Wondering if you're good in bed? A lot of men have the same question. The answer might surprise you.
Being good in bed isn’t just about knowing a bunch of moves you memorized. Instead, it’s about really tuning in to what your partner needs and likes. This means getting the physical actions right, like foreplay and different positions, but also connecting on an emotional and mental level.
In this article, we'll go over important traits that signal you are a great lover and point out some blind spots that allow for improvement. Whether you're looking to get better, give her more orgasms, or connect more deeply, I have some helpful tips for you.
Signs You Are Good in Bed
Many men wonder if they are good in bed, and it's a common concern for those who care about their partner's satisfaction. While there is no definitive answer to this question, there are some signs that may signal you are good in bed.
1. She Initiates Sex
Consent is sexy, and enthusiastic consent is even better! Nothing feels better than having a woman willingly participate and ask more from you.
When a woman initiates sex, she craves and wants you to fulfill any needs, fantasies, and desires she has in the bedroom.
No woman will waste her time initiating a sexual encounter that is unsatisfying and leaves her wanting more or thinking of ways to satisfy her needs without you.
2. You've been told you are good in bed
If your sexual partner brings up the topic of you being good in the bedroom and shares with you that you are good in bed, she meant it, especially if she incites sex again.
If you have a person who keeps coming back to you, she likes what she's buying and doesn't need to shop elsewhere.
3. You Love Yourself
"Put Your Oxygen Mask on First, Before Assisting Others," an analogy you probably did not expect to read here. Well, just like you prioritize her body and pleasure, you also know you have to take care of your own.
You're most likely good in bed if you care for your own physical and mental well-being, as a healthy body and mind can contribute to a more enjoyable sexual experience.
4. Increased Flirting & Physical Touch
When she frequently does playful flirting and seeks more physical contact such as hugs, kisses, and gentle touches, it usually means she enjoys the closeness and looks forward to more. This increased desire for your touch suggests that you satisfy and excite her.
5. Expressive Eye-Contact
Maintaining prolonged and meaningful eye contact during your times together is a strong indicator of a deep emotional and physical connection.
This type of eye contact shows that she is fully involved and content.
6. She is Open to Exploration
If she is eager to try new things with you, it indicates a high level of trust and strong compatibility.
This openness often shows that she feels secure with you and is, therefore, excited to be with you in the bedroom.
7. She Is Able to Let Go
Women love sex just as much as men. Her ability to relax completely and surrender during sex shows her comfort and satisfaction with the experience.
This level of relaxation and surrender are good indicators that she feels safe with you.
8. She Expresses Herself Freely
Her ability to make sounds and express herself (loudly and frequently) during sex generally means she is fully enjoying and immersed in the experience with you.
These expressions not only signal pleasure but also her comfort with being open and unrestrained with you.
9. She Wants to Repeat the Experience
Looking forward to the next opportunity to be close to you is a clear sign that she enjoyed your time together.
Her anticipation for more suggests that past encounters have been enjoyable and fulfilling, making her eager for more sex.
Being Good in Bed: Explained
Being good in bed isn't about repeating scenes from porn or other erotic material. Sometimes porn is entertaining and, well, plain hot!
However, porn is not real life. Therefore, being good in bed can't be learned purely from watching countless adult films.
Being good in bed is based on three key aspects: physical, emotional, and mental components.
Physically
Positions and techniques are important, but there is more: Learn how to notice and respond to your partner's physical signals like muscle contractions, flushed cheeks, or when she pulls you closer.
Penetration alone usually doesn't lead to an orgasm for many women. Most need clitoral stimulation to climax, so emphasize foreplay and add different techniques like oral sex, manual stimulation, or using sex toys.
Emotionally
Emotionally, being proficient involves being confident with your own body and sexuality.
Focus on building a deep emotional connection by sharing and caring about each other's feelings.
Start to have more of those meaningful conversations that extend beyond the bedroom.
Mentally
Great sex starts in the minds of women. Stimulating your partner intellectually can be a precursor to mind-blowing physical experiences.
Understanding your wants and needs, maintaining an open mind, describing to her what you want to do to her in vivid words, and still staying positive even when things don't get as expected are qualities of a good lover.
10 Things to Avoid to Become Better in Bed
Improving your skills in bed involves more than just learning new techniques; it also means avoiding certain behaviors that can detract from the experience.
Here, I'll outline some common pitfalls and provide solutions to help you overcome them.
1. Selfishness
When one person focuses primarily on their own satisfaction, it can make their partner feel overlooked and dissatisfied. This behavior undermines the shared nature of great sex.
Solution
2. Lack of Foreplay
Rushing to sex without enough foreplay can result in a disappointing experience, especially since many women need 20-30 minutes to become fully aroused.
Solution
Foreplay doesn't follow a fixed regime; it should naturally vary each time, reflecting the mood you're in.
Sometimes it might involve passionate kissing or simply holding hands. Other times, it could be dancing in the living room or giving each other massages.
Cuddling, dirty talk, and playful banter also contribute to creating more arousal.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
3. Performance Pressure
Performance pressure can interfere with your ability to relax and enjoy sex, often leading to less satisfying experiences and problems like erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation (PE), and delayed ejaculation (DE), which 1 out of 3 men face at least once in their lifetime.
Solution
4. Ignoring Feedback
Not listening to your partner’s feedback can lead to repetitive and disappointing sex.
If you ignore what she tells you about what she needs to enjoy herself or orgasm, you’ll miss opportunities to improve.
Solution
5. Ignorance of Female Anatomy & Cycle
Not understanding female anatomy and the menstrual cycle can hinder your ability to please your partner. This lack of knowledge can prevent you from fully satisfying her.
At various points in her cycle, she might be more interested in certain things than at other times.
It's your job as a man to recognize where she might be and help her communicate that to you.
Solution
6. Lack of Playfulness
Taking sex too seriously, being predictable, or sticking to a routine can make sex monotonous and boring. This can leave women craving variety and excitement.
Solution
7. Poor Hygiene
Neglecting personal hygiene or grooming can be a major turn-off.
Making an effort to look and smell good every time you enter the bedroom shows respect for your partner, boosts your confidence, and makes you more attractive sexually.
Solution
8. Lack of Leadership
Insecurity or low self-esteem can undermine confidence and sexual prowess in the bedroom, inhibiting your ability to embrace your sexuality and, as a result, please your partner.
Not fully expressing yourself can also limit your partner's ability to fully let go and express herself.
Solution
9. Lack of Effort
Women value effort and commitment from their partners in all areas, but most importantly, in the bedroom.
Men who do not put in the effort can make women feel neglected or unappreciated.
Solution
10. Lack of Technique
Not knowing what to do, where to touch her, or being a bad kisser, just to mention a few technical issues, will not help to convince her that you are good in bed.
Solution
Andrew's Proven Expert Tips To Hear Women Say "You Are Good in Bed"
I realized I needed to get better in bed when my partner told me in 2011 bluntly, "You're shit in bed."
This tough feedback made me take a hard look at my skills and work on improving them. My transformation inspired me to start SQL and help other men embark on a journey of self-improvement and become better lovers themselves.
Getting better in bed starts with being open to learning and really wanting to make your partner happy. It’s never too late to improve and have a better sex life; here is what you can do.
Unlock Her Mind to Unlock Her Body
Physical touch and arousal are important, but making a real emotional connection and mentally engaging with a woman is just as important for being good in bed.
Many women need to feel truly connected and valued before they can fully enjoy being physically close.
From my experience, it's clear that to get close physically, you first need to connect mentally.
Don't just rush into things. Take the time to really understand and appreciate her, and allow her to feel seen by you.
Split-Test Her Body
It's wrong to think that what worked with one partner will work with another because everyone has their own likes and dislikes.
At SQL, we suggest trying out different techniques, positions, and methods to see what she enjoys.
Another good approach is to simply ask her what she likes and doesn't like in the bedroom.
Embrace Your Dominant Side
Many women like it when a man guides them in the bedroom, but it has to be done with respect and care.
True dominance means leading in a way that looks out for her best interests, aiming for a positive experience for both of you.
However, being too controlling or manipulative, which we call domineering, isn't liked because it only benefits one person.
If she says she doesn't like being told what to do, think about whether you were trying to create a good experience for both or just looking out for yourself.
Express Yourself Fully
Don't hold back when it comes to expressing yourself during intimate moments — use your breath, sounds, movement, and voice.
Make sure you feel free to show your emotions, and let her feel free to show hers too. Being open in this way can make your connection stronger and you better in bed.
Fantastic 5
The "Fantastic 5" are five key skills that can make sex a lot better: being great at kissing, giving a pussy massage, making her squirt, doing oral sex right, and using toys.
Oral Sex
When you’re giving oral sex, don’t just focus on her clit right away.
Use your tongue to explore her whole vulva. See how she reacts and change your sex moves based on that.
You can use a flat tongue to gently cover more area or just the tip for more direct contact.
Pussy Massage
Giving a pussy massage is something we’re known for at SQL, and it can really make a difference.
If you haven't tried this yet, give it a go.
You can learn how by following this guide.
Squirting
Making a woman squirt takes patience and knowing the right techniques. It’s a powerful experience for many women.
You'll need to learn where the G-spot is and how to stimulate it the right way to help her get there.
Check out Squirting Triggers, where we teach you how to give women powerful, explosive squirting orgasms.
Toys
Toys can be a fun and exciting addition to your bedroom play.
When adding toys into your sex life, make sure you talk with your partner about what you both are comfortable with and establish boundaries.
Remember, using toys should be a positive experience. If you're new to this, start with basics like a Hitachi or G-spot wand.
Kissing
Good sex and slow kissing and teasing go hand in hand, and becoming a better kisser is an underrated move.
Start slow, match her rhythm, and increase the intensity over time without rushing to have sex.
This builds up a lot of excitement and makes the whole experience more intense.
A Woman's Perspective..
Traits Of An Exceptional Lover
As a woman, I've had partners in the past make the same mistakes over... and over.
After a while, it becomes difficult to feel connected with that person, and eventually, the same connection that started a good relationship fades again.
Understanding these key traits can make a big difference in a relationship.
Being great in bed isn't just about physical ability but includes communication, understanding, and genuine care for your partner's happiness.
Here’s a look at what makes someone stand out as a great lover.
Communication Skills
Good lovers talk clearly about their desires and listen to their partner. They keep conversations honest and can handle tough topics.
It’s also important to be able to voice appreciation for each other and use words to create excitement.
To improve this, openly share your likes and boundaries and encourage your partner to do the same.
Discuss what feels good and what doesn’t. Giving compliments can make your partner feel seen, and using dirty talk can make your experiences more thrilling.
Attentiveness
An exceptional lover is sensitive to his partner's needs and feelings. He is attentive and can pick up on subtle cues based on her body language indicating pleasure or discomfort.
Paying attention and being able to respond appropriately shows that you care about your partner's well-being. This includes to;
Practice empathy by putting yourself in your partner's shoes. Consider how she might be feeling, both physically and emotionally, during sex.
This can help you better understand her needs and respond accordingly.
Be Passionate and Adventurous
A great lover shows real enthusiasm and energy in bed. He is also open to trying new things, whether it's different fantasies, positions, or activities, which keeps the relationship interesting.
To incorporate this into your relationship, suggest new ideas in the bedroom and be open to your partner's suggestions too. You could try;
Respect for Boundaries
A good lover respects his partner's boundaries and comfort levels, ensuring all sexual activities are consensual and enjoyable.
For a healthy relationship, you need boundaries, and so does she. Her boundaries might not be the same as yours, which is where effective communication comes into play.
Always talk with your partner about her limits and preferences. It might seem awkward at first, but that's where building a trusting and open relationship comes into play.
If these conversations do not come naturally to you, try having them when you are both relaxed and comfortable.
For example, this could be during a romantic date or when you're on the sofa cuddling and things are about to move elsewhere.
Safe words, if you're trying more adventurous activities might also be worth checking out.
Presence
Being fully present during sex means paying complete attention to your partner and the experience. Presence is a difficult skill to master at first.
We are often so distracted by what's in our minds that we forget what's in front of us.
To be more present, remove distractions like phones and focus solely on your partner.
This also means temporarily putting thoughts about your car payments and rent and working out your mind. Giving her your undivided attention shows her value and importance to you.
To practice presence, it might be helpful to;
Physical Fitness and Stamina
Being physically fit enhances sexual health by improving stamina and endurance. Being confident in your body can go a long way in the bedroom.
To improve your fitness and stamina, regularly participate in physical activities you enjoy, such as running, swimming, or weightlifting.
Regular exercise not only improves your health but also boosts your confidence and can have a positive impact on your libido.
Emotional Connection
Your connection should be strong before, during, and after intimacy. Being connected includes not just physical closeness but also emotional support and understanding.
Deepen this connection by;
Sensual Exploration
Good lovers use touch effectively, with hands, lips, and their entire body to stimulate their partner.
Focus on varying your touch and noting your partner's reactions. Experiment with different pressures and areas to find what she enjoys most. You could try;
Intimacy Outside the Bedroom
Strengthening your relationship extends beyond sex.
It includes meaningful conversations, affectionate gestures, and acts that show you care, which all reinforce your connection and will make you good in bed.
Being good in bed starts outside the bedroom in other words. Next time you want to practice intimacy outside the bedroom, try;
Commitment to Pleasure
A commitment to pleasure means focusing on satisfying both your and your partner’s needs during sex. This is a consistent effort and not something you do once and forget about it.
In short, exceptional lovers are good communicators, respect boundaries, and are fully present during intimacy and sex.
He maintains his physical fitness and builds emotional connections that extend beyond the bedroom — sensual exploration, adding intimacy through everyday interactions, and having a dedication to mutual pleasure are all cornerstones.
Frequently Asked Questions
As a sex and relationship coach, I often get asked how to be better in bed! These are the most common questions so that you can get back to getting busy with your special lady.
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