Knowing how to spice up sex life in a long-term relationship can be tough, but don't sweat it.
In the first six months of a relationship, 83% of people report high sexual satisfaction, though this often declines over time.
If you're someone looking to avoid boredom and keep things exciting, you need to look into both; your connection outside the bedroom and inside the bedroom. Let me explain...
In this article, we'll cover:
Why Bother Spicing Up Your Sex Life?
Human mating habits have evolved over time, shaped by both biology and culture.
From the ancient Greeks' practice of "trial marriage"—couples lived together before deciding to marry— to modern relationships, understanding the natural progression of love can help you navigate each stage with ease.
By anticipating changes and embracing new dynamics, you can keep things spicy and prevent boredom from creeping in.
All relationships age differently, but this is the typical route your relationship might follow.
As relationships go through these stages, it's normal for the intensity to vary. By actively spicing things up, you can keep the passion alive. Let's look at the benefits of this effort and why it's worth it.
Benefits of Spicing Up Your Sex Life Over Time
Keeping the spark alive in a relationship can boost happiness by 20% and reduce stress by 30%.
Plus, couples who regularly engage in fun activities together report higher satisfaction levels.
Check out these benefits of keeping things spicy:
Now that we’ve explored why spicing things up is a game-changer, are you ready for some playful and creative ideas to turn up the heat?
Let’s get started with the first solution.
Spice Things Up BEFORE the Bedroom
Before you turn things up inside the bedroom, take the time to build anticipation and excitement throughout the day.
Creating a playful and engaging atmosphere before the main event can heighten the overall experience.
Believe it or not, 60% of couples swear by shared adventures for a happier, hotter sexual connection.
Here are 11 solutions to keep the passion simmering long before you cross the bedroom threshold.
Solution #1 - Increase The Level of Attractiveness
Boosting your attractiveness, both physically and mentally, can spice things up in your relationship.
Well-toned arms catch the eye of 24% of women, while 19% prefer broad shoulders.
Here’s something you can do to turn heads and keep your charm—and your relationship—alive.
Taking care of yourself shows your partner that you value and respect yourself and your relationship.
Solution #2 - Spend Quality Time Together
Spending quality time together creates a deeper connection.
When was the last time you consciously took some time off together with your partner?
Many couples have not gone on a date with each other in months or years.
When that happens, it's time for radical changes to your routine. Radical changes do not mean difficult or expensive, however.
For example, try out one of multiple of the activities and see how you go.
Spending quality time together creates more memories and positive moments together, which can ripple into your bedroom and spice up your sex life.
Solution #3 - Add More Affection & Non-Sexual Touch
Jumping straight into sex doesn't allow time to connect with her — not truly.
Instead, spending more time on non-sexual touches lets you build intimacy and show care and affection for her, making her feel valued and loved.
These small gestures matter and can significantly strengthen your connection.
Non-sexual touch can release oxytocin, which is the bonding or love hormone. Adding more sensuality into your day-to-day life can build up anticipation for the night.
Solution #4 - Sexting & Sending Sexy Texts
Sexting and sexy texts are not just for teenagers anymore.
Apparently, a surprising number of grown-ups are getting their flirt on via text. About 88% of adults believe sexting improves their sex life, adding excitement and anticipation.
Send those flirty messages. Let your partner know you're thinking about her.
Remember: Build anticipation and keep the conversation going. Don't be afraid to experiment and find what works best for you and your partner.
Solution #5 - A Thoughtful Gesture or Gift
Small, thoughtful gestures or gifts make your partner feel appreciated and loved.
Plan surprises from time to time or give a gift that has special meaning.
It shows that you’re thinking about her and care about her happiness.
The most important thing is to choose something that genuinely reflects your partner's interests and personality. A thoughtful and personalized gesture will always be appreciated.
Solution #6 - Ignite Your Taste Buds
Cooking together and then tasting food, especially aphrodisiac foods, is a sensual experience that builds sexual tension and anticipation for each other.
Aphrodisiacs are popular for a reason, so add them to your diet if you aren't already.
Especially foods rich in zinc, like oysters can enhance libido, are essential for testosterone production and sperm health.
Other foods that boost dopamine or serotonin levels can increase pleasure, like chocolate which also contains phenylethylamine.
And then there are foods with a sensual texture or shape, like bananas or figs that can stimulate sexual desire through the sensory experience while eating.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Solution #7 - Take A Shower Together
Slowing down and having a relaxed, sensual shower together is what you need to spice up that sexual connection and also build tension.
Using the soap to massage and explore each other's bodies can add new sensations and excitement.
To ramp things up a notch shower sex positions like lotus, standing or lap dance are great ways to extend the play inside the shower or bathtub.
Solution #8 - Leave Sexy Love Notes
Leaving sexy love notes around the house can surprise your partner and add excitement to their day.
Write playful, flirty, or romantic messages and hide them where she will find them throughout the day.
It’s a simple way to show you’re thinking about her and spicing things up before you enter the bedroom later.
Solution #9 - Give Each Other A Massage
Sensual massages are great to relax and explore. Use scented oils and soft music to set the mood.
Then, use these massage tips to give or receive a killer sensual massage after a long day at work.
You don't need to be a professional masseuse to spice up your foreplay with a sensual massage.
Solution #10 - Do Naked Yoga
Practicing naked yoga together is a great way to be vulnerable and appreciate each other's bodies. Find a comfortable space and enjoy a yoga session together. Here a few exercises you could do;
You can also find a yoga tutorial online or practice your moves from a previous class together.
Solution #11 - Share Your Perfect Sexual Day
Grab a notebook for this exercise.
Use this as a safe space to explore your true desires. Have your partner do the same thing, and take turns sharing. The goal of this exercise is to bring you closer together.
Now that you've mastered the art of building anticipation outside the bedroom, it's time to turn that excitement into a full-blown adventure inside the bedroom.
Let's explore how adding variety and novelty to your intimate moments can keep the spark alive and the excitement flowing.
Spice Things Up INSIDE The Bedroom With New Ideas
Playfulness in bed is linked to both short-term and long-term relationship success. Add a dash of fun activity, variety, novelty, and a sprinkle of surprise to your next intimate encounter.
A relationship (or marriage) is a constant chance to grow and expand with each other. It’s an adventure of lifelong sexual exploration that both partners have to choose and participate in actively every single day again.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Here are 12 ideas on what that could look like:
Idea #1 - Create A Sexy Atmosphere
Be creative and don't just dim the light. Play some sensual music and do one or all of the following to spice up your sex life.
The goal should be to create fantasies and an environment that helps you both get in the mood, putting sex at the forefront of your mind.
Remember, setting the stage for better sex can make all the difference. A little physical touch and creativity can go a long way in keeping things exciting and fresh.
Idea #2 - Be Better at Foreplay
Around 75% of women say good foreplay is essential for sexual satisfaction. It’s more than just a warm-up; it’s a crucial part of the experience.
Proper foreplay sets the stage for better sex and deeper connection, making it just as pleasurable and fun.
Explore each other's bodies and experiment with different erogenous zones using the four elements of touch.
Use the four elements touch: Fire, Water, Air, Earth.
Fire creates a more passionate sensation like little spanks, pinching or even little bites if you both are into it;
Water describes flowing movements such as gentle caresses and smooth long strokes over her whole body;
Air is light, teasing touches that build anticipation, you could glide silk over her skin or use just the tips of your fingers;
Earth represents a grounded touch, put firm pressure on her body, such as pushing her into the bed or holding her tight.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Idea #3 - Try New Positions
When you try a new position, it keeps everything fresh and exciting, and it stops your routine from getting stale.
You might discover new sensations, ways to pleasure each other, and more that make sex even more enjoyable.
To get you started, this is a list of a few sex positions that I recommend.
Don't hesitate to get creative and transition between positions. Spicing up your sex life is supposed to be fun, messy, and explorative. Practice makes perfect, so stay excited and open to new experiences.
Idea #4 - Masturbate Together
When you watch each other masturbate, the act is not only visually appealing—it's education.
You’ll pick up tips and tricks to try out on each other later. A 2023 study found mutual masturbation boosts sexual satisfaction, especially for women.
Aside from the educational value and being a major turn-on, masturbating together gives you a chance to appreciate each other's bodies.
Idea #5 - Talk Dirty To Her
Our words have power, inside and outside the bedroom. If you aren't using your voice in the bedroom, you're missing out.
Dirty talk isn't the cheesy one-liners that you're imagining. Instead, it's a way to express what you want, appreciate your partner, and turn each other on.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
Words You Can Say
If you want more of this, I'll show you how to make dirty talk feel natural so you aren't stuck feeling awkward or embarrassed.
Idea #6 - Add Sex Toys Into The Mix
Sex toys aren't just for the pages of romance novels.
With over 61% of couples admitting to using sex toys, it's clear they've become a mainstream addition to the bedroom.
Sex toys take you and her closer to orgasm, deliver new sensations, and, of course, mix things up.
There are plenty of toys on the market, ranging from expensive to just a few dollars. Make sure to choose a high-quality toy when getting started.
Above you see some of my personal favorites: The Wand, the G-Spot Vibrator, a vibrating anal plug, and a clit suction device.
Idea #7 - Watch or Create Porn Together
Contrary to popular opinion, women watch porn, too.
A licensed professional counselor might cheekily say, "I don't recommend getting addicted to porn and spending most of your time watching it alone." And they’re absolutely right.
On the other hand, watching a bit of porn together can actually be hot and beneficial.
Go one step further and make your own movies. A tip for filming yourself is to allow her to keep the video on her phone so she feels more secure and at ease.
If either of you doesn't feel up to it yet, no problem.
Porn on its own is an effective way to spice things up.
Idea #8 - Have Sex On A Swing
Sex swings are a type of sex toy that lets you try out new sex positions without the need to bend, flex, or contort your body into odd and uncomfortable positions.
In other words, a swing lets you try out all the positions you might have imagined but never thought was possible. It also adds some spice to your foreplay.
Want a tip? Try giving oral sex—eat her out while she is flying in the swing.
Idea #9 - Experiment With Roleplay
Role-play lets you try out fantasies and different personas in the bedroom. Doing so keeps things exciting.
A lot of people have fantasies about acting out their wildest, hottest dreams.
Now, you can make even the most standard sex positions, like Missionary, seem exciting with props and a bit of acting.
Here’s how you can dive into role-play and some fun ideas to kickstart your adventure:
Most importantly, communicate with your partner to ensure comfort and respect boundaries, keeping the focus on fun and exploration.
Role-playing is all about creativity and connection. So, go ahead, pick your roles, dress the part, and lose yourself in a world of playful fantasy.
Idea #10 - Adventure To New Locations
Sometimes it's not the position that's killing the mood, it's the location.
Everyone enjoys excitement in one way or another, and switching to a different location can make great sex more exciting, and arousing than doing it in the bedroom.
Here are a few adventurous location ideas to explore:
- 1Bathroom Sink: A quick switch to the bathroom can make for a thrilling and spontaneous experience.
- 2Kitchen Counter: The height and stability of a kitchen counter can open up a world of new possibilities.
- 3Living Room Couch: A cozy yet daring spot for an impromptu session.
- 4Shower or Bathtub: The mix of water and intimacy can be incredibly sensual and refreshing.
- 5Laundry Room: The element of surprise and the slightly forbidden feel can make this spot irresistible.
- 6Outdoor Deck or Balcony: For those who enjoy a bit of risk, an outdoor setting can be exhilarating.
- 7Garage: Turn this practical space into a private retreat for a change of pace.
- 8Closet: The tight space can add a sense of intimacy and adventure.
- 9Car: For a nostalgic throwback to teenage years or just a confined space challenge.
- 10Backyard or Garden: If you have privacy, the natural surroundings can add a unique and exciting element to your experience.
We've already covered more than 75 locations to have sex, so don't miss out.
Idea #11 - Explore Kinks Together
The word "kink" is often misunderstood by couples who have never tried it. Although kink can mean whips, chains, and leather suits, it does not have to.
Kink can be as simple as getting a bit rougher than normal or adding a blindfold or handcuffs to the mix.
Other body-safe ideas to start with are feathers, ice cubes, velcro restraints, spanking, and impact play.
Just make sure you discuss boundaries, obtain consent, have a safe-word and communicate throughout the entire experience.
This will create a safe container where you can both explore and enjoy.
Idea #12 - Play Sexy Games
Without novelty, 60% of couples see their passion fizzle out over time, with routine, stress, and life changes being the usual suspects.
You may find a few adult games available for purchase, but with a little creativity, your closet might already hold a wealth of entertainment options; like strip poker, truth or dare, naked twister or a sexy scavenger hunt.
You can easily transform any of these classic games into a fun and flirty adult version just by tweaking a few rules.
After we've turned up the heat in the bedroom, let's not forget the secret ingredient to lasting passion—a deeper emotional connection.
Because, as they say, the real magic happens when the heart and mind are as involved as the body.
Let's look into the most important ingredient according to women when trying to spice up your sex life.
A Woman's Perspective...
On A Spicy And Healthy Sex Life
Strengthening your bond with your partner can make your relationship more fulfilling and exciting.
Studies show that couples with strong emotional connections report higher levels of happiness and satisfaction.
In fact, having a close relationship can increase your likelihood of survival by 50%, regardless of age or health status.
When you're emotionally connected, everything else falls into place.
How to do that? Follow these expert tips for a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.
Hot Tip #1 - Communicate: The Foundation of a Thriving Sex Life
Let’s address the elephant in the room. Talking about your sex life can be awkward, but it’s a must.
Have an honest chat about where things stand. Create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable opening up. This helps you both work towards a more thrilling sex life.
Don’t shy away from topics that need to be discussed. Add some spice by sharing what you want more of and which fantasies or desires you have.
Revisit your boundaries and consent to what you are open to trying and where your limits are.
Hot Tip #2 - Enhance Emotional Intimacy
Aside from being the secret to a great relationship, strong emotional intimacy can lead to better mental health.
People in emotionally fulfilling relationships have lower rates of anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation. It's a great reminder of how important it is to connect on a deeper level!
The more authentic you show up in your relationship, the more depth you are able to create between both of you, which is the foundation of a spicy sex life.
Hot Tip #3 - Create More Polarity
Remember why you were initially attracted to each other? That spark comes from polarity. It's the balance between masculine and feminine energy.
You were possibly more assertive and driven, while she was nurturing and playful. Keeping this balance alive can spice things up big time.
Appreciate each other’s masculinity and femininity and express admiration. Build your self-confidence and maintain a bit of healthy independence.
This mix keeps the attraction strong and your relationship exciting.
Especially for women deepening your romantic connection can spice things up tremendously. Since the feminine core thrives when feeling safe, seen, and heard adding more depth to your connection allows her to relax, connect with her body, and feel more turned on.
Now let's dive into some of Andrew's secret strategies to help you sustain passion even after years of being in a relationship.
Andrew's Proven Expert Strategies For Sustained Passion
Most of my clients in long-term relationships are suffering at some point from a stagnant and unfulfilling sex life. And maybe this is you..
The following strategies are usually kept for just my 1:1 coaching clients, but I'm going to share a few with you today so you can add some passion to your relationship.
Strategy #1 - Engage In The 2 Laws Of Love
These two principles work by keeping your relationship strong and loving.
Strategy #2 - Create Moments To Celebrate
Don’t wait for birthdays or anniversaries to celebrate your love. Create special moments regularly to show appreciation for each other.
Plan date nights, surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, or just spend quality time together.
Strategy #3 - Solve Your Performance Issues
Performance issues like premature ejaculation (PE), erectile dysfunction (ED), and delayed ejaculation (DE) can be challenging, but they’re manageable.
Talk with your partner and seek help if needed. There are many methods and strategies available to help you overcome these issues, enjoy a fulfilling sex life, and last longer in bed.
Strategy #4 - Take The Pressure Off
The pressure to perform, orgasm, or be serious can take the fun out of sex. Instead, focus on playing, exploring, and having fun together.
Allow yourselves to be messy and laugh. Taking the pressure off can make your sex life more enjoyable and less stressful.
Strategy #5 - Have The Mindset Of A Student
Always be open to learning and exploring new things in your sex life.
Stay curious and seek out new information, whether through books, workshops, or consulting a sex coach or therapist.
The mindset of a student keeps your relationship dynamic and exciting.
Frequently Asked Questions
Got questions about spicing up your sex life? Here are some common questions and answers to help you out.
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