Mutual Masturbation | The Ultimate Guide for Couples

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Think that mutual masturbation is just for teens and couples who aren’t ready to have sex?

Think again. Masturbating with your partner is one of the sexiest things you can do together. It increases levels of intimacy, spices up your sex life, and leads to powerful orgasms that will leave you both screaming with ecstasy.

If you’ve always thought of masturbation as a sad or shameful activity that you do alone, get ready to experience it in a whole new light! This ultimate guide will explain everything you need to know about how to make mutual masturbation toe-curlingly amazing for both you and your partner.

We’ll walk you through all the benefits of masturbating with your other half and explain how to get started. We’ll show you precisely how to touch your partner to give them maximum pleasure and help them achieve back-breakingly good orgasms.

Lastly, we’ll share ten tips for making mutual masturbation crazy hot for both of you.

In this guide, we’ll explain things like:

This guide is fairly long and detailed so if you’re looking for something specific, feel free to click any of the above links and skip ahead to the info you want.

ALSO: Make sure you check out Squirting Triggers 2.0 – my amazing new video program that shows you step by step how to give any girl the best orgasm of her life.

1. What is mutual masturbation?

Masturbation is the act of touching and stimulating yourself sexually to orgasm (or not). When you do it with a partner, it becomes mutual masturbation and is one of the best ways to express your love for each other.

Mutual masturbation can include a wide range of activities such as:


• Kissing
• Sensual massage
• Fingering
• Handjobs
• Testicular massage
• Sex toys
• Anal play
• …and more!

In other words, even if mutual masturbation seems like a new concept, it includes plenty of things that you may already be used to, as part of your regular sex life. Mutual masturbation is very similar to foreplay but with a twist; it doesn’t have to lead to penetrative sex (although it can if you want it to!).

One one hand, mutual masturbation can be as simple as one person masturbating themselves while their partner watches or gives instructions. On the other hand, mutual masturbation can involve both partners masturbating themselves and/or each other simultaneously. The choice is yours!

2. The benefits of mutual masturbation

Mutual masturbation offers a number of benefits for both you and your partner, and it solves plenty of problems too.

Mutual masturbation is great for things like:

• Stress relief
• Improving foreplay
• Learning new things about each other
• Spicing up your sex life
• Increasing intimacy
• Avoiding STIs
Being intimate in a long-distance relationship
• Enjoying a sexual experience when you can’t have penetrative sex
• Having sex in a new (and better!) way

Let’s look at some of these amazing benefits in more detail:

Stress relief

Mutual masturbation offers all the benefits of regular masturbation; it helps reduce stress, release sexual tension and improve your concentration. If you achieve orgasm during mutual masturbation, your body releases a number of hormones and endorphins including DHEA and oxytocin that can help you relax and sleep better.

When men orgasm, they release prolactin, norepinephrine, vasopressin, nitric oxide, serotonin, and oxytocin. These are all guaranteed to help guys de-stress and feel better. Some studies have even shown that these hormones help protect against heart disease and certain types of cancer!

Improving foreplay

Masturbating with your partner and watching them masturbate is a massive turn-on, but it’s also great for upping your foreplay game too. You’ll learn exactly what your partner likes, where they like to be touched and how.

Watching your partner masturbate will show you what their ‘Orgasm-face’ looks like as well as what you need to do in order to get them there! You can pick up on clues like the sounds and motions they make when something feels good and use what you learn in the future during mutual masturbation, foreplay or sex.

Learning new things about each other

Masturbating with or in front of your partner lets you show them exactly what you like and how you want to be touched. They’ll also learn more about your sexual preferences and how you experience pleasure.

Watching your partner masturbate helps you identify a number of subtle things that you may not notice during sex. Things like: How fast do they move their hands or fingers? What motions do they prefer? What sounds do they make when they experience sexual pleasure? Do they pinch their nipples? Which sex toy do they prefer and on which setting?

Mutual masturbation is a fantastic way to learn new things about each other and this helps strengthen your relationship.

Spicing up your sex life

Has your sex life run out of steam? Mutual masturbation is an amazing way to inject some fizz into your bedroom routine. It’s great for breaking out of a sexual rut because it lets you experiment with things that you may not feel comfortable trying during standard penis-in-vagina (PIV) penetration sessions.

With mutual masturbation you can try:

• Dirty talk
Telling your partner what you like, or instructing them what to do, is super-hot; try it!

• Roleplay
Mutual masturbation is the perfect excuse to introduce costumes or uniforms (as if you needed an excuse, eh?).

• Role swapping
Take turns being dominant or submissive.

• Orgasm control
Tease and deny your partner using a technique known as ‘edging’ until they explode with pleasure (we’ll show you exactly how to do this below!).

• Kinky play
Mutual masturbation is a great time to introduce blindfolds, rope, and restraints.

Increasing intimacy

If you still think that masturbation is only for teens, don’t underestimate how intimate mutual masturbation can be. After all, it’s something that most people do in total privacy.

Mutual masturbation can help bring you closer together with your partner and increase your levels of intimacy. You’ll be sharing things that you normally only do in private and seeing your partner is a completely different light.

Avoiding STIs

While some sexually transmitted infections (STIs) like genital herpes can be spread through skin contact alone, mutual masturbation is considered far less risky than penetrative sex. It’s a great way to get super turned on and make your partner scream with pleasure, all while greatly reducing the risk of contracting an STI.

It’s important to note that mutual masturbation isn’t 100 percent risk-free. You may still contract STIs or even HIV if you swap bodily fluids, say, through a cut or abrasion. However, the risk is significantly less than with penetrative sex.

Being intimate in a long-distance relationship

Mutual masturbation and phone or cam sex go together like peanut butter and jelly. If you’re in a long-distance relationship or are otherwise separated from your partner, mutual masturbation is one of the best ways of keeping your passion burning.

You can mix in some dirty talk over the phone and take turns giving or receiving instructions about what to do. If you want to try a video call, even better!

Enjoying a sexual experience when you can’t have penetrative sex

Sadly, most of us are brought up to believe that only penetrative sex counts as ‘real’ sex. But sex covers so much more than that. Don’t believe us?

Try mutual masturbation and then ask yourself the following questions:

• Were you turned on?
• Was your partner turned on?
• Were you enjoying yourself?
• Was your partner enjoying themselves?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of those questions, then congratulations; you were having sex! So, the next time you can’t have sex due to an infection or an upcoming Pap smear test and feel like you’re missing out – don’t!

Having sex in a new (and better!) way

Last but not least, mutual masturbation lets you have sex in a new and better way.


Yes! It’s completely normal for both men and women to experience stronger climaxes during masturbation than they have during regular intercourse. Why? Well, when you fly solo, you have time to build your arousal levels, focus on your erogenous zones and use precise strokes, movements, and pressure that takes you to complete ecstasy.

Mutual masturbation lets you share your killer tips with your partner and, hopefully, makes your sack-session orgasms just as earth-shattering as the ones you give yourself.

3. How to overcome shyness

At this point, you may be wondering; “If mutual masturbation is so crazy hot, why don’t more couples try it?”

A big part of the reason is shyness. Even couples who have already had sex feel intimidated by the thought of masturbating in front of each other, women often more so than men.

Despite the fact that masturbation is normal and healthy for both men and women, there’s still a fair amount of stigma attached to masturbating and many people feel it’s dirty or wrong. It’s hardly surprising that most people feel shy about masturbating in front of their partner.

Here are a few tips for overcoming shyness and plucking up the courage to masturbate with each other:

Touch each other

Mutual masturbation isn’t just about how you touch yourself; it’s also about how you touch your partner. To ease yourself into mutual masturbation, try lying together, kissing and exploring each other’s erogenous zones. Some light fingering or a handjob can easily turn into mutual exploration and before long, you’ll feel confident enough to show your partner how you do things without worrying about how you look or what you sound like.

Close your eyes

If you’re shy about mutual masturbation, it’s probably because you’re worried about what your partner will think when they see you. Closing your eyes can help take much of the pressure off and really adds to the experience.

Express your feelings

If you’re still feeling shy, try talking about your feelings first. You never know, it could be your partner’s fantasy to see you in the throes of ecstasy. You’ll never find out unless you talk about it. Try bringing up the subject casually and see where things lead, you may be pleasantly surprised!

4. How to get started with mutual masturbation

So, you’re ready to take the plunge. Now what? Of course, you can just flat-out tell your partner that you want to try masturbating together, but that approach can be too direct for some people’s liking.

Here are three of the best ways to suggest mutual masturbation to your partner.

Send a sexy text or message

If you aren’t sure how your partner will react, try sending them a sexy text message during the day. Tell them how hot it would be to just watch each other getting off without having sex. This casual approach helps you gauge how your partner feels about masturbating in front of you. If they aren’t up for it, you can always laugh it off!

Try the ‘no-touching’ rule

Dim the lights, play some sexy music and tell your partner they can look but they can’t touch. Slowly strip off your clothes as your partner watches and encourage them to touch themselves. This can take the awkwardness out of having to discuss mutual masturbation and make it seem less forced and more natural.

Dirty talk during foreplay

Mutual masturbation can start out like regular sex. You might start making out, move to dry humping and then introduce some foreplay. Try talking dirty about how hot it would be to watch your partner orgasm, and let things progress from there.

5. How to masturbate him (Tips for her)

If your partner is a guy or someone with a penis, you’ll likely want to know exactly how to help them orgasm and how to make their orgasms even more pleasurable. Here are seven mutual masturbation tips that will make your guy explode with pleasure and leave him begging for more!

1. Ask him to show you

Mutual masturbation can sometimes work best if you watch while he shows you how he strokes himself. Watching your guy pleasure himself can be a huge turn-on and it gives you an insight into what types of strokes and grips he prefers.

Does he use his whole hand or just his thumb and a few fingers? Which hand does he prefer? Does he go fast, slow, or does he like to switch things up? What sounds does he make when he’s close to orgasming? You can soak up these tips for later use and can also pleasure yourself while you watch.

2. Use plenty of lube

Whether you want your partner to masturbate in front of you, or you want to give them a helping hand, plenty of lube is the order of the day. The right lube can transform a simple handjob into an earth-shattering experience that will have him crying with pleasure. But which lube should you try?

Water-based lube is best if you plan to use sex toys as it won’t damage them, but it will get quite sticky after a while if you are just giving a handjob. That’s why oil-based lubes are the way to go. They won’t get sticky during mutual masturbation sessions the way that water-based lubes do. Silicone-based lube is the longest-lasting option.

3. Switch up your strokes and grip

If you want to give your guy an awesome handjob, be careful about squeezing his penis too hard or stroking too fast. Getting him to show you exactly how he likes to jack off can help you avoid giving him the ‘death grip’ when you take over! Switch up your strokes and grip while continually asking him how it feels.

The perfect handjob technique will depend quite a bit on whether your man has been circumcised or is uncut. If he’s cut, gently see how far you can move the foreskin and avoid pulling it too much. Use enough lubricant so that you can stroke his shaft without tugging his foreskin down too far. If he’s uncut, you have more skin to play with but you still need to be careful about pulling down too vigorously.

If in doubt, ask him to show you first and try to mimic his style. You can also ask him to place his hand over yours and guide your fingers into exactly the right position. Don’t worry if he has to take over when he’s about to orgasm and ejaculate. It’s quite tricky to get the right grip pressure and stroke speed, especially if you are just starting out with mutual masturbation. So, just sit back and watch the show!

4. Try testicular play

Did you know that there are just as many sexual nerve endings in a guy’s testicles as there are in his penis? If you want to really see sparks fly, try stroking and massaging his balls or gently playing with his scrotum while you give him a hand job. He’ll love it!

With experience, you may notice that your man’s scrotum actually contracts a little when he gets close to orgasm. If you get good at anticipating this, you may be able to try a technique known as ‘edging’.

This is when you bring him near the point of climax and then stop and let him go soft. If you repeat this two or three times, he’ll experience a far stronger orgasm when he finally climaxes.

To get good at ‘edging’, try massaging your guy’s scrotum while you give him a handjob. As he approaches climax and you notice his scrotum tightening, stop the handjob and tug down a little on his scrotum (not his testicles, just the skin of his scrotum!). For most men, this has the effect of taking their mind away from climaxing when they are about to cum.

You can also introduce testicle play when you are just watching from the sidelines. It’s amazing how many guys ignore their testicles when they masturbate, so you can always offer suggestions or give instructions. Tell him how to touch himself, and how to massage or tease himself until he orgasms.

5. Tease the perineum

The area between a guy’s penis and anus is called the perineum and it’s packed full of nerve endings. Gently pressing your fingertips (or a sex toy) into this area is an awesome way to make a standard handjob crazy hot. If you want to introduce a vibrator or a vibrating prostate massager to your mutual masturbation session, you can apply the buzzing tip directly to his perineum and give him the sensation of a lifetime.

6. Experiment with anal play

If he’s up for it, you can use your index finger or a prostate massager to experiment with a little anal play while you give him a handjob. Just be aware that water-based lube is fine for all sex toys but oil-based lube isn’t.

The man’s prostate is best stimulated from within his anus which is why prostate massagers are curved upward and inwards. With the right prostate toy and plenty of lube, it’s possible to stimulate the perfect spot and give your guy the best orgasm of his life!

7. Get mutual

While stroking his cock and massaging his balls and/or perineum, encourage him to reach between your legs for some mutual stimulation. Guide him towards your clitoris and G-spot so that you are simultaneously giving and receiving pleasure.

6. How to masturbate her (Tips for him)

If your partner is a woman or a person with a vagina, you may not be aware that orgasms are most likely mystical things for them. Like pots of gold at the end of a rainbow, many women find orgasms elusive, to say the least.

Here are seven mutual masturbation tips that will help you rock their world!

Ask to watch

One of the joys of mutual masturbation is getting to watch exactly how your partner gets herself to climax. It’s hugely erotic, especially if you pleasure yourself while watching.

As she shows you how she masturbates, take note of her preferred position, motions, hand gestures, and speed. How fast or slow does she go? How does her breathing change as she approaches climax? Does she touch her nipples? Does she focus on her clitoris or does she finger herself? What sounds and noises does she make?

These details will help you improve your foreplay game and also come in handy during mutual masturbation. You can offer a helping hand or have her guide your hands to show you the specific motions and levels of pressure that take her over the edge.

Focus on her clitoris

Packed with more than 8,000 nerve endings, the sole function of the clitoris is to create pleasure. While some women find direct clit stimulation overwhelming, for most it’s the fastest route to orgasm.

Start by caressing her vaginal lips and move your fingers in small circles with a light-medium pressure. Ask her to show you the exact movement she prefers and the speed and pressure that does it for her.

One of the best ways to learn is to ask her to place her hands over yours and guide your fingers into the right places. She can adjust your fingers so that you give her the right amount of pressure in the right areas using the perfect motions and speed.

Use a little lube

One of the most popular masturbation techniques for women is applying pressure in small circular motions over the clitoris with the index, middle and ring fingers held together. This feels much better with a little lubricant as it helps your fingers glide over her clitoris and vulva without causing painful friction.

Oil-based lube will last longer than water-based lube and won’t become sticky. Silicone-based lube is the longest-lasting.

Try to hit her G-spot

To help your woman orgasm, you’ll need to find her G-spot. If she’s a seasoned masturbator, she may be able to guide your finger to precisely the right spot. If not, she is in for one of the best treats that mutual masturbation has to offer!

To find her G-spot, carefully slide one of your lubed-up fingers inside her vagina and bend it so that it brushes against the front of her vaginal wall. As you draw your finger across this area, you’ll feel a little cluster of skin.

Congratulations, you’ve found her G-spot and are now set up to give her a mind-blowingly strong orgasm! Use a gentle stroking movement on her G-spot and alternate this with strong clitoral stimulation until her vaginal walls start to contract with pleasure.

Try some toys

Mutual masturbation and sex toys go together like sugar and spice. Special G-spot vibrators are perfectly curved to help you buzz her G-spot to heaven, just make sure you use enough water-based lube and be gentle as you guide it inside her vagina.

If your girl is more into clitoral stimulation, try a rabbit vibrator with special ‘ears’ to give her clit some powerful stimulation. Rabbit vibes also ‘thrust’ inside her, helping to stimulate her G-spot as well.

Give the U-spot some love, too!

The small area of skin under her clitoris and above her urethra is known as the U-spot. This is incredibly sensitive for most women, so it’s worth paying attention to during mutual masturbation. A properly lubed-up finger should do the trick, although you may need her to guide one of your fingers into just the right place.

Another way to get good U-spot stimulation is to use a decent rabbit vibrator and some lube. With a little practice, the vibrating ‘rabbit ears’ on a good-quality vibrator will hit her U-spot and create a strong sensation that feels amazing when combined with the thrusting motion of the vibrator.

7. 10 tips for improving mutual masturbation

Mutual masturbation is the perfect way to introduce a number of hot and sexy activities that you shouldn’t miss out on!

Here are our top ten tips for getting the most out of mutual masturbation.

Talk dirty

Every superhero needs a sidekick and if mutual masturbation is Batman, then dirty talk is surely Robin. As we discussed earlier, dirty talk is one of the best ways to initiate mutual masturbation, but it also works wonders during your masturbation sessions, too. There’s simply no better time to work on your dirty talk game than while you are masturbating.

If you’re unsure where to start, try talking about what you’re doing and how freaking hot it feels. You’ll get a kick out of telling your partner to show you what turns them on.


Every couple has their own power dynamic and mutual masturbation is the ideal opportunity to switch things up by swapping roles.

If you’re usually the submissive one, take a dominant role by telling your partner how to touch themselves; it’s hotter than you can imagine! If you’re usually dominant and want to see things from the other side, get your partner to tell you what to do.

Roll-swapping is a fabulous way to break out of a stagnant bedroom routine and turn the passion dial all the way up.

Discuss fantasies

Do you have any burning fantasies that you’ve always wanted to share? There’s no better time to broach the subject than during mutual masturbation. The intimacy of masturbating together can make fantasies easier to share and explore.

Take turns

Mutual masturbation can mean masturbating together simultaneously, but it can also mean taking turns while the other person watches. Taking turns can add a completely new dimension to a stale bedroom routine.

If you’ve always fantasized about seeing your other half masturbate, trying giving them a striptease and encouraging them to masturbate. As you strip, you’ll get to fulfill your fantasy while your partner inches closer to climaxing.

Watch porn or read erotica

Ever wanted to watch porn with your partner but unsure how to broach the subject? Mutual masturbation can be a pretty good ‘in’.

You can suggest watching porn and then emulating what takes place on the screen if it takes your fancy. If movies aren’t your thing, try reading some erotica to really ramp up the passion.

Try phone sex or cam sex

Mutual masturbation can be a life-saver for any couples stuck in a long-term relationship. But phone sex and Skype sex can also re-energize a stagnant sex life and help shake things up. If you’re separated from your lover, try calling them and talking dirty to see where things lead.

Simultaneous orgasm

If you and your partner have ever wanted to orgasm together but never managed it during regular intercourse, mutual masturbation may be your chance. By paying attention to tell-tale signs that your partner is close, you may be able to sync your orgasms with a little practice.

Using sex toys

Sex toys like vibrators, eggs, and dildos are a great way of enhancing mutual masturbation and making it insanely hot for both of you. Here are some tips for him and her.

For him:

A vibrator can turn a regular handjob from ‘good’ to ‘outstanding’ if you know what you’re doing with it. While giving him a handjob, try running a vibe along the length of his shaft or placing it against his testicles or perineum. This extra stimulation can give him a knee-trembling climax, especially if you use plenty of lube and switch up your strokes.

You can also experiment with vibrating or non-vibrating prostate massagers to hit his prostate. Unfortunately, many men who identify as straight are put off even trying anal play.

This is such a shame as the anus is packed full of nerve endings and stimulating the prostate (prostate milking) can result in epic orgasms. Prostate massage toys are specifically designed to stimulate the prostate and can complement a handjob or testicle massage by leading to more intense orgasms.

For her:

Overall, rabbit vibrators are awesome for clitoral and G-spot stimulation during mutual masturbation sessions. Combined with water-based lubricants, a quality vibrator can lead to intense orgasms or even multiple orgasms.

G-spot stimulators are another popular option as their special curved shape takes the guesswork out of finding her G-spot. Strong vibrations from a high-end G-spot massager can result in an earth-movingly good orgasm.

Another popular option is Tenga Eggs for powerful internal stimulation during mutual masturbation sessions. Eggs can help drive women to multiple orgasms when combined with good clitoral stimulation and/or G-spot stimulation.

Kinky play

Going ‘50 Shades of Grey’ during a penetrative sex session can seem a little intimidating. That’s why mutual masturbation can be a good time to experiment with kinky play. Sex accessories like blindfolds, cuffs and spreader bars can make mutual masturbation super-hot whether you’re giving or receiving.

Here are some popular options:


If you’re looking for the sexiest mutual masturbation aid, blindfolds might just be it. If you like being submissive, you’ll get a kick out of not knowing where your partner is going to touch you next (or with what!).

If you like being in control, the sight of your partner blindfolded is insanely hot. You can talk dirty as you touch them and delight in your every move being a complete surprise!


Special bondage cuffs are a versatile way of adding another dimension to any mutual masturbation session. Whether you cuff your partner’s hands behind their back (tame) or cuff them to a bed (better!), cuffs can take mutual masturbation to the next level. Always set your ‘safe’ word before beginning and keep the cuffs nice and loose.

Fabric or leather cuffs that fasten with a buckle are great for starting out. Try pleasuring your partner while they are restrained and practice bringing them to orgasm. Alternatively, ask them to direct you and tell you what to do.

Spreader bars

You don’t need to have watched ‘50 Shades Darker’ to appreciate the benefits of using a spreader bar during mutual masturbation! Adjustable bars with ankle and/or wrist cuffs help create a sense of helplessness and bring an added element of excitement to any mutual masturbation session.

You can take turns giving or receiving instructions and try pleasuring each other to climax. As with cuffs, always follow basic safety precautions such as setting a safe word and ensuring that the cuffs aren’t too tight.

Impact play

If you and your partner are comfortable with giving or receiving a spanking, this can be a great way to enhance mutual masturbation. One option is for the receiving partner to touch themselves while they get spanked. Another option is for the spanker to masturbate their partner while they spank, or alternate between masturbating and spanking as they go.

If spanking seems too tame, you can introduce riding crops, paddles or even whips, depending on partner’s tolerance for pain. Just remember to set your safe word before you start!

Tease and denial

As we discussed earlier, ‘edging’ is the practice of bringing yourself or your partner to the point of orgasm and then letting things cool off before starting again. This is a form of ‘tease and denial’ and is a super-hot way of making the most out of mutual masturbation!

With a little practice, you can ‘edge’ your partner close orgasm several times before they climax, helping them experience an earth-shatteringly intense orgasm. You can practice this on yourself while your partner watches or combine this technique with kinky play and help your partner experience the orgasm of their life!

8. Frequently asked questions

Still unsure about mutual masturbation? No worries. We put together this handy FAQ section that should answer any burning questions you may have.

FAQ #1 – Why mutual masturbation?

When practiced safely, mutual masturbation is a great way of experiencing strong orgasms without exposing yourself to STIs, HIV or the risk of an unplanned pregnancy. Mutual masturbation can help couples increase their levels of intimacy, break out of a sexual rut, explore their fantasies and reinvigorate their sex lives.

FAQ #2 – Is mutual masturbation safe?

Yes! Although some STIs can be transmitted through skin contact alone, mutual masturbation is far less risky than penetrative sex. However, if there are any cuts or abrasions on your skin, you could contract an STI or HIV if you come into contact with your partner’s bodily fluids. If you’re a guy, make sure that your sperm doesn’t penetrate your partner’s vagina to avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy.

FAQ #3 – Who is mutual masturbation for?

Everyone! A common misconception is that mutual masturbation is only for teens or couples who aren’t ready to have sex, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Mutual masturbation helps any couple improve their foreplay, try new techniques and spice up their sex life.

FAQ #4 – Should I use lube during mutual masturbation?

We highly recommend it. Lubricant can vastly improve mutual masturbation for both men and women by reducing uncomfortable friction.

If you plan to use sex toys, you should use a water-based lubricant as it won’t damage the materials (latex or silicone) that the toys are made from. However, if sex toys aren’t on the menu, try an oil-based lube instead. It won’t get sticky as some water-based lubes can. Silicone-based lube is the longest-lasting type of lube and is great for lengthy mutual masturbation sessions.

9. Conclusion

Mutual masturbation can be an amazing way to strengthen your relationship and breath fresh life into your sex life if you’ve fallen into a rut. It’s perfect for couples who aren’t ready or are unable to have penetrative sex and is a safe option for couples who want to greatly reduce the risk of STIs, HIV and unwanted pregnancy.

So, if you’re ready to improve your foreplay and learn how to have sex in a new, better way, mutual masturbation may be just what you’ve been looking for!