After over a decade of coaching men worldwide to have more fulfilling sex lives, I’ve seen firsthand just how challenging it can be to bring up a 'taboo' sex act like anal.

Even though we’re in a more open-minded era, certain things still feel off-limits, especially when it comes to the bedroom.

The real difficulty lies in the fear of how your partner might react. You might wonder, "Will she judge me for bringing this up?" or "What if she completely freaks out?"

These fears are understandable—no one wants to create discomfort or conflict in their relationship.

But knowing why it’s tricky is just the beginning.

Now, let’s dive into how you can not only bring up anal sex with your wife but do it in a way that has her saying, "Why not?" instead of "No way!"

Andrew's Proven Step-by-Step Method to Get Your Wife To Do Anal

Fun fact: 40% of women are open to anal when it’s brought up the right way.

With these steps, you’ll learn how to navigate this delicate conversation like a pro—no awkwardness, just anticipation.

Let’s turn that curiosity into excitement!

Step 1: Get Clear On What You Want

Write down your thoughts to organize them, and mentally prepare for the conversation. When you’re ready, take a deep breath—you’ve got this.

Once you're clear on your why, it's time to think about the when.

Step 2: Find A Good Moment To Talk With Your Wife

The next step involves your partner, so choose a good time for the conversation.

With the timing set, the way you present yourself is equally crucial.

Step 3: Watch Your Body Language & Tonality

When the moment is right, gently open the discussion.

Remember, It's not what you say, but how you say it.

Speak calmly, confidently, and with respect.

Use "I" statements to express your feelings, and focus on non-verbal cues to reinforce your message:

Now that you know how to present yourself, let's talk about how to start the conversation.

Step 4: Getting the Conversation Started

Starting the conversation about anal sex can be daunting—especially when 40% of people admit they’ve never openly discussed their sexual desires.

However, communication is key in any relationship, especially when trying something new or potentially challenging, like anal sex.

I've put a list of do's and don'ts together to guide you. 

Once you've shared your thoughts, remember the old saying: Communication is a two-way street—listen to her response with an open mind.

Now that you've opened the conversation, it's important to address any fears and hesitations she might have.

Step 5: Soothing Her Fears & Hesitations About Anal Play

Your wife's fears and hesitations are valid and need to be acknowledged.

Understanding her perspective and being sensitive to her worries can create a safe space for her to be open to hearing your perspective and later exploring it.

Instead of dismissing her concerns or pressuring her into something she's uncomfortable with, reassure her, and take the time to listen and validate her feelings.

This will help build trust and intimacy.

This sets a positive tone. Creating a deep bond as the foundation allows these tough conversations and exploring new things together to feel more natural and comfortable.

Isabel, our female sexuality coach, will provide additional insights, helping you understand what your wife might be thinking and feeling during this conversation.

First and foremost, as her husband, you should try to find out where her concerns come from. It could be past experiences or societal conditioning. Exploring these together can shift her fears to curiosity.

Oftentimes concerns are connected to her being afraid to be fully seen and heard by you. But here is the catch-22 guys, cause having these conversations can also create the depth and intimacy that allows you to have fun and explore new sexual terrains together.

To make it a bit easier for you, I will share the most common concerns women have about anal play with you.

While talking with your partner, be aware that she might have one or all of these concerns on her mind.

Concern #1 - Will He Still Love Me

Sadly, many women are afraid to share their wants and needs out of fear of being perceived differently. 

In particular, she might be afraid you will lose respect for her, think she's dirty, or see her as less than.

Concern #2 - What If It Is Messy

For men and women, there is a fear that during anal sex, the receiver might have an accident.

For most, seeing the shock and horror on your partner's face when a slip-up happens is a fate worse than death.

Concern #3 - Will It Be Painful

Pain is another common concern women have when considering anal sex.

Anal sex can be uncomfortable or even painful if done wrong, so address this concern with care and understanding.

Getting your wife to enjoy anal sex starts with understanding her feelings and respecting her boundaries. The key is clear communication—talk about what feels good for both of you, whether it’s using fingers, a dildo, or just exploring new ideas together.

Remember, the most important thing is to ensure she feels sexy, comfortable, and interested in trying new stuff. With patience and the right approach, you can create an awesome experience that works for both of you.

In case you like to have a more in-depth guide on how to do anal for the first time, read our new article, "Tips for First Time Anal,". It covers everything you need to know to have great anal sex for first-timers.

Before we wrap it up let me share 5 common myths about anal sex with you, that you should definitely be aware of. 

5 Common Anal Myths You Should Know

Myths have a sneaky way of creating confusion, especially about anal sex.

Think of it like clearing out the cobwebs—once those misconceptions are gone, she might just be more open to exploring something new together.

Therefore, by addressing these myths during your conversations, she might be more likely to want to try anal sex. 

Myth #1 - All Women Enjoy Anal Sex

Not all women like anal sex. Preferences vary widely.

One 2016 found that nearly 40% of women aged 25-44 tried anal sex at least once. That's a good number of women attempting anal sex [1].

While women are at least open to trying it, another study from 2014 found that just 31% of women enjoyed it [2].

Another from more recently, 2021, found that just 40% of the people they interviewed enjoyed some sort of anal play (not limited to penetration) [3]. 

Myth #2 - Anal Sex Is Gay

There aren't many studies that I could find on the topic, but there have been inquiries into the connection between masculinity and anal sex, with anal play often being linked to heterosexuality [4].

Still, it's a misconception that only gay men can enjoy anal. 

Anal sex isn’t about orientation; it’s about pleasure.

The study above confirms that women are open to trying anal sex; therefore, anal is not limited to just men. 

Myth #3 - It Is Unhygienic And Messy To Have Anal Sex

The anal canal has a biological function, and that can't be denied. Still, it is a myth that anal sex is dirty or messy. 

Feces do not just linger in the anal canal. If the receiver has a healthy diet that's rich in fiber and is not constipated, the anal canal is usually emptied daily.

As long as anal sex is timed properly, hygiene is prioritized, and preparation is done, anal sex is usually not messy at all. 

Myth #4 - Anal Sex Can Lead To Health Issues

Anal sex, when done safely, doesn’t cause health problems.

Although the anal canal is an exit, not an entrance, with proper preparation, relaxation, and lube, anal sex is safe and pleasurable.

Health issues result from anal sex when it's rushed, not enough lube is used, or the receiver is not mentally and physically prepared for it.

It's also worth mentioning that anal sex, like other sex acts, has been linked to HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea transmission. However, it does not have to result in an STD when standard precautions are taken. 

Myth #5 - Women Can’t Orgasm Through Anal Stimulation

Many believe women can’t orgasm from anal stimulation. But some do find it pleasurable and orgasmic.

In one interesting study, women reported not only having orgasms from anal sex but also feeling like other sensations and touches (another different erogenous zone) were intensified when used in combination [5]. 

Frequently Asked Questions

Many people have questions about anal sex. Here are some common ones and simple answers.

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