Is your curious mind thinking about adding a little variety to your sex life with anal?
Doing it for the first time can be a mix of excitement and nerves, but—36% of couples have ventured there, too!
To make sure it’s all fun and no fuss, we’ve got five essential tips for first-time anal sex for a smoother and more enjoyable experience.
And if you’re wondering how to get your partner on board, check out our article, “How do I get my wife to do anal?” for some clever strategies!
In this article, we'll cover:
Tip #1 - Create the Perfect Mood
First things first, set the right atmosphere. You want to make sure both of you feel relaxed and connected.
Dim the lights, play soft music, and ensure the room feels private and welcoming to create a cozy environment.
This will not only help her feel physically comfortable but also make her feel more emotionally secure and close to you.
Tip #2 - Prep for Success
Okay, let’s talk about how to prepare for anal sex.
Preparation differs slightly from vaginal penetration because the anus is not, for lack of a better term, an "entrance," so there are special steps you must take to give your partner good anal sex.
Precaution To Avoid Injury
Applying generous amounts of lubricant and choosing the correct sex positions can give you more control and ensure a safer, more enjoyable sex act for both you and your sexual partner.
Safety Aspects
Make sure to use plenty of lube to enhance how anal sex feels, but avoid oil-based lubes, as they can degrade the condom, compromising safety.
Tip #3 - Master Foreplay & Build-Up
Rushing into things is a big no-no. Start slow, and make sure she’s really into it before you move on.
I. Focus on Arousal First
II. Give a Booty Massage
III. Stimulate Her Anal Opening
IV. Introduce Rimming
Tip #4 - Pick a Beginner-Friendly Anal Sex Position
The right position can make a huge difference. Here are a few that work well for beginners.
Position #1 - Try Elevated Missionary: This is intimate and allows for lots of eye contact, which can help her relax. She lies on her back with a pillow to elevate her hips, and you enter gently, using your hands for support and control.
Position #2 - Go for Doggy Style: This position allows for deeper access but requires slow, steady movements. She gets on all fours, and you enter from behind, using gentle thrusts to keep her comfortable and relaxed.
Position #3 - Why Not a Stomach-Down Start?: This position is less intense and can feel snug. She lies flat on her stomach, and you enter from on top, going slow and keeping her comfort in mind.
Tip #5 - Keep the Communication Flowing
Talk, talk, and then talk some more—couples who communicate openly during sex report 33% higher satisfaction. However, make sure not to overdo the talking.
Instead, regularly check in on how she feels, and don’t forget that good communication isn’t just for comfort; it doubles as some seriously effective dirty talk to amp up the tension!
5 Key Takeaways for First-Time Anal Sex
Now with the anal sex tips already covered, let’s take things up a notch. Next up: expert advice to crank up the comfort and pleasure!
Proven Expert Advice To Make First-Time Anal Sex More Pleasurable
Statistically, 60% of couples say the right advice made all the difference. So sit back and relax as I walk you through some secret advice, which I usually only give to my clients in our paid courses or one-on-one sessions.
Advice #1 - Master Relaxation Techniques
The first order of business is to relax. Enjoying anal sex is only possible when she does.
Spend some quality time with lots of touching, maybe a soothing massage, and try some deep breathing together.
This helps a ton by relaxing the anal muscles down there, which makes everything else easier.
Advice #2 - Prep by Shaving Her Butt
Shaving each other's butts might sound a bit out there, but it can make things feel more comfortable and sensitive, enhancing the experience.
It’s also a super intimate act that can be really sexy.
Beyond the physical sensation, there’s a subtle power dynamic at play—when you shave her, she surrenders and trusts you fully, creating a deeper connection. This moment of submission can add an element of power play, heightening both intimacy and excitement.
Advice #3 - Smoothly Transition Into Anal Sex
If you’re moving from vaginal to penetrative anal sex there are a few things to consider for a smooth experience:
Advice #4 - Start with an Anal Training Kit
An anal training kit can be your go-to tool for preparing for anal sex. These kits come with butt plugs of different sizes, so you can start small and work your way up gradually.
Begin with the smallest size and insert it gently, using plenty of lube. Leave it in for a few minutes to help relax the muscles, then remove it. Over time, you can increase the size as her body becomes more comfortable.
This approach helps your muscles adapt to penetration without discomfort, making the experience more enjoyable.
Advice #5 - Add Extra Stimulation for Maximum Pleasure
For an extra boost of pleasure, try incorporating a clitoral stimulator or a Hitachi wand along with the anal plug. Adding these toys can elevate the experience by delivering dual stimulation.
Other sex toys to consider are a clit sucker, which provides intense, targeted sensations that can enhance the overall experience. Or you could explore with a G-spot vibrator, creating a combination that intensifies both internal and external pleasure during anal play.
Advice #6 - Discover the Secret Method to Make Her Love Anal
Want to make her absolutely love it?
It’s all about the build-up, comfort, and making her feel in control.
The secret is in the details—using plenty of lube, introducing foreplay, and ensuring her comfort.
One tool that can help streamline the process is a lube shooter, which makes applying lubricant easy and precise. It helps avoid mess and ensures you’re both ready for smooth anal penetration.
For more anal sex tips, where we explain how the lube shooter works and how it can be a game-changer for first-timers watch the video below.
Advice #7 - Optimize Your Diet for a Better Experience
What she eats before can significantly impact how comfortable she feels during anal intercourse. Here’s how to tailor her diet for a smoother experience:
Do's
Don’ts
By following these dietary tips, you'll help ensure that your anal sex experience is both comfortable and enjoyable.
Advice #8 - Focus on Aftercare for a Positive Experience
Don’t skip aftercare! It’s key to making sure she feels great after anal sex.
To make anal sex a more pleasant and pleasurable experience start slow and gentle.
Depending on how your private parts fit and the level of relaxation the receiving partner can reach, anal experiences can vary from extremely orgasmic and hot to uncomfortable or even painful.
Some women find that it gets better over time as they relax more and get better at controlling their body's impulse to clench. That’s also why it sometimes takes a few attempts before you can decide whether or not it is for you.
And if you do decide it isn’t for you, that’s absolutely fine. It doesn’t make you less attractive, sexually liberated, or explorative —it just means you don’t like anal. Period.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Now that you’re geared up with expert advice for a great first-time anal sex experience, let’s make sure you sidestep any rookie mistakes. Dive in and learn how to avoid those awkward “oops” moments.
9 Mistakes To Avoid When Having Anal Sex For The First Time
It’s your first time, so a few hiccups are normal! Avoiding these common mistakes will make your anal sex experience smoother and way more enjoyable.
Here’s what to look out for and how to keep things fun.
Mistake #1 - Freaking Out If It Gets Messy
It’s natural for things to get a bit messy during anal sex. Getting freaked out can make the situation uncomfortable and ruin the moment.
What to Do Instead
Mistake #2 - Continuing When She’s Uncomfortable
Ignoring signs of discomfort can lead to pain and can cause long-term harm or a negative association with anal sex.
What to Do Instead
Mistake #3 - Expecting It to Be Like Porn
Porn often depicts an unrealistic picture of anal sex, where everything seems effortless and overly perfect.
What to Do Instead
Mistake #4 - Going from Ass to Vagina Without Cleaning
This is a big no! Moving from anal to vaginal sex without cleaning can introduce harmful bacteria and cause infections.
What to Do Instead
Mistake #5 - Ignoring Her When She Asks to Slow Down
Ignoring her cues, like when she asks to slow down or stop, can cause physical pain and emotional distress.
What to Do Instead
Mistake #6 - Using Numbing Creams
Numbing creams might seem like a good idea for reducing pain during anal sex, but they can also prevent the feeling of necessary signals of harm.
What to Do Instead
Mistake #7 - Holding Your Breath and Tensing Up
Holding her breath can increase tension and discomfort during anal sex.
What to Do Instead
Mistake #8 - Expecting It to Slide In Easily
The anus is not naturally lubricated and can be very tight, so expecting easy penetration is unrealistic and can lead to pain.
What to Do Instead
Mistake #9 - Thrusting Too Fast Too Soon
Unlike vaginal sex, the intensity and pace of thrusting in anal sex need to be more measured to start with.
What to Do Instead
Avoiding these common mistakes can help make your first time having anal sex a much more enjoyable and safe experience.
With the right approach, anal sex can be a deeply satisfying part of your sex life.
Now that you're set to explore, it's time for a crash course. Welcome to Anal Anatomy 101—where getting to know the basics is half the fun!
Anal Anatomy 101 - Know This for Maximum Pleasure
Mastering the ins and outs (yes, literally) of anal anatomy can make all the difference. Get the scoop on how things work down there, and you’ll be ready to turn this new experience into pure pleasure for both of you.
Think of the anus as having two “locks” (sphincter muscles) that control entry. Relaxing these is key to turning any mild discomfort into serious anal pleasure. Start slowly, use a generous amount of lube—trust me, you can’t have too much, especially if you’re going for doggy style.
You’ve got control over the external sphincter—with a little practice (and maybe a butt plug or some anal massage); you’ll ease right in, avoiding those pesky anal tears or fissures.
This is where you’ll feel that satisfying fullness during anal. It can be seriously pleasurable, especially when paired with some vaginal stimulation or fun toys like anal beads.
Don’t forget the perineum, the super sensitive spot between the anus and genitals. A little anal massage here can send waves of sexual arousal through your entire body.
Key Learnings
When she understands what’s happening with her body, she can communicate better with you, relax more, and enjoy the experience to the fullest.
With all these tips and your new crash course knowledge, you're fully prepared for a worry-free first-time anal sex experience. Now, relax, enjoy, and let the fun begin!
Frequently Asked Questions
Below are the most common questions about anal sex, with answers to help guide you towards a better and happier sex life.
The first time can be challenging, but with plenty of lube and a focus on relaxing her sphincter muscle, it can be enjoyable. Take it slow, try different positions like the doggy style position, and keep the mood light.
The lining of the anus is very delicate, so there’s a slightly higher risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). But don’t worry—with safe sex practices like using condoms, you can protect both yourself and your partner, ensuring a safe and enjoyable experience.
There’s no magic timeline—just when you both feel ready. Open communication is key for mutual pleasure and ensuring you’re on the same page about trying new sex play.
Yes, a lot of women find anal sex extremely pleasurable. Some women can have an anal orgasm from anal sex because the anus is lined with tons of nerve endings, which means it can be just as pleasurable as oral sex (sometimes even better) or vaginal or clitoral stimulation, as long as it's safe and she's ready for it.
Is anal sex safe during pregnancy? Yes, but...
If she feels discomfort or there are medical concerns like hemorrhoids or the risk of preterm labor, avoid it. Always prioritize her comfort and consult a certified sex therapist or doctor if you’re unsure.
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