How to Be More Dominant in Bed? 12 Powerful Levels Of Sexual Dominance She Won’t Be Able To Resist

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How to Be More Dominant in Bed? 12 Powerful Levels Of Sexual Dominance She Won’t Be Able To Resist

Studies show over 70% of women crave a confident lover who knows exactly when to take control... and when to tease her senseless.

Are you thinking about unleashing that sleeping tiger inside you and making her melt? Let’s get to it—tonight’s the night everything changes.

In this article, we'll cover:

  • Understand the true meaning of dominance and why it matters in the bedroom
  • Master dominant techniques that drive her wild
  • Explore power dynamics safely for ultimate pleasure

What Is Dominance?

Dominance equals leadership, plain and simple. And real leadership? That’s all about serving her and making her feel cherished.

Think of it this way: dominance is about creating an experience where she knows you’ve got her back. It’s psychological and physical; you’re setting the vibe, guiding her into deeper intimacy.

It’s using your voice, your touch, your energy to say, “I’m here for you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

You’re leading her into pleasure, not forcing it. Dominance isn’t about barking orders—it’s about loving her so she feels safe to fully let go and surrender.

Why Dominance in the Bedroom Matters?

Here’s the thing: if you don’t understand real dominance, you can easily slip into being domineering—and that’s a huge turn-off. You don’t want to come off as controlling or just pushing your own agenda.

No one wants to be ‘that guy.’ True dominance is about making her feel seen, desired, and absolutely safe to explore. When you nail that balance, you’ll take her places she’s never been... and trust me, she’ll be begging for more.

But What If You're Not That Confident in Bed?

I get it—easier said than done, right? Not every guy walks into the bedroom with the swagger of a movie star. And hey, even James Bond had his off days… probably.

So, let’s talk about how to build that confidence, one step at a time.

  • Own Your Authentic Self: Confidence isn’t about puffing up your chest; it’s about being comfortable in your own skin. Own your strengths, laugh off your flaws, and know that you’re already enough. When you believe in yourself, she’ll sense it—and that’s incredibly sexy.
  • Be Present: Stop overthinking. I mean it—get out of your head and into the moment. Feel her skin, listen to those little gasps, and notice how her body responds. When you’re present, you’re naturally more attuned to what she needs, which makes leading so much easier.
  • Speak with Purpose: Your tone matters. Keep it low, steady, and confident. Tell her what you’re going to do—not in a demanding way, but in a way that says, “I know you’ll love this.” Saying the hard things, being direct... that's where the magic happens.
  • Lead with Your Body: Your body language says it all. Slow, deliberate movements show you’re in control. Use your hands to guide her, pull her in close, meet her gaze with that look that says, “I’ve got you, babe.
  • Have Her Best Interests at Heart: This is the real kicker. Dominance is about serving her pleasure, not just getting yours. You’re there to make her feel like the queen she is. When she knows you’re all in for her, she’ll trust you completely, and that’s when things get... next level.

Dominance isn’t about control; it’s about creating a space where she can surrender completely to the pleasure you’re giving her.

When you cultivate these qualities—confidence, presence, direct communication, and genuine care—you’re not just another guy in her life; you’re the man.

So, what are you waiting for? Tonight’s your chance. Go make love to your woman like she’s the only one who matters... because she is.

But before you do, master these 12 levels of dominance to truly own the bedroom.

12 Levels On How to Be More Dominant in Bed—Physical Techniques & Commands

Are your current bedroom moves really showcasing your dominance, or are you just going for the usual “hit and run,” leaving her grumpy and unsatisfied?

It’s time to step up. Are you man enough to make her crave every second?

How many levels can you go?

Level One—The Silent Command

Before you touch her, stand behind her and let your presence fill the room. So she feels you, like an electric charge. With a firm hand, tilt her head back, locking her in place. Your gaze is steady, piercing—no words needed.

  • You circle around her slowly, fingers grazing the side of her neck, making her shiver with anticipation.
  • She’s blindfolded, left to wonder what you’ll do next. That’s the power you hold.
  • Your touch is light, but your control is undeniable. You’re already commanding her every sense.

Pro Move

Brush your fingers against her arm as you pass, just a light touch to send a shiver down her spine. No words, yet your body language commands the scene. You’re already dominating her senses.

Level Two—The Hair Pull & Choke Combo

Now, lean in close. You can feel the intense heat radiating off her skin. Your hand slides into her hair, moving through the strands until you grip near the scalp. Not a tug—yet—just a firm hold that makes her head tilt back.

  • Wait. Then when she catches her breath, her eyes searching yours, and you know she’s ready.
  • You pull a slow, deliberate motion that sends a ripple of excitement through her body.
  • Then, your free hand wraps around her throat. Not squeezing—just resting there, letting her feel your control.

Pro Move

Let your thumb trace the line of her jaw. Whispering in her ear, “You’re mine tonight.” Feel her pulse race beneath your fingers, the way her body leans into your dominance.

This isn’t just hair-pulling; it’s creating an entire sexual pleasure experience that makes her crave more.

Level Three—The Art of Restraint

Time to make her feel completely vulnerable. Pull out the restraints—sturdy and firm against her skin. Slowly, secure them around her wrists and ankles, making sure they’re snug but not too tight.

  • Don't rush this part; the buildup is everything.
  • Help her settle into a curled position, connecting the restraints to keep her arms and legs bound.
  • The click of each clasp sends a shiver through her.

Pro Move

Step back and let the silence fill the room. Let her sense you circling around her, feeling the warmth of your presence without a single touch.

Her nerves light up, every part of her body on edge, waiting for your next move. You’re not just restraining her; you’re claiming the moment and making her submit to your control.

Level Four—Command & Control (Manhandling)

Control her moving backward by gently pushing your body against hers. With her back against the wall lift her hands above her head, and hold them there with a firm grip, your body pressing against hers.

  • It’s the intensity of your gaze and the control in your movements that have her feeling completely under your spell.
  • Lean in close, your breath warm against her ear. Whisper “Whose your daddy?” with a voice smooth yet commanding.
  • Watch her biting her lip, her body tensing slightly, the anticipation sparking between you both.

Pro Move

Slide your hand down to the small of her back, slow and deliberate. Let her feel your strength and control in each touch. You’re not just holding her—you’re guiding her, making it clear who’s in charge of every move tonight.

Level Five—The Sting & Soothe (Spanking)

Time to introduce some impact. Use your hand or a paddle, then in a controlled yet quick motion bring it down on her ass with a sharp smack.

  • Allow her to sense every spank; observe her body jolting from the sensation.
  • Pause, letting the sting settle in. Then run your fingers over the warmed skin, tracing soft circles. That mix of pain from the paddle and your soothing touch sends waves of pleasure through her body, leaving her craving more of your dominant behavior.
  • You can also experiment with spanking, flogging, or even a riding crop to add variety and keep her on edge.

Pro Move

After using the paddle, lean in and kiss the spot you just struck, tell her what a “Good girl” she is. Feel how she trembles, the way her body responds to your mix of firmness and care.

You’re not just using a paddle; you’re creating a sexual relationship built on trust, thrill, and tension.

Level Six—Sensory Overload

Now comes the fun part—taking her to that edge where she feels everything. Use sensory play to heighten her sexual pleasure.

  • Bring an ice cube to her lips first, tracing it over her lips
  • Command her to open her mouth and when she parts her mouth, you slide the ice cube inside.
  • The cold of the ice cube can send a shockwave through her senses.
  • Use this tension to lean in closer, your warm breath hitting her skin and promise her “I’m going to make you shiver,” with your lips just brushing her ear.

Pro Move

Let your fingertips graze her chin as you trace the water trails of the melting ice cube down her chest. Describe every move, making her feel that she’s completely at your mercy.

You’re not just using the ice; you’re using every bit of her anticipation to make her crave what comes next.

Level Seven—The Verbal Cage (Dirty Talk)

Talking dirty can be a huge turn-on for the submissive partner. With a firm and low voice whisper some sweet naughty notings into her ear.

  • “You don’t move unless I tell you to.”
  • "Get yourself close 3 times—but don't you dare to cum."
  • "You are my property to use however the fuck I want."

Pro Move

Kiss her neck, slow and deliberate, then say in a soft but teasing tone, “You’ll come when I say so.” Watch her body tense up, her grip tighten and her arousal increasing.

You’re not just touching her—you’re controlling her desire. One of the sexiest things a man can do.

Level Eight—Use Verbal or Non-Verbal Commands

Using verbal and non-verbal commands as the dominant person can look like this;

  • Verbal Commands:Kneel,” “Open your mouth,” or a firm “Look at me.”
  • Non-Verbal Commands: A snap of your fingers to make her get into a certain position, a tap on her shoulder to signal a change in her movements, or a slow tug on the leash to pull her closer.

Pro Move

Mix verbal and non-verbal commands to create a rhythm of control: She’s on her knees, eyes locked on yours as you lay a belt around her neck. Your hand tightens—not to restrain, but to guide.

You give a slight tug on the leash, leaning in. “Stay,” you command, voice firm. Then watch her catching her breath while she’s hanging on every word, every signal.

Level Nine—The Edge of Denial

Use oral sex to bring her close. Continue until you feel her body trembling and she is about to come. Time to take control of her pleasure.

  • Pull back. Completely.
  • Her hips buck, her breath turning ragged, and let her feel the frustration build.
  • Whisper “Not yet,” a wicked smile on your face.
  • You’re not just teasing her—you’re making her need your permission to release.

Pro Move

Repeat this twice. By the third time, when you finally allow her to come, it will be an explosion of sensation.

Give her the command “Now”, and watch how that single word sends her over the edge, leaving her mind and body shattered with pleasure.

Level Ten—Reinforce with Praise

The right words at the right moment can send a surge of pleasure through her, letting her know she's not just following orders—she's thriving in your control.

Praise isn’t just flattery; it’s a powerful tool to build the dynamic, to make her feel seen, appreciated, and hungry for more.

Examples of When to Praise:

  • When she assumes the position you asked for: “That's exactly where I want you.”
  • When she follows your command without hesitation: “You’re doing so well. Keep it just like that.”
  • When she maintains eye contact or holds still: “You’re such a good girl for me, aren’t you?

Pro Move

Pair your praise with a simple touch—a stroke of her hair, a firm grip on her hip. Keep it short, make it powerful. The smallest bit of positive reinforcement deepens the dynamic and leaves her craving your direction even more.

Level Eleven—The Firm Hand (Discipline)

If she crosses a command, dicipline her—of course, while respecting both partner's boundaries. And remember you both have a safe word to use in case things get too wild.

Examples of punishments:

  • Spank her with leather straps. “Remember who you belong to."
  • Deny her access to your body or cum. "You don't deserve touching me"
  • Command her to stay in a certain position until you release her. "Kneel, and say you are mine 100 times."

Pro Move

After the discipline, engage in aftercare; run your hands down her back, soothing her. This combination of firmness and tenderness cements your dominant presence and her submissive role.

Level Twelve—Give Her the Sweet Taste of What She’s Earned

She’s obeyed and followed every command. Give her what she’s earned.

  • Run your hands down her body, slowly, praising every curve as you caress her skin.
  • Kiss her deeply, pulling her close until she melts into you.
  • Penetrate her, use thrusting and grinding motions until she comes.

Pro Move

Whisper, “You’ve earned this,” as you carry her to the bed. Sooth her with your touch, slowly sliding your hands between her thighs.

And then, when you see that look of pure need in her eyes, give her what she craves—fuck her hard, deep, with every ounce of desire you’ve been holding back.

Make her feel that her obedience has unlocked this intense, animalistic, and ravishing pleasure.

Now that you've mastered the 12 levels of dominance what about a few tips to leave her thinking, “Damn, when can we do that again?”—Try the following sexy role-play scenarios and spice up your sex life.

Dominant Role Play Scenarios To Try Out Tonight

You can use any of the techniques during sex, but if you're looking to take things up a notch while engaging in a dominant dynamic, giving one or more sexual play scenarios a try will do just that.  

Whatever role-play you do, make sure you and your partner are on the same page and establish boundaries and safe words beforehand.

Before you leave, remember, that with great power (play) comes great responsibility. So let’s dive into your role as the Dominant and how to make this experience as fulfilling and safe as it is thrilling.

Your Responsibilities As The Dominant

Ever been in the middle of things, feeling like a king, and then she stops, looks you dead in the eye, and says, "Is that it?" Oof.

I’d love for you to nail it and give her the best sexual experience every time you are dominant in the bedroom. To do so you need to have the hard conversations even if you feel uncomfortable. Those are the cornerstones of sexual dominance.

To make it easier for you, follow these commandments, and she won’t just crave your touch—she’ll need it.


To make it easier for you, follow these commandments, and she won’t just crave your touch—she’ll need it.

Thou Shalt Obtain Clear Consent

The first step to becoming the ultimate dominant lover? Ask for what you both want. Dive into those fantasies, lay down the ground rules, and establish that all-important safe word. Remember, like they say in Magic Mike’s Last Dance, “The sexiest act of submission is to ask for permission.” Own that, and the power is yours.

Thou Shalt Check-In Like a Boss

You’re steering this ship, but that doesn’t mean you go full throttle all the time. Whisper in her ear, “How does that feel?” or tease her with, “Do you want more?” Your dominance grows stronger when you show you’re tuned into her every response.

Thou Shalt Prioritize Her Safety

Your job during dominant sex is to push boundaries, not break them. If she’s trusting you to take her there, it’s your responsibility to keep her safephysically and emotionally. Dominance is about care, not chaos. She needs to feel secure in every move you make.

Thou Shalt Know Her Limits

She wants you to push her, but not shove her over the edge. Learn her limits, sexual dominance means to tease right up to that line, and leave her aching for more. This isn’t just about what you want; it’s about guiding her to new heights without ever crossing into discomfort.

Thou Shalt Read Her Like a Book

Her body is telling you everything you need to know. Is she tensing up? Is her breathing quickening in anticipation—or hesitation? A true dominant lover reads her cues like a map, adjusting the experience to keep her craving every touch, every command.

Thou Shalt Speak with Authority

Your voice is your strongest tool. Whisper, growl, command—but do it with intention. "Stay still," "Open your mouth," or simply, "Look at me." Each word needs to be laced with confidence to make her feel the full force of your control.

So, you've got the basics down, but I know it can still get a bit confusing in the heat of the moment. Who does what? How do you navigate this dance of power and surrender?

Dominance vs. Submission: Cheat Sheet

Here’s the breakdown of the roles so you know exactly how to step up—and what to expect from her when she’s melting under your command.

Dominance

  • The Guide: Sets the pace, and decides the flow.
  • The Protector: Keeps her safe and makes space for her fantasies.
  • The Observer: Reads every signal from her body, adjusting to her reactions.
  • The Commander: Uses clear, assertive words to maintain control.

Submission

  • The Receiver: Surrenders to your guidance and trusts you completely.
  • The Communicator: Shares her boundaries and desires openly.
  • The Explorer: Relishes in every command, every touch, and every thrill you provide.
  • The Reactor: Gives you the feedback you need to drive her wild.

Nail these commandments, and she’ll count down the minutes for your next move. Now, let’s dig into the psychology—buckle up, it’s about to get hot!

Andrew Explains The Psychology of Dominance

Wild story-time...

I used to host sex parties. This was back in the day and before I was married. Still, I talk about my past openly, and if you've purchased a course, you already know.

As a result, I had to learn a thing or two about sexual leadership and sexual dominance. If not, I risked a lot of hurt (physically or psychologically) to my partner or even to myself.

I. Psychological Factors of Dominance

This journey led me to understand how dominance can be a complex interplay of psychological factors that I'll share with you. 

  • Control & Power: Many people find the ability to influence and direct sex to be a powerful aphrodisiac. Getting pleasure from guiding the experience increases satisfaction for both partners.
  • Trust & Vulnerability: When a partner surrenders control, it creates a deep sense of trust and connection. It's your job to maintain a safe space for this to thrive.
  • Exploration Of Identity: Dominance lets both partners explore different facets of their personality and sexual identity. It’s a path to self-discovery, often revealing hidden desires.
  • Emotional Release: Dominance can provide a valuable outlet for emotional expression and stress relief. For some, taking control is a way to channel emotions and achieve a sense of release and for others, it is the surrender that allows them to experience heightened moments of pleasure and relief.

Common Misconceptions

Dominance = Aggression: Dominance is not synonymous with aggression. It’s about control, guidance, and mutual pleasure, not causing harm or discomfort. The dominant person comes from a place of love and is in service to the submissive partner.

Submission = Weakness: Submission is not a sign of weakness. It takes strength and trust to surrender control. The submissive partner willingly gifts their submission and surrenders to the dominant.

3 Key Factors Of Psychological Preparation

Psychological preparation means getting yourself in the right mindset. There are three core ways to do that. 

  • Visualize Scenarios: Before engaging in dominant sex or sexual activities, visualize the scenario with your partner. This mental preparation helps in managing the session smoothly and confidently.
  • Embrace Empathy: Understanding your partner’s comfort levels, feelings, and responses builds trust and makes the session enjoyable. Start practicing open communication to learn what both feel comfortable with.
  • Stay Grounded: Maintaining a grounded approach prevents rough sex or simply being more dominant in the bedroom from becoming overwhelming or unsafe. 

The psychology of dominance is multifaceted and requires a deep understanding of yourself, your partner, and the relationship dynamics.

Remember, being dominant is not about asserting your power over someone else. With the right mindset and preparation, you'll be able to let your dominant side out in the bedroom confidently.  
Alright, enough about what’s going on in your head. Let’s see what this whole dominance game looks like from her side. Spoiler alert: consent and safety are the magic words.

A Woman's Perspective..
On Consent & Safety in Bedroom Dominance

from Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH

Truth bomb!!!💣 Dominance without a foundation of consent and safety is a disaster waiting to happen. As a woman, trust and feeling safe are what make us open up to the experience.

So, let’s break down how you can be the dominant lover she craves—by handling these responsibilities like a truly masculine man.

I. Discuss Desires & Boundaries

Before diving into anything, have an attuned, open conversation about both of your desires, limits, and non-negotiables. 

  • This isn't just about getting a "yes" or "no" but about exploring her erotic blueprint—what turns her on, what arouses her, and what boundaries keep her feeling safe.
  • Knowing the difference between a "soft limit" (something she might be open to exploring) and a "hard limit" (a firm no) can completely change the experience.

This isn’t a mood killer; it's co-creating a space where intimacy and pleasure can reach their full potential.

II. Agree on Safe Words & Safe Actions

Safewords are essential communication tools for navigating scenes.

  • The classic “Red, Yellow, Green” system works well.
  • For added nuance, consider using somatic markers like tapping a surface to indicate discomfort if verbal communication becomes challenging.

Establishing these signals and safe actions means you're both in sync, allowing you to explore the psychological and physical edges of dominance without crossing into the trauma zone.

III. Ensure Ongoing Consent

Consent is dynamic and changes moment by moment.

  • During sexual play, you don't have to stop the entire scene to check in;
  • A whisper, a touch, or simply mirroring her breathing patterns can be ways of attuning to her current state.

This is about more than just verbal consent; it’s about reading her neurobiological cues—like muscle tension or a shift in her breathing—to ensure she's fully present and enjoying every sensation.

IV. Engage in Aftercare & Emotional Safety

Aftercare isn’t just a nice gesture; it’s a critical nervous system reset for both partners.

  • When a rough sex session ends, the body releases stress hormones that need soothing.
  • Hold her close, stroke her hair, and engage in grounding techniques like deep breathing together.
  • Asking, “How are you feeling?” acknowledges that you care about her and the emotional aftermath of your shared play.

This is where secure attachment is built, transforming the experience from another moment to a deeply fulfilling connection.

V. What If Something Goes Wrong?

Mistakes happen, and that’s okay.

  • If she pulls back, tenses up, or gives a verbal or non-verbal cue that something’s not right, pause immediately.
  • A question like, “Did I go too far?” opens the door for repair and communication.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about showing her that you’re present, accountable, and ready to co-regulate the situation. Owning the moment builds a foundation of trust for the next encounter.

Dominance isn’t just about taking control; it’s about how you handle that control with attunement and care.

When you prioritize consent, safety, and ongoing communication, you become the kind of dominant lover she can trust, desire, and deeply connect with.

Frequently Asked Questions

Since I receive multiple questions on dominance inside the bedroom, I did you the service of answering your most burning, hot questions here. 

What does a very submissive woman desire during sex?

A submissive woman desires trust and clear communication. She enjoys being guided while feeling safe.

Which sexual act is the most dominant?

The most dominant act depends on the person. For some, certain sex positions like Doggy Style or performing oral sex can be very dominant. For others, a more intense role-play and scene is required. Being sexually dominant doesn't have to look a certain way as long as you are both on the same page.

What kind of things can you do with a submissive woman?

You can explore light bondage, spanking, role-playing, or verbal commands. Just discuss it beforehand and find a safe word that works for both of you.

What is the best way to make a woman feel submissive?

Be a man who allows her to feel safe, feminine, and protected. You can't make her feel submissive but you can create an environment in which she feels relaxed, and open to surrender to you.  

How can you talk to a submissive woman during sex?

Use a calm and reassuring tone. Give clear instructions, talk dirty to her and offer praise.

Is it weird/wrong that I want to be sexually dominant?

It's normal to have desires about any dominant behavior. In fact, many people do, as BDSM isn't exactly a new concept.


As long as it's consensual and both partners are on board, there's nothing wrong with exploring your dominant side in the bedroom—no matter whether you are a dominant man or a dominant woman.

Do I have to humiliate my partner to dominate her?

Humiliation is not necessary for dominance, and not everyone will like it. It is only necessary in a sexual relationship if both partners are comfortable with it and have discussed and agreed to it beforehand. 

Which toys do you recommend for dominant sex?

There are a few options. These are my top recommendations

  • Handcuffs
  • Velcro restraints
  • Bed restraints
  • Blindfolds
  • Floggers
  • Paddles
  • Collars and leashes
  • Hitachi wands, dildos, and standard sex toys but used in a more dominant manner.  

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Andrew Mioch

Andrew Mioch is one of the world’s leading sex coaches and best-selling author after spending 10 years learning from experts all over the world.

Currently pursuing his Master’s Degree in Sexology, Andrew has personally coached over 5,000 men. His expertise is regularly sought in publications such as Men's Health, Medium, and Cosmopolitan Magazine.

These days, Andy spends most of his time coaching clients privately and also through SQL’s online Mastery Academy.


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