is often a controversial term in the vanilla public. Discipline is the art of punishing a slave,or a submissive for their behavior that the top or dominant feels is out of line.

Forms of discipline vary and can come in forms such as spanking, teasing, even tickling. The punisher may use tools or their bare hands for enforce the punishment.

The Difference Between Punishment and Sadomasochism

Beginners, and even intermediate players at BDSM can often get confused between punishment and sadomasochism. While there is the same base of pain in punishment and sadomasochism, there is one major difference.

Punishment or discipline does not always end up in an orgasm, at least for the recipient. Typically the punisher, dominant, or master, is the one who gets to be released and the receiver must either watch or be punished without means of release.

Discipline is to retrain the receiver so that they are more obedient to the dom or master. Where sadomachisism is inflicting pain to a point of orgasm.

Here are some of the plethora of tools that can be used to punish your sub/slave.

Bondage Whips Aka “Floggers”

Floggers or bondage whips are a stock with  cut up strings of leather or another hardened substance. This allows the dominant to inflict various levels of pain to certain areas to provide a punishment that the dom feels is necessary. Various pain levels go from a tickling or lightly tracing the submissive’s body, to inflicting welts on various areas to get a point across.

Spanking Paddles

Keep your submissive in line with a spanking paddle. Spanking paddles are meant to be used on the buttocks area of the body.

Please note you should not use this on the genital area, especially if you are just beginning your journey with BDSM.

Crops

Crops are an optional choice in disciplinary punishments. They allow a bit more control as whips tend to require a little more handling experience. They also are a little bit gentler on a beginner recipient.

Bondage Candles

Want to explore candle wax play without getting burnt? Bondage candles allow pain without burning the skin. You can even use it on a sub’s penis or vagina area!

Wartenberg Pinwheels

This is a metal device that bites the sub’s skin as you run it along their body. It can also be used very lightly and cause a tickling sensation for the submissive who can handle the more gentler sides of pain play.

Nipple Clamps

Give your sub some erotic pain punishment by pinching their nipples using a nipple clamp.

You can make it more intense for you or the sub by adding a Y chain, in which attaches from you or your sub’s nipples and they attach to their penis or vagina. Some clamps also have added weight for a little extra intensity.

Feather Ticklers

If pain isn’t an interest but yet you want to try out discipline, feather ticklers may be an option for you!

They are quite vanilla and extremely simple to use. Run the feather tickler along your partner’s nipples or clit and watch them laugh and squirm and shiver with pleasure, but make sure not to reward them with release!

Types of Disciplinary Play

Now that you are armed with dangerous and torturous weapons of erotic despair, it’s time to learn about different disciplinary play that you can try at home!

WARNING: you may unleash a kinky and naughty dominant beast!

We’ll also give you a scene and scenario of each type!

Edging

No, we aren’t talking about landscaping your lawn here!

Edging is the act of bringing yourself or a partner to orgasm and then denying them. Edging is one of the more “gentler” ways to introduce yourself and/or your partner to discipline and BDSM.

What purpose would edging ACTUALLY serve? For one thing it can be used as a form of psychological and even physical control.

Did we mention it can lead to explosive orgasms? Edging can also push your partner to last longer in the bedroom and can even prevent the dreaded falling asleep after orgasm!

That means Ryan or Mary has no excuse but the return the favor or orgasm. Sorry fellas no Superbowl party excuses now!

How to Incorporate Edging Into The Bedroom

Below is an example that you can use to give your misbehaving partner tonight in the room!

Scenario

Wait for a time that your partner does not perform a chore they promised to do such as taking the trash out, taking the dog for a walk, or cleaning the dishes.

  1. Get very sensual with your partner, nibble their ear, massage their tongue with yours, etc.
  2. Lick their balls, or nibble their clit.  Perform your partner’s favorite sexy activity to bring them to orgasm, but DON’T!
  3. As soon as your partner is right at their peak, pull away and sit on edge of the bed.
  4. Look them sternly in their eyes and ask them “Do you know why you’re punished?”
  5. If they say yes, and answer correctly, reward them.
  6. If they say no, avoid their areas that will make them come and continue to make them hold their orgasms until they learn from their unfortunate mistake!

Tickling

Remember being tickled as a child, or by a playful boyfriend? Turns out that tickling can also be used as a way to punish and you can even couple it with edging for the ultimate punishment.

You will want to consider if your partner is okay with being tickled. If they aren’t a fan of having their toes tickled to reckless abandon, you may want to consider another form of disciplinary action.

If you’re partner is so ticklish that they thrash and kick you may want to restrain them for protection of being punched or kicked.

You may also want to consider a “safe word”. A safe word is a word that is used in tickling and other forms of BDSM that is used to express the sub’s term of surrender.

It means that all tickling or other BDSM form needs to stop, your partner has had enough..

Some people in the BDSM have a tickling fetish in other words they get off to tickling as a form of foreplay before the big O. You may find that tickling excites you or your partner as well!

Scenario

It’s Halloween and you dressed in the sexiest costume ever!

But your partner voted for someone else to be nominated sexiest Halloweener ever! Rude!

  1. Grab some bondage rope.
  2. While sitting on the couch grab your partner’s feet
  3. Apply the rope, or pin their feet under your arms or in the crook of their elbows.
  4. Confess why your partner is being punished
  5. You can also make it into a fun and twistedly, devious game telling them if they can keep a straight face while you tickle each foot, one at a time, that they will be released from torment. Consider telling them if they keep from laughing you’ll allow them revenge on you. On the flip side, if they even let out a small chuckle they must agree to a 10 minute tickle session in the bedroom where you will exploit all of their worst ticklish spots.
  6. To better your chances at having the upper hand, pay extra close attention to places where they may flink their foot, or curl their toes.  For example, generally the toes can be extremely ticklish for many people.  Gently hold back the toes and lightly trace your finger pad or fingernail along the line of the toes.  Chances are your partner will scream, gasp, jerk, and thrash. Because the area is not often touched it remains soft and sinfully sensitive.  You can also try pinning the ball of the foot back and spidering your fingers right in the middle of the foot.  Or spider your nails around the heels.  These are all extremely sensitive and ticklish areas that should have your victim barking in laughter.
  7. If they fail, you can mix tickling and edging together.  When they are about to hit climax switch your tactic and go for an unbearably ticklish area that will make them whoop in hysterics.
  8. When you feel punishment has been served you can allow them to release.

SM For Sadomasochism

Want something a little more intense? You may want to look into sadomasochism.

Sadomasochism is where one or more parties receive or inflict pain or humiliation in order to achieve orgasm, although this is not always the case. Some examples of sadomasochism can include whipping, degradation emotionally and sexually, candle wax play, and extreme temperature exposure.

The level of pain depends on the agreed forms of pain between dominant and submissive. This can be something as vanilla as a feather tickler that is used to inflict pain on the submissive to please both or one party. It can become extreme in some cases such as using a fire or electric toys such as mini torches and small tasers that are made especially for pain play.

Types of Sadomasochism Play

While these are two forms of sadistic play, please note that you can google the term ‘sadomasochism’ and find numerous articles and play types.

Spanking

Beginner couples just getting into sadomasochism often find themselves attracted to the art of smacking the buttocks also known as “spanking”.

Spanking is a rather simple form of sadomasochism, and can be combined with many other forms of play in BDSM. Spanking can range from a gentle, and playful pat, to a blistering red welt left as evidence of the naughty happenings of the night, and as a reminder to the submissive.

It is important to keep in mind that you should start off slow and stop to ask your partner every now and then if they are okay during the spanking session.

As we said spanking is an art and there is a right way and a wrong way to spank your partner.

  • DO keep all fingers together, and your hand flat. Spreading your fingers will hurt your partner and not in a spicy way!
  • DON’T just go in ham on their derriere because they agreed to spanking. Especially if this is your first time, engaged in a little fore play such as oral stimulation.  If you partner is up for it, instead of focusing on the penis or the vagina you can provide oral stimulation of the anus and butt cheeks. Just make sure your partner is clean back there first!
  • DO hit the fleshy part of the bum with an upworks motion.
  • DON’T hit on the more bony parts of the ass so avoid hitting near the lower back
  • DO rub your partner’s butt between each spank, it will prevent the area from getting sore too fast. If your partner is seeming to be enjoying his/her’s rear end being spanked, but the area becomes sore, you can move on to another part of the body area and come back to their ass later.
  • Once you both begin to become comfortable with spanking you can add more spice by adding things such as a flogger, or a belt.

I Caught You Scenario

You just caught your partner eating cookies before dinner after you advised them not to!  Time for a spanking!

  1. Firmly, yet gently pick your partner up over your shoulder and carry them to the bedroom.  Or lead them by a tie or leash, to make things interesting.
  2. When arrive to the bedroom, gently have them on their hands and knees either on the floor or bed.
  3. Sternly tell them “you’re going to count with me until we get to 10 do you understand?”
  4. When they accept their punishment, pull their pants and undergarments down revealing their butt.
  5. Apply soft smacks to start with the technique we have given you.
  6. Count the five, applying one smack as you count.
  7. Stop after five, rub their bottom and ask if they like the spanking or want you to rougher.
  8. If they say yes, increase your pressure, if they say no continue until you get to 10.
  9. Stop at 10 rub their butt, apply their clothes and ask if they are okay.

Figging

Another form of sadomasicism is something known as figging. Figging is sticking a piece of freshly cut ginger into the rectum of the recipient.

This coupled with spanking, for example can add a little extra kink. The ginger acts as a warming agent and will in fact provide a warming sensation and then a burning sensation.

This will not harm your partner or provide any sort of physical damage to their behind. You can also intensify the burning sensation by adding a little lube first.

Be sure that the piece of finger you are using does not having any jags or cuts in it as they can irritate and hurt your partner and not in a kinky way. Be careful to ensure that you enter your victim from the backdoor slowly.

BONUS: Master/Slave Play

In BDSM there is another element that you may consider also known as slave and master or S and M. This is an act of consensually giving a male or female permission to own you in order to serve the party you are in agreement with.

No D/S relationship is the same, but what is at the heart of nearly every D/S relationship is love. Slave and Master Relationships are a much more extreme form of BDSM.

You need to bear in mind a few things before you decide if a slave or a master may be right for you.

  1. Know What You’re Getting Into –  Master and Slave relationships are very tricky if you do not know what your getting and what you are giving in return.  You must understand first what is that you are asking for and what it is that you are providing in your M/S relationship. Your master may require you to be open to polyamory, meaning more than one love interest or he/she may decide that want you be only exclusive to them and not have any sort of sexual relationship with anyone else.  They may ask of you to ask for permission before you can speak to someone, or they may not.  You will need to sit down with your partner and define your M/S relationship.
  2. Teach Your Slave YOUR Way – Abuse of punishment can happen if you do not keep up your end of the relationship and your slave could break terms and leave.  You need to teach your sub how you like things done whether that means you need them to do. However you need to be firm but gentle and allow your slave to learn the correct way. IF your slave continues to do things the wrong way after they have learned your way, then by all means you may punish them.
  3. Worship Your Master – As a slave your one job is to eat, breathe, sleep, and play to your master’s liking, all day everyday. You are to worship his/her very being in all ways whether that be mindfully, soulfully, physically, or just worshipping their very essence of existing. Do everything the way they ask you do and you will be rewarded in so many sexy ways. This also means always calling your master by the right name. This may be “Sir” “Mam” “My God” “My Goddess”, or a plethora of other names they may choose. Whatever name they choose you must obey and address them by their directed name.
  4. Appreciate Your Slave – Your slave is agreeing to allow you to own them, in every way.  You own their life, almost literally. That being said you need to not let the ego of being in control of their feed your kindness. Keep those two separate and always appreciate all your slave does you.

Getaway Slave Scenario

You treat your slave to a weekend getaway! They better appreciate it and do as you say! Otherwise you will have to inflict punishment.

  1. Book a hotel or AirBNB room somewhere for the weekend.
  2. Show them how you want things done this weekend, such as how to put away your clothes, and theirs, or how to cook a steak.
  3. IF they do not follow your every instruction you may provide punishment for them.
  4. Be sure that you thank your slave and they thank you when they are back from the trip.
  5.  If they don’t thank you provide another act of punishment. Your slave should always thank you and appreciate everything you do.

Conclusion

There you have it! The four types of BDSM and the different styles they come in!

Be sure to always check on your partner and make sure they are enjoying themselves as much as you enjoy them. Communicate and always keep an open mind and before you know it you may be a pro domme teaching others how to spice up their sex life too!

Now if you have any comments or questions about BDSM please leave them below.

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