In this article, I’m going to reveal my secrets about how to have an orgasmic wife.
You might be asking yourself “is it even possible for her to have an orgasm more easily?”
And the answer is a resounding YES!
I’ve been teaching couples how to have more orgasms for over ten years.
I’ve done in-person seminars where women had their first orgasms.
And I’ve helped men give their wives their first orgasm.
But throughout it all, I’ve come to realize that a woman can ABSOLUTELY change her “orgasmic ability” or her “orgasmic potential” as we like to call it.
It may take some time, but this article will certainly help you get started, so I suggest you read it carefully.
In general, all women have the ability to have an orgasm.
Some women can just have them much more easily than others.
In fact, some women can have orgasms more easily, longer, stronger, and more full body.
And that’s what I want to teach you today – Exactly how to move your wife up that scale of orgasmic potential.
The Anatomy of a Female Orgasm
The four steps below were first developed by sexual researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson. The steps have held up well throughout the decades.
It is at this stage that blood begins to engorge the genitalia – the nipples, the clitoris, the vagina, the g-spot. It will also make the erogenous zones more sensitive to touch, including the lips, ears, stomach, inner thighs, and lower back.
The heart rate and blood pressure will increase as increasing levels of hormones, like testosterone and dopamine, are released.
Heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing continue to increase. This is when sexual tension builds up and the individual is solely focused on the sexual stimuli while all other sensations are ignored.
The sexual tension finally releases as contractions begin in the uterus, vagina, and pelvic floor muscles. This may also cause muscle contractions throughout the body as well as a warm feeling spread from the pelvis and out towards the body.
The body relaxes and blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing return to normal. Blood flows away from the genitals, and feelings of satisfaction and sleepiness may occur.
How to Have an Orgasmic Wife: A Guide to Increasing Orgasmic Potential
These techniques will be critical to helping your wife increase her orgasmic potential.
Focus on the Foreplay
You’d think that increasing orgasmic potential would focus solely on the ‘orgasm’ stage of the sexual phases outlined above, right? Well, I’m here to tell you that focusing on foreplay, or the ‘excitement’ stage of the sexual phases, can have the greatest impact.
There are three key pieces that must be in place for a woman to orgasm. They are:
- Vasocongestion, or blood flow to the genitals.
- Myotonia, or muscle tension.
- Activation of the hypothalamus, or release of oxytocin.
What typically happens during foreplay is that just one or two of these are activated before sex begins. Typically vasocongestion at the very least. So while your partner can achieve the second and/or third during sexual activity, it’s not ideal as it can take longer and put more pressure on her to perform.
So the goal is to focus on foreplay that really sets her up for success.
What does this look like?
Most obviously, spending more time on foreplay will often result in meeting more of the targets.
Use physical cues to know when she’s ready.
Vasocongestion is the easiest to detect as the genitals (particularly the clitoris and labia) will look and feel fuller. Myotonia can also be easy to detect. You’ll notice her limbs are more tensed as she’s being stimulated. As for the release of oxytocin, this can be harder to “see.” You may notice deeper kisses, longer gazes, and generally more focused attention on bonding-type behaviors.
How long it takes for your partner to hit all three milestones will depend on a few factors. But take your time since this is a marathon, not a sprint.
We wrote an article about “how long does it take a female to orgasm?” here.
Use Her Cycle to Your Advantage
Let’s face it, you probably don’t focus much on your wife’s cycle except when it’s her “time of the month.” But what if I told you that timing sex during certain parts of her cycle can unlock new levels of orgasmic potential?
According to Gabrielle Lichterman, author of 28 Days: What Your Cycle Reveals About Your Moods, Health & Potential, the first two days of a women’s cycle can be the optimal time for intimacy. Why? Testosterone levels surge, libido is at its highest point, and the breasts and clitoris are extremely sensitive.
That’s not the only time a woman is predisposed to mind-blowing orgasms, though. There’s a 7-day window immediately before and during ovulation where women’s estrogen levels soar. This increases sex drive and pleasure, both of which are for the biological purpose of procreation.
So if you want to know when the right time for her most natural libido spikes are and earn brownie points with your wife? Ask her to let you know where she is in her cycle. There are even apps you can share on your phones to keep tabs so you know just when to strike.
Just one important thing to keep in mind: While you should always use some form of protection if you’re looking to avoid pregnancy, this is even more important in the 7 days leading up to and 5 days after ovulation.
Find Her Sexual Accelerators
Everyone has their breaks and accelerators or, more specifically, the things that turn them off and the things that turn them on. Finding your wife’s sexual accelerators will go a long way in improving her orgasmic potential.
Perhaps there are things you do in the bedroom that you think turn her on but really don’t. Or maybe you know exactly what turns her on but you don’t spend enough time winding her up. Either way, clear communication is important.
How can you find her sexual accelerators? First consider whether your wife is more tactile, visual, or auditory. Do her main turn-ons have more to do with touch, sight, or sound? Examples of these include:
Tactile: Touching you and being touched by you, getting massaged.
Visual: Looking at adult magazines, watching adult entertainment, reading erotica.
Auditory: Listening to adult entertainment, being whispered to, hearing you tell her what you want to do to her.
Ask your wife what she likes and pay attention to her verbal and nonverbal cues during intimacy. You may be surprised to learn you were ignoring a whole slew of turn-ons that your partner enjoys.
Once you’ve found those accelerators, you want to be sure to spend plenty of time on them before sex. Some of them can begin hours, or even days, beforehand. For example, whisper sweet nothings in her ear the morning of, or send her dirty pictures in the days leading up to sex. Not sure what to say? Here are 25+ things to say during sex.
Bring in the Reinforcements
While sex toys like vibrators and dildos aren’t completely necessary for most women to climax, they can be a pleasurable addition to any sex routine.
There are so many options, so even if you’ve tried one or two before and weren’t happy, there are plenty of other toys to try.
For women who need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, a bullet vibrator or suction clitoral stimulator are great choices. This will leave your hands free to wander while you go to town on her. Or perhaps she’s into nipple play – nipple clamps and stimulators are a great option for foreplay!
There are even couples’ sex toys so you can both get in on the fun. Some toys, like the We-Vibe Chorus, will give you and her full control of the pleasure, from vibration intensity to grip strength.
Whether for foreplay or the main event, don’t be afraid to experiment with the many, many toys available.
Advanced Technique: The Orgasmic Potential Massage
The above tips are great for implementing in the moment. But what about building her up over time to increase her orgasmic potential? That’s where the orgasmic potential massage comes in.
This advanced technique takes time, patience, and perseverance. Only undertake this if you will complete the series of massages or else you’ll risk letting her down and damaging your sexual intimacy.
The end goal here is to increase the sexual energy flow throughout her body to increase her ‘orgasmic potential.’ How is this done? By targeting high-tension areas to release stress and tension.
Women hold a lot of tension in their bodies. If it’s not released, it can be difficult for her to fully enjoy the experience and ultimately, orgasm.
After all, sexual energy needs to flow to her pussy (during arousal) and ripple throughout her body (during climax). The more tension there is, the more roadblocks there are to that energy flow.
Just think about it: the healthier and fitter a woman is, the more likely she is able to orgasm. A woman who doesn’t care for herself, both physically and mentally, is less likely able to orgasm or only able to after a lot of time and effort.
While some women hold tension differently, the most common tension spots are outlined below.
On her front:
- Shoulders and neck
- Under the shoulder blade (as she exhales deeply)
- Down the back
- On the top of the buttocks (she will give you feedback about the exact location on her buttocks)
On her back:
- Just below the collar bone (as she exhales)
- At the top of the breast
- On the bottom of the breast
- Under the bottom of the rib cage
- The V at the top of the pubic bone
- Along the inside of the upper thigh in line with the vagina
While all of these areas should be targeted, the most important areas are highlighted in blue below:
The massage techniques you use will depend on your and her preference. I prefer to work my way down her body with a combination of kneading, effleurage, and rubbing. Any massage oil will do, though I highly recommend grapeseed oil as it’s cheap, easily available, and great for the skin.
Now one thing to keep in mind is this is a time commitment. It’s not a one-and-done deal. It usually takes anywhere from 10 to 15 2-hour sessions for a woman to reach her full orgasmic potential.
It’s true that some women experience orgasms more easily than others. Some women are blessed to experience multiple, shaking orgasms every time they have sex. And while other women cannot do so naturally, it IS something they can learn.
It may take some time and patience on your part, but a woman CAN increase her orgasmic potential. That leads to a happier, more fulfilling sex life for both of you.
So if you want to give your woman orgasms more easily, longer, stronger, and more full-body, then follow the techniques outlined above. You’re not likely to see results overnight, but perseverance will pay off.