Vaginal Massage: How To Give One

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Vaginal Massage: How To Give One

Are you looking for a way to help your woman unwind, relax and discover new areas of sexual pleasure? Then look no further than vaginal massage! Massaging your partner’s vagina with your hands is one of the sexiest and most sensual things you can do. But how do you know if you’re ‘doing it right’?

Giving a stellar vaginal massage involves touching and stroking your partner’s most intimate spot with your hands. It’s all about helping her explore what feels good, boosting the feelings of intimacy between you, and maybe, just maybe, helping her orgasm along the way!

In this guide, I’ll explain everything you need to know about vaginal massage, including what it is, the fantastic benefits it can offer and how to give one! Whether you want to give your woman a massage as a stand-alone activity or as part of foreplay, this guide will give you all the tips and techniques you need to get started..tonight!

What is Vaginal Massage?

Vaginal massage is a type of massage that involves touching or stroking the vagina with your hands. It can be a stand-alone activity, a sensual solo act, or part of foreplay. It doesn’t have to be sexual; it may or may not end in orgasm.

Recently, a specific type known as Yoni massage has been getting a lot of attention. Yoni – which means ‘sacred space’ in Sanskrit – refers to a woman’s vagina and a yoni massage is something akin to ‘ceremony’ where a woman is invited to touch her vulva or have it massaged by a professional.

Yoni is a type of vaginal massage that is sensual without being explicitly sexual. A yoni massage session can include things like deep-breathing exercises, herbal treatments, and even finger penetration. It’s all about helping a person with a vagina gain a deeper understanding of their preferences and feel more comfortable with their own body.

Intrigued? I covered everything you need to know about yoni massage in my complete guide.

However, there’s much more than a yoni massage! Giving your woman a massage can be anything you want it to be, from sensual to sexy, or intimate to erotic – depending on her preferences!

What Are the Benefits of Vaginal Massage?

Vaginal massage offers a range of fantastic benefits, some of which are shared with traditional types of massage.


Vaginal massage offers all the same benefits as regular massage in terms of being highly therapeutic, relaxing, and pleasurable. Massage is a research-backed way to help lower stress levels and facilitate intimacy. Giving your partner a massage can help them to unwind and find a sense of balance and calm.

Vaginal massage often forms part of a longer experience involving things like a foot massage, a leg massage, and even a full-body massage. If you use essential oils, or massage oils containing essential oils, there is evidence that aromatherapy can help the person receiving the massage to de-stress.

For example, lavender is AMAZING for decreasing stress and anxiety, as is clary sage, while sandalwood can lead to higher levels of desire! You can easily incorporate these oils into your massage routine by using some oil-infused soap or shower gel, burning some incense sticks or candles, or adding a few drops of essentials oils to a long, hot bath.

Sexual Awareness

Aside from general relaxation, the main benefits are easing sexual tension, releasing emotions, and helping a person becoming more aware of their sexuality by discovering new areas of pleasure. Reaching orgasm isn’t the objective, but it may happen!

If you give the special someone in your life a massage, the experience can help them discover new ways of experiencing sexual pleasure and help them become more attuned to the ways their body responds to touch and pressure.

Increased Intimacy

During partnered play and foreplay, vaginal massage is a great way to bond with your partner and deepen intimacy. That is because any form of touching releases a hormone called oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘love hormone’ or even the ‘cuddle hormone.’ And massage releases oxytocin by the bucket load!

Our bodies also release oxytocin when we become aroused and it is strongly linked to levels of libido. With oxytocin, it’s a case of use-it-or-lose-it. If you aren’t touching, kissing, or cuddling your partner on a regular basis, your oxytocin levels will drop and your libido will plummet too, leading to a sexual dry spot. This is a fantastic way of helping to rekindle passion and intimacy in a relationship!

More Pleasure

Vaginal massage can be a strictly platonic activity, especially when conducted by a trained professional. Although this type of massage may include finger penetration, the main goal is relaxation, not having an orgasm.

However, when you give your woman a massage during partnered play and foreplay, orgasms are a natural part of the experience – almost like a happy accident! When your partner orgasms, her body will release a number of hormones and endorphins including DHEA and oxytocin that can help her relax, lower her stress levels, and even improve her concentration!

Some studies have shown that the hormones released during an orgasm, such as prolactin, norepinephrine, vasopressin, nitric oxide, serotonin, and oxytocin, can help protect against heart disease and certain types of cancer!

Stronger Relationship

If you give the woman you love an orgasm during a massage, it will make her open her heart to you and take her on an incredible sexual journey that will leave her breathless! Massaging her vaginal in just the right ways can get her dripping wet with excitement; it can make her tremble, writhe and moan with pleasure, and even reach the Big O!

So, if you want to make your woman sexually ADDICTED to you and keep coming back to you again and again for more, keep reading…

Is Vaginal Massage Safe?

Vaginal massage simply means touching or stroking the vagina using your fingers. It’s perfectly safe, healthy, and natural. None of the practices or techniques in this guide are harmful, dangerous, or invasive and are not in any way designed to ‘tighten’, ‘dry’, or otherwise alter a person’s vagina.

To ensure that you and your partner have a safe experience, you need to follow basic hygiene practices just as you would before engaging in any form of sexual activity. Make sure that your hands are clean and that you’re nails aren’t too long. Remove any jewelry such as rings if you plan to use penetrative massage techniques. Your partner will find the massage much more comfortable if your nails aren’t too long!

As the vagina is very sensitive, I recommend using nothing more than a water-based lubricant on your fingers and thumbs and around the entrance to the vagina. I don’t recommend using steam (as in vaginal steaming) or applying herbs or oils. Although massage oils such as vitamin E oil, coconut oil, sunflower oil and grapeseed oil are popular, they aren’t necessary.

If your partner wants to try a yoni massage, it’s safe if done by a certified professional, although you can also do it at home. Check out my complete guide to yoni massage to learn how!

Men: How to Give Your Partner a Vaginal Massage

This can be a stand-alone activity or a loving activity that forms part of foreplay between two people. To get started, it’s important to create the right ambiance and then prepare your woman’s mind and body for the experience. Here’s how.

Create the Right Ambiance

You need to create a comfortable space where your partner can relax and feel completely at ease. Lighting aromatic candles, playing soothing music, and dimming the lights can help set the scene. Aromatherapy candles, such as lavender-infused candles, will help your woman unwind and de-stress.

Some specialist massage candles, such as those from Ignite Me, actually produce a warm massage oil when burnt. This will come in handy later when you start giving her a foot massage, helping to prepare her mind and soothe her body!

Your partner will love having a massage in any comfortable space, such as a bed, a sofa, or even on the floor. Use plenty of pillows and blankets to create a soft, inviting setting.

Get Into the Right Headspace

Before you start, it’s important to help her open her mind about what to expect. You might like to have a discussion about her expectations and any boundaries she wants to set. To put her completely at ease, she may want to set a safe word that she can use to stop the massage at any point if it’s getting a little TOO outside her comfort zone.

Whereas a traditional massage is all about releasing and relaxing the muscles, a vaginal massage is more of a sensual experience that helps to awaken and enliven your woman’s body. Encourage your partner to let go of any preconceived notions and focus on the journey of self-discovery she is about to embark on.

Deep-breathing techniques are a great way to help your woman prepare. To help her clear her mind, ask her to try breathing in deeply through her mouth for a count of two seconds and then releasing slowly through her nose for a count of five seconds. Slowly inhaling and exhaling for a few minutes will help clear her mind of any fear or negative thoughts and get into the right headspace for the massage.

Prepare Her Body

To help your lover prepare her body, she may like to take a long, relaxing bath or a soothing shower with plenty of essential oils. This can help loosen up the muscles throughout her vulva and make them more open to being touched and explored!

Most women find that lying face down is the most relaxing position. To begin the experience you may like to start by offering her a sexy foot rub and rubbing aromatherapy oils between her toes and all around her feet.

Massaging up the backs of her legs will encourage her to enter a blissful sense of relaxation, especially if you slide your palms up and down the backs of the thighs and edge towards the gap between her legs. This sensual touching helps to warm up her body. You can then spread her legs and begin working your way inwards.

These erotic massage techniques are guaranteed to help your woman prepare her body for the techniques to follow. Be sure to take your time and make sure she’s fully relaxed before you start massaging her vagina. If you’re interested in learning my seven erotic massage secrets, check out my complete guide!

The 5 Best Vaginal Massage Techniques

If she wants a purely sensual experience, she may prefer that you use only external massage techniques. This takes the emphasis away from sexual gratification and makes the massage feel more luscious and tingly instead of hot and steamy!

Alternatively, if she wants a more sexual experience, you may want to use internal massage techniques and focus on areas such as her clitoris and G-spot. This will help her discover new areas that can be stimulated for pleasure!

1. Cupping

As the name suggests, cupping is the practice of holding one of your hands in a cup-like shape over the vagina. When you do this to your woman, this will give her vagina and clitoris some mild, indirect stimulation and help send her anticipation levels through the roof!

How to do it
To ‘cup’ your lover’s vagina, form a cup shape with one of your hands and hold it in place over her vulva. Start to gently move your hand in a circular motion and slowly begin flattening your hand against the vaginal opening. As the vaginal muscles start to relax, you can use the palm of your hand to massage the entire vulva.

Softly pressing a cupped palm onto the vulva and making circular motions will help to get the blood flowing. Instead of making her feel aroused, it will make her feel tingly all over! As the massage progresses, you can continue to use your hands, fingers and even your breath to warm, soothe and knead this sensitive area!

2. Stroking

The introitus is the entrance to the vagina and feels amazing when you stroke it during a massage. This sensitive area is packed full of nerve endings that are linked directly to the clitoral gland! By stroking the introitus, you’re guaranteed to make your woman feel relaxed all over!

How to do it
To stroke your partner’s introitus, put plenty of water-based lube on your index finger and insert your fingertip slightly into her vaginal canal. Once inside, gently rotate your hand left and right to create some exquisite feelings!

Before you go further…

Every woman’s body is slightly different and there’s no single ‘best way’ to explore your woman’s vagina. In this guide, I’ve suggested that you use your index or middle finger, but you can use one or more fingers, depending on which is easiest when massaging your partner. You’ll need to experiment to see what works best for her!

For example, when massaging the anterior or front of her vagina, using more than one finger may be the easiest. When accessing the posterior or ‘back’ of her vagina, you may find it easier to use your thumb. Using the thumb will feel quite different from using your fingertips but she may prefer it, so give it a try!

You’ll also find that your woman’s posture can affect how easy it is to stimulate her vagina internally. It may take some time for her to become familiar with which internal massage techniques work and which areas you can comfortably access.

3. Dipping

Once your woman is comfortable having your fingers inside her, you’re ready to help her explore a new universe of sexual pleasure! When most people think about the vulva, they only think about the outer geography, such as the labia, the clitoris’ glans, and the clitoral hood. But if you venture inside, and make short ‘dipping’ movements, you’ll discover that the vaginal canal contains a veritable treasure trove of bliss gems!

How to do it
Before you try ‘dipping’, you need to ensure that your partner’s vaginal canal is moist. While this massage technique doesn’t have to be sexual, it can be all about relaxing, breathing deeply, and focusing on the feeling. If your woman is turned on by the cupping and stroking, her vagina may be quite moist thanks to her natural lubricant. If not, be sure to apply plenty of lubricant to your finger before venturing inside.

To practice ‘dipping’, simply dip your index finger in and out. Not every woman finds this in-and-out motion pleasurable as it mimics sex, but it’s something to explore. As you dip your finger into your partner’s vagina, pay attention to her non-verbal cues; if she is arching her back, curling her toes and moaning, it’s safe to carry on. If it isn’t working, just go back to cupping, or massage another area of her body.

4. Running

If your woman enjoys dipping, you may like to try the fourth massage technique; running. The more you push your finger inside her vagina, the more lubricated it will become, helping you go deeper and deeper inside. Running involves running your fingers along the walls of your partner’s vagina. And it can feel AMAZING!

How to do it
To try ‘running’ your fingers inside your woman’s vagina, simply push them a few inches inside and then touch the vaginal wall with your fingertip. Slowly pull your finger out, letting it run across the vagina. Try this on various sides of the vagina – the front, back and sides – to see which feels best!

5. Curling

The fifth technique to try is called ‘curling’ and it feels divine! Here’s how it’s done.


How to do it
To practice the ‘curling’ technique, simply insert your finger into your lover’s vagina and then curl it back towards her abdomen (the front of the vaginal wall). With practice, you can try and feel for your woman’s G-spot, a small area are two or three inches along the front side of her vagina that can lead to some seriously intense orgasms!

The Best Vaginal Massage Positions to Try

These positions will help make the massage techniques feel amazing and will help increase bonding and stimulation.

1. The Lie Down

The classic face-down massage position is one of the best positions. It’s so relaxing and comfortable that even if your woman is initially apprehensive about letting you touch her ‘down there’, her inhibitions will evaporate as she relaxes into the experience!

Giving a woman a Swedish erotic massage

If you don’t have a massage table, you can buy special pillows that make lying face down extremely comfortable. You can also position three pillows to create a similar level of support.

How to do it
Simply have them lie down on their tummy and support their face on a pillow. Begin by massaging their feet, then work your way up the backs of their legs. As you slide your palms up and down the backs of her thighs, gradually edge towards the gap between her legs.

2. The Plain

For a soft and sensual position that will make a massage feel divine, try the Plain!

How to do it
Have your woman lie on her belly and straighten her arms out in front of herself to slightly lift the upper part of her body. She can keep her legs stretched out or bend her knees. You can lie down on top and straddle her thighs. This puts you in the perfect position to give a sensual back rub. In this position, you can kiss while you fondle her vagina and give her a massage with your hand and fingers.

3. The Spoon

For one of the gentlest, most loving positions for a massage, few moves come close to matching the classic Spoon position!

How to do it
Have your partner lying on her side on a comfortable surface like a sofa or bed. Snuggle up behind her and interlock your legs with hers. Breathe deeply to build a connection and snuggle into the erogenous zone of the nape of her neck. In this position, you can easily reach around with your hand to stimulate her vulva and massage her vagina.

G-spot Massage: How to Give Her One

As you become more confident, there are some advanced techniques that you may like to experiment with.

Although these types of massage, especially yoni massages, don’t have to be sexual, they can be extremely stimulating! You are, after all, focusing on several especially sensitive areas of your lover’s body such as her vulva, her clitoris, and her erogenous zones such as the nape of her neck, her breasts, stomach, and inner thighs.

While having an orgasm shouldn’t be the main goal, it is possible! Your woman may even experience multiple orgasms! If your woman wants her vaginal orgasm to be more sexual than emotional, here’s where G-spot massage comes in…

Although the very existence of the G-spot is hotly debated, it is generally agreed to be a small ridged area about two to three inches inside every woman’s vaginal canal. This is actually the part of the vagina where the vaginal wall meets the back part of the clitoral – the apex – near a woman’s urethral ducts and sponge.

You see, the clitoris is actually a spongy shaft that reaches almost five inches inside a woman’s body, making it roughly the same size as the average penis! When you touch your woman’s G-spot with your fingers, you’re actually stimulating her clit!

How to Find Your Woman’s G-spot

To locate your woman’s G-spot, simply slip your index finger two or three inches inside her vagina and then curl it back so that your fingertip is pushing against the front wall of her vaginal canal. A relaxing position like the Spoon where she is lying on her back is ideal as your hand will be in just the right position to pull this off.

G-spot diagram

The G-spot will feel like a rough ‘spot’ with tiny ridges, much like a blackberry. It’s usually around two to three inches inside the vagina.

If you’re finding it tricky to locate her G-spot, here’s a trick; try pushing down OUTSIDE her body, on her pubic mound, or have her do this. Downwards pressure will help make the G-spot more pronounced and this can make it easier to find with your finger!

3 Ways to Massage Her G-spot

If you want to incorporate some G-spot massage, here are three specific ways to do just that! Using these techniques is sure to make your woman feel incredibly relaxed and may even make her ORGASM!

However, every person is different so you can’t expect ALL of these techniques to be magic! When you try them with your partner for the first time, pay close attention to her verbal and non-verbal clues. Play around with different motions and techniques until you find one that makes her see stars!

1. Press and Stroke Her G-spot

One of the easiest ways to show your woman’s G-spot some love is by pressing and stroking it. This is great if you are still gaining experience as you may not be sure exactly where her G-spot is!

How to do it
Use plenty of lube on your index finger and insert it two or three inches into your woman’s vagina. Curl your fingertip slightly towards her abdomen so that it is pressing against her vaginal wall. Slowly drag your fingertip over the front wall of her vagina. When you reach the vaginal entrance (the introitus), simply push your finger back in and repeat the stroking movement.

Experiment with a range of pressures and speeds while paying attention to your woman’s reactions. While you stroke her G-spot, you can continue using your other hand to fondle her other erogenous zones like her thighs, calves, tummy and breasts. She’ll love it!

Pressing and stroking your woman’s G-spot can be a little tricky to master. The difference between ‘Meh’ and ‘More!’ can be minuscule. Just a slight change in position or pressure can make all the difference, so keep experimenting until her reaction tells you that you’re in the right spot!

2. Rub Her G-spot and Press from the Outside

The second way to massage your woman’s G-spot is by rubbing it in small circular motions and using external pressure to compress the area.

Let me explain.

Most women love to have their G-spot rubbed in small circular motions as it feels absolutely amazing! The trick is getting just enough pressure so that the tip of your index or middle finger presses directly into the bumps of this sensitive area.

The muscles of your woman’s pelvic floor can hold a remarkable amount of tension and can benefit from using plenty of pressure. Although her urethra (above her vaginal entrance) and rectum (below) can be especially sensitive to pressure and should be approached gently, when it comes to your woman’s vaginal muscles, they can take a lot!

For this reason, I always recommend setting a safe word. This experience should always feel comfortable so if your girl experience pain, she should let you know to be more tender!

How to do it:
To rub your lover’s G-spot during a massage, insert your index or middle finger into her vagina and curl it towards the front wall of her vagina. To get a good amount of pressure, use your other hand to squeeze her G-spot from the outside.

With one finger on her G-spot, use the palm of your other hand to push down her pubic mound (the mons pubis above her pubic bone). This will make the G-spot protrude slightly and will make the pressure from your fingertip feel much more intense!

Overall, rubbing your woman’s G-spot with external pressure is one of the best ways to make G-spot massage feel amazing! Try it and see!

3. Stimulate Her G-spot From Behind

The third technique for massaging your woman’s G-spot is stimulating her from behind. This is perfect if you are giving her a massage while she is lying face down; it’s incredibly relaxing and you don’t need to move her into any other positions.

Reaching around from behind isn’t as crazy as it might sound – LOTS of girls LOVE to finger themselves while lying on their tummies! It feels amazing and the weight of their body creates lots of luscious pressure that makes it feel absolutely divine!

How to do it
Have your woman lie on her front and start massaging her feet, calves and thighs. Gently part her legs and work your way in towards her groin. As you slide your palms up and down the backs of her thighs, lie on your side and slip one of your hands between her buttocks. Tell her to breathe deeply and focus on the feeling and slide your index or middle finger into her vagina.


In this position, your fingertip will be touching the posterior wall of her vaginal canal, but you can use the upper part of your finger to stimulate her G-spot. While you stimulate her G-spot, you can use your free hand to caress her buttocks and other erogenous zones with ease. This is a great time to experiment with using your thumb.

I’m confident that these three G-spot massage techniques will help you turn any massage from ‘okay’ to ‘orgasmic’! It’s all about helping your woman explore how she experiences pleasure and satisfying her needs.

Orgasm Control (Edging)

For some women, vaginal massage is all about feeling lightheaded giddiness! For others, it’s all about the sexual experience. When you can confidently incorporate G-spot massage techniques into your routine, one advanced technique you may want to explore is called ‘edging’.

Edging is the practice of bringing your woman to the point of orgasm and then reducing or stopping the stimulation to prevent her from climaxing. Once she’s had time for the feeling to subside, you can bring her back to the point of orgasm and let her experience a much more powerful climax. It is believed that edging leads to heightened sensation and results in a stronger climax!

How to do it
To edge your partner during a massage, you’ll need to be pretty experienced in terms of knowing their ‘signs’ that show you when they are about to climax. Much of sexual pleasure is translated or communicated non-verbally, through the arching of her back, the depth and intensity of her breathing and how much she curls her toes.

With experience, you may even be able to detect changes in her vagina and notice it contracting slightly when she’s ready to orgasm. Over time, you’ll pick up on these ‘clues’ and know when she’s nearly there.

When it comes to massage, the most powerful techniques will be those that stimulate her G-spot. These are the most likely movements that will result in her climaxing.

As you massage your partner’s G-spot and sense that she’s reaching climax, slow down whichever movement you’re doing and gently pull your hand away.

Let your woman cool down and continue other things like massage, fondling, or kissing as she continues to breathe deeply and slowly.

When she’s ready for more, continue massaging her vagina and work her back up to the point of orgasm again. You can either edge her away from her next orgasm or let her climax.

It’s possible to increase the pleasure she experiences by edging her multiple times, but it’s also possible to take things TOO far. Repeatedly denying her pleasure too often can be a turn-off.

Play it by ear and when you sense she’s truly desperate to cum, let her go!

Ladies: How to Give Yourself a Vaginal Massage

One of the best ways to learn what you like is by taking some time to explore yourself. One way to do so is with a self-massage.

The majority of tips above can be used for self-massage, too. The ultimate goal isn’t necessarily to climax, though. You should use this time to explore your body in a calm, quiet environment. The more you know about your body, the better you can communicate your wants and needs to your partner.

For first-timers, it’s important to take it slow. Start by feeling the vulva which includes the outer and inner lips and the clitoris. Play around with different sensations — rubbing, tapping, grinding, pulsing — at different speeds and pressure levels. You can then work your way into the vaginal canal. Use your fingertips to initially explore and note how you react to different areas.

It never hurts to finish your session by climaxing, whether with your hands or with the help of a sex toy like a vibrator or a dildo.

Post-Vaginal Massage Tips

A good massage session should leave your woman feeling tingly, light-headed and giddy with pleasure! If she orgasms, she may also feel disappointed that it’s over! But what you do when the massage is finished is almost as important as what you do during the experience. Here are my top tips for bliss after the session comes to an end!

Cup Her Vulva

When you are done, take a moment to cup your lover’s vulva in the palm of your hands and encourage her to breathe deeply. This lets her appreciate the pleasure and power that her vulva holds and consider how deeply the subtle changes in her pelvic floor have affected her entire body.


It’s always worth talking about the experience and discussing what happened. You can ask her whether there was anything that made her uncomfortable or anything she’s like to explore further next time.


Once the massage comes to an end, encourage your woman to let her fingers and thumbs gravitate towards any area of her vulva or vagina that she wants. This may show you which areas benefited from the massage and which areas may need more attention next time!

Encourage her to trust her instincts and press into the muscles as gently or firmly as she feels like. This post-massage period of exploration underscores the fact that there’s no ‘right’ way to give a massage – only the way that feels best for your lover’s body. It can draw your attention to a spot that you overlooked or make you more mindful about being careful next time.


If you started reading this article to discover how to give your woman a vaginal massage, hopefully, this guide has answered all your questions!

When it comes to building trust, creating intimacy, and fostering a bond between you and your woman, massage is one of the best things you can do. It not only helps you get to know her sexual preferences and her body better, but it gives her a valuable opportunity to experience new ways the feel sexual pleasure!

Laura Rose Halliday

Laura Rose Halliday started The School Of Squirt back in 2012 and has been running the website and digital courses along with Jakob Wulfe since then. She is a full time sex writer, researcher and practicer.

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  1. Thanks for the tips, I tried some on my girlfriend and she loved the ‘cupping’ one, she said it made her orgasm. Appreciate it!

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