15 New Things To Try In Bed To Make Her Rethink That “Not Tonight, I’m Tired” Feeling

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15 New Things To Try In Bed To Make Her Rethink That “Not Tonight, I’m Tired” Feeling

Marco and Ivy having sex on money, exploring new things to try in bed to spice up their sex life

New things to try in bed. Yeah, you're here because Tuesday night is starting to feel like Groundhog Day with less clothing. Here's the thing: a 2023 study found that couples who try something new in bed just once a month report 34% higher sexual satisfaction than the "if it ain't broke" crowd. Keep reading coz I'm giving you 15 actual moves, plus the exact words to use so she doesn't think you've been watching weird stuff without her.

In this article, we'll cover:

  • 15 specific new things to try in bed (from "wait, that's it?" to "okay, that's actually kinda wild")
  • Use the SQL Perfect Day Exercise to talk about new sex ideas to your wife without making it weird
  • The 5 mistakes that'll shut her down faster than you can say "wanna try something?"

15 New Things To Try In Bed When You’re Tired Of The Same Old ‘Left, Right, Repeat’ Routine

If your sex life feels predictable, your brain literally clocks out; that's not romance dying, that's just biology being a bored accountant. Here are 15 new things to try in bed that'll make her glad she didn't marry the guy who thinks "switch to missionary" counts as variety.

Idea #1 – Slow Sex That Makes Her Melt

Marco slowly kissing Ivy during slow sex, one of the new things to try in bed to deepen intimacy

Slow sex is the grown-man version of confidence. You move like you own the moment, not like you’re racing your own orgasm. This is tantric sex energy: slow, present, breath-led, and dialed into her body instead of your performance.

Do This

  • Take ten full seconds to move your hand from her knee to anywhere else. She'll start shaking for no reason.
  • Match your thrust to her exhale. Breathe together like you're sharing one lung.
  • Stop completely right when she's about to come. Let her hips beg. Then give her one inch. She'll never let you rush again.

Idea #2 – The Full-Body Worship Session

Marco enjoying Ivy’s sensual touch during a full body worship session, a new thing to try in bed

Most guys touch like they’re skipping ads. Worship touch is different: it makes your partner’s pleasure the whole point. This is how you enhance intimacy and deepen emotional closeness without forcing anything.

Do This

  • Spend seven minutes on the weird spots. Inner elbow. Behind the knee. That dip above her hip. She'll arch like you found a secret button.
  • Whisper "don't move" and drag one fingernail up her spine. She'll forget her own name.
  • End with your mouth on her lower back. Just breathing. No kissing. She'll be putty for a week.

Idea #3 – Run A Wartenberg Wheel Down Her Body

Marco teasing Ivy’s skin with a Wartenberg wheel, a new thing to try to spice up sex life

A Wartenberg wheel is originally a medical tool used to test skin sensation. In bed, it’s sensation play that turns her skin into an instrument. This works because your skin is loaded with mechanoreceptors and thermoreceptors.

Do This

  • Start on her forearm first. If she laughs, you're good. If she jumps, lighten up. You're not performing surgery.
  • Hit one spot with ice, wait three seconds, then hit the exact same spot with the wheel. Her brain will short-circuit trying to figure out if it's hot or cold.
  • Dab a little tingling gel on her inner thigh, wait sixty seconds, then barely touch it with one finger. She'll grab your wrist like you just discovered electricity.

Idea #4 – Turn A Hairdryer Into A Teasing Tool

Hairdryer blowing cool air on Ivy’s thigh creating goosebumps, a new thing to try to spice up sex life

Cold air teasing is unfair. In a good way. Goosebumps happen when tiny arrector pili muscles contract, and your body goes “attention please.” A hairdryer is something new that feels playful, safe, and weirdly intimate.

Do This

  • Cool setting only, low power only, and keep a distance. You’re teasing, not cooking.
  • Sweep air across inner thighs, lower belly, and nipples. Then stop. Stopping builds sexual tension.
  • Pair it with dirty talk that matches the moment: “Tell me where you want it.” Then actually listen.

Idea #5 – Switching Roles For The Night

Ivy taking the lead over Marco during role reversal, a new thing to try to spice up sex life

Most couples run the same script. Same starter, same middle, same finish. Switching roles breaks the loop. This can be power play, light bondage, strap-on play, or just her calling the shots. Consent stays the boss.

Do This

  • Say: “I want something new. Tonight you lead, I follow. You can stop it anytime.”
  • Hand her the strap-on and say, "I want you to know what it feels like to be the one in charge." Keep it slow, use lots of lube, and check in often.
  • Try a simple prop: a scarf as light bondage for wrists, quick-release only. If anything feels off, you stop.

Idea #6 – Give Her An Erotic ASMR Experience

Ivy whispering into a microphone while Marco listens with headphones, a new thing to try to spice up sex life

ASMR done right is basically foreplay for the nervous system. It draws attention to the moment where desire lives. And yes, bro, this is also a sneaky way to get better at phone sex and talk dirty without feeling like a cringe robot.

Do This

  • Hand her a microphone and ask her to read one short erotic story paragraph in a whisper, right into your ear.
  • Add a “sound rule”: she describes what she wants you to do to her body in simple words.
  • Keep your hands still for the first minute. Listen. Absorb every sound. You’re training anticipation, not rushing stimulation.

Idea #7 – Watch Her Masturbate

Ivy masturbating while Marco watches from a chair, a new thing to try to spice up sex life

Watching her masturbate is one of the cleanest sex ideas on earth: she shows you what works, in real time, on her body. It also fast-tracks your finger and oral play skills by helping you stop guessing.

Do This

  • Tell her: “I want to learn your body. Show me.” Then you shut up and watch.
  • Ask for one coaching line only: “Faster, slower, or stay there?”
  • When she’s close, ask if she wants you to join. If she says no, you keep watching like an adult.

Idea #8 – Race To The Seventh Heaven

Marco and Ivy masturbating together during a playful orgasm race, a new thing to try to spice up sex life

"Race to the Seventh Heaven" is actually a mutual masturbation competition where you both try to be the first to hit seven orgasms. Like a race to see who gets there first. Sounds wild, right?

Do This

  • Set the challenge: You and your partner start mutual masturbation at the same time. The goal is simple. First one to reach seven orgasms wins the race to seventh heaven.
  • Use every trick you know: oral play, sex toys, dirty talk, edging, or light spanking. Anything that heightens pleasure and helps you climb faster.
  • Turn it into a sexy scoreboard: after each orgasm, call the score out loud. The teasing, competition, and sexual tension make the whole experience hotter than actual sex alone.

Idea #9 – Shadow-Light Tease Sex

Marco and Ivy teasing each other through shadow play, a new thing to try to spice up sex life

Shadow play is sexy because it leaves room for imagination. Your brain fills gaps with sexual fantasies, and that’s jet fuel.

Do This

  • Create a clean silhouette: Put one lamp behind you so your shadows hit the wall clearly. Move slow. Slow shadow movement keeps the brain locked in.
  • Tease through the shadow: Touch, kiss, and slide your hands while both of you watch the silhouette. The brain predicts the next move, which heightens arousal.
  • Use the almost-touch trick: Hover your hand near sensitive spots without touching yet. That tiny pause builds tension and makes the final touch hit way harder.

Idea #10 – Create A Porn Video Together

Marco filming Ivy posing in lingerie, a new thing to try to spice up sex life

This is only hot when it’s safe. Period. Digital sex content shared without consent can seriously harm people, and once it’s online, it can be brutally hard to control. So if you are both a 'Hell yes,' get creative; if not, skip this idea and go to the next.

Do This

  • Keep it suggestive, not explicit: Film a private strip tease, slow undressing, or sensual massage. It keeps the fantasy hot without creating risky explicit content.
  • Set clear digital rules first: Agree where the video lives, who can access it, and when it gets deleted. Consent stays flexible and reversible at any time.
  • Study ethical porn for ideas: Look for scenes that show clear consent, mutual pleasure, and performer wellbeing. That’s the kind of energy you want to recreate.

Idea #11 – Sample An Aphrodisiac Together

Marco feeding Ivy chocolate during foreplay, a new thing to try to spice up sex life

Aphrodisiacs are a vibe more than a miracle. The scientific basis for many “aphrodisiac foods” is limited. But turning it into a playful date night ritual can still spark curiosity, flirtation, and a fun way to spice things up. It works because anticipation works.

Do This

  • Prime the mood first: Watch a playful video of couples trying sex chocolates or aphrodisiac treats together so she gets the idea.
  • Use it as a playful launchpad: After watching, smile and say, “Alright…let’s see if that actually works. How about tonight?”
  • Turn it into a sexy tasting game: Pick two or three aphrodisiac foods like oysters, dark chocolate, or maca, and make it your little sex bucket list appetizer before the night really begins.

Idea #12 – Have Sex In Front Of A Mirror

Marco and Ivy having sex in front of a mirror, a new thing to try to spice up sex life

Mirror sex is an instant novelty because you see angles you never see. It also makes you notice her body like you’re dating again. And it’s a sneaky confidence boost when you actually compliment what you see.

Do This

  • Start slow in front of the mirror: Stand together fully clothed, facing the mirror. Take your time slowly undressing her piece by piece, like you’re enjoying every second. Whisper in her ear not to take her eyes off the mirror.
  • Build the tease deliberately: Once she’s naked, start with slow touches. Caress her face, slide down to her neck, then her breasts, then slowly down her stomach while your breath grazes her skin.
  • Shift into sex standing: Kiss her against the mirror and move into sex standing if it feels stable. Say what you see out loud. Lines like “I love watching you like this” intensify the moment.

Idea #13 – Try Fun & Messy Food Play

Marco teasing Ivy with honey during playful messy food play to spice up their sex life

Food play works because it flips sex into a playful act instead of a performance. When laughter, licking, and teasing mix together, tension drops and physical connection climbs fast. A tequila body shot is a perfect example. It’s simple, messy, and ridiculously hot when done slowly.

Do This

  • Turn her body into the shot tray: Have her lie back and sprinkle a little salt along the curve of her collarbone or chest. Slowly lick the salt from her skin, take the tequila shot, then chase it with a lime slice resting on her body.
  • Make the moment slow and teasing: Don’t rush it like a bar shot. Let your tongue travel slowly over her skin before the drink. That anticipation is what makes the moment electric.
  • Keep it playful, not chaotic: Use small amounts of liquid and keep towels nearby. The goal is teasing and laughter, not turning the bedroom into a cleaning project.

Idea #14 – Dawdle In A Slow Steamy Shower Session

Shower sex sounds simple. In reality, the magic is the build-up, not rushing straight to penetration. Steam, warm water, slippery skin. Brother, that combo turns basic foreplay into something seriously hot.

Do This

  • Start slow: Press bodies together under the warm water and explore your partner’s body with slow hands and sensual massage.
  • Use the wall: Let your partner lean against the wall while you kiss, tease, and try sex standing safely.
  • Mix sensations: Switch between oral play, mutual masturbation, or hot and cold water to keep arousal climbing.
Marco and Ivy enjoying slow, steamy shower sex to spice up their sex life

Idea #15 – Defying-Gravity Sex On A Swing

Marco going down on Ivy on a sex swing for adventurous defying-gravity sex to spice up their sex life

A sex swing instantly turns your bedroom into a new playground for sex positions. Gravity changes everything. Angles shift, pressure changes, and suddenly, the same movements feel completely different. That’s why couples use swings to explore positions that would be almost impossible on a bed.

Do This

  • Set the angle first, trust me on this: Strap her in and shorten the back strap a little so her hips tilt up. That tiny tilt exposes the pelvis, and the angle suddenly feels ten times deeper.
  • Don’t rush it, tease first: Hold her hips and gently rock the swing back and forth. Kiss down her stomach, inner thighs, take your time. That slow sway builds crazy sexual tension before anything even starts.
  • Let your body drive the motion: Step forward to push the swing, step back to pull it toward you. That push-pull rhythm keeps everything smooth and steady. You’ll feel the difference instantly, brother.

If you try one of these new things and it feels awkward, good. Awkward means you’re learning and building new pathways together, not sleepwalking through your sex life.

Now you’ve got the menu. Let’s talk about how to ask without making it weird.

Andrew’s Expert Tip On How To Talk To Your Partner About Trying New Things Using The SQL Perfect Day Exercise

Marco and Ivy reading the SQL Perfect Day journal while talking about new things to try in bed

The quality of a couple’s sex life depends heavily on how well partners talk about sex. One powerful tool for this is the SQL Perfect Day Exercise. Each partner describes their ideal sexual day and the new things they would love to try in bed. Here’s how to do it.

Step #1 – Write Your Own Perfect Sexual Day (What New Things To Try In Bed?)

This is not a porn script. Think of it like building a sex bucket list for your intimate life. The goal is simple. Explore fantasies and break free from routine so new things to try in bed feel easier to talk about later.

Do This

  • Grab a journal: Write your perfect sexual day from morning to night. Include solo play, a hot tub session, car sex, or even silent sex in a risky setting. Be as detailed as possible.
  • Let the fantasies run: Role play, sensory deprivation, wax play, or using vibrating panties. Nothing gets filtered here.
  • Focus on your desire: This is about personal exploration, not pleasing a partner yet.

Step #2 – Ask Her To Write Her Perfect Day Too

Now the exercise becomes a deep connection tool. Two people exploring fantasies together creates a stronger physical connection and emotional closeness.

Do This

  • Invite, don’t pressure: Ask if she’d enjoy writing her own perfect sexual day. Curiosity works better than persuasion.
  • Give playful prompts: Role play, a cozy indoor picnic with candles, a sex playlist, or a playful act like a strip tease.
  • Remind her of the rules: She can explore fantasies freely and still discuss boundaries later.

Step #3 – Share Your Perfect Days Without Judging Each Other

This step builds trust and an intimate connection. The point is understanding fantasies, not negotiating them.

Do This

  • Listen like a teammate: If fantasies include a virtual sex party, sensory deprivation, or a wild sex challenge, stay curious.
  • Ask one good question: “What about that turns you on?”
  • Respect limits instantly: If something feels off, discuss boundaries and move on.

Step #4 – Find The Overlap That Feels Exciting For Both Of You

Most couples discover they share more fantasies than they expected. That overlap is where the fun begins.

Do This

  • Look for shared curiosity: Maybe both like temperature play with an ice cube or sensual massage oils.
  • Turn it into a playful list: Add ideas like new sex positions, a hot tub date night, or trying a fun way to explore fantasies.
  • Use a fetish quiz-style round: A quick yes, no, maybe answers keep things light.

Step #5 – Pick One New Thing To Try In Bed Together

One exciting twist done well beats ten awkward attempts. Agree on one thing that you both want to try tonight and get into it.

Do This

  • Start simple: A sex playlist, sensual massage, or experimenting with new positions.
  • Add a playful prop: Tingling arousal gel, an ice cube, or even a trip to a local sex shop.
  • Keep the goal fun: The real win is a deeper emotional connection, a stronger physical connection, and most likely a lot more mind-blowing orgasms.

The SQL Perfect Day Exercise is not about acting out every fantasy. It is about exploring sexuality openly so partners understand each other better. That openness creates intimate connection, deeper emotional closeness, and a sex life that keeps evolving instead of repeating the same routine. And brother, that’s where the real magic happens.

Alright, now let me borrow a woman’s brain for a minute, because men love stepping on rakes.

A Woman's Perspective..
On How To Avoid The Most Common Mistakes When Introducing New Things In Bed

from Isabel
CERTIFIED SEXOLOGIST
Isabel, certified sexologist at SQL and SOS, sharing a woman’s perspective on introducing new things in bed

Men think the problem is a lack of sex ideas. Women say the problem is how the idea gets delivered. Here are the most common mistakes men make when introducing something new in bed and how to avoid them.

Mistake #1 – Rushing The Conversation Or Bringing It Up At The Wrong Time

If she’s stressed, tired, or you’re mid-argument, your “something new” request lands like a chore. Pick a neutral, connected moment, not a desperate moment.

Solution

  • Bring it up on your next date night before you get horny.
  • Lead with connection: “I miss our intimate moments.”

Mistake #2 – Presenting New Ideas Without Any Warmth Or Reassurance

When you pitch kinky sex ideas like a demand, her brakes slam on. Warmth tells her this is about both of you, not you outsourcing her body.

Solution

  • Say: “You’re enough. I just want something new with you.”
  • Ask: “What would make this feel safe for you?”

Mistake #3 – Presenting A Fully Formed No-Options Plan

“Tonight we’re doing anal sex and a sex party and a sex swing.” Relax. That’s not confidence, that’s panic.

Solution

  • Give three options, then let her choose or edit.
  • Make “not now” a respected option, not a punishment.

Mistake #4 – Taking a " No" Or "Not Now" As A Personal Rejection

A no to an act is not a no to you. Consent is specific, not global. When you sulk, you train her that honesty causes drama.

Solution

  • Say: “Got it. Thanks for telling me.”
  • Ask: “Is there something new you’d want instead?”

Mistake #5 – Failing To Do The Homework

Toys, anal play, light bondage, even something simple like lube, all of it needs basic safety knowledge. Nothing destroys a sex life faster than pain, infection, or a toy getting stuck because you got cocky.

Solution

  • If you’re using sex toys, clean them, use condoms on shared toys, and use enough lubricant.
  • For anal play, remember the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, and toys need a flared base.
  • Do your research before you jump into new things in the bedroom, this creates a safe container for both of you.

If you want your partner to be open to something new, act like a safe man, not a horny salesman. That’s the whole cheat code.

Cool. Now let’s hit the questions you’re already thinking.

Frequently Asked Questions

Most guys don’t need more sex ideas. They need cleaner execution and fewer unforced errors.
Here are the answers that actually help.

What if my partner thinks I'm weird or gross for suggesting something new?

Say: “I’m not asking you to be someone else. I’m asking if we can try something new together.” Then offer two gentle options and say “no pressure” out loud, because consent must be freely given.

I'm not very creative. Where can I find simple ideas to start with?

Use a three-item starter pack: mirror sex, mutual masturbation, and a slow, sensual massage. Those are new things to try in bed that don’t require weird props or advanced skills.

How often should we be trying to introduce new things?

Aim for one “something new” per month, not per night. Consistency beats chaos. The goal is a sex life that stays alive, not a performance schedule.

What's the best way to recover if a new thing we try turns out to be awkward or fails?

Use humor, then reset: “That was clumsy. I love you. Want to go back to what works?” Awkward moments don’t ruin intimacy; sulking ruins it.

My partner is pretty shy. How do I make her feel more comfortable being adventurous?

Start with low-stakes novelty: sensory play, soft lighting, erotic stories, or a blindfold. Then take turns and let her control the pace, because control creates safety, and safety creates arousal.

Ready to take your skills to the next level? Join our exclusive online course “Squirting Triggers” and gain in-depth knowledge with expert guidance, easy-to-follow step-by-step explanations, live demonstrations, and two female perspectives. Don’t just read about it – master it! Enroll today and start transforming your life. Get started Now!

Andrew Mioch

Andrew Mioch is a certified sexologist and one of the world’s leading sex coaches and best-selling author after spending 10 years learning from experts all over the world.

Andrew has personally coached over 5,000 men. His expertise is regularly sought in publications such as Men's Health, Medium, and Cosmopolitan Magazine.

These days, Andrew spends most of his time coaching clients privately and also through SQL’s online Mastery Academy.


Disclosure: Our content is reader-supported. This means if you click on some of our links, then we may earn a commission. We only recommend products that we believe will add value to our readers.


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