How to Cum: Best Orgasm Tips for Women & Men

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Want to learn how to orgasm? You’ve come to the perfect place.

In this guide, I’m going to teach you everything you need to know to make yourself cum – either solo or with a partner – and experience the most amazing orgasms ever!

Orgasms feel really, really good! But there is more than one type of orgasm. And there are many different ways to cum!

This guide is aimed at anyone who wants to learn how to cum! Whether you’re a complete newbie yet to experience your first Big O, or you’re a seasoned pro in search of more pleasure, you’re going to love what I’ve got in store for you!

By the end of this guide, you’ll know:

  • How to make yourself cum
  • How to orgasm faster and harder!
  • How to make your orgasms mind-blowing!

The techniques you’re about to learn are ones that I’ve distilled from over ten years of coaching men and women on sexual issues. I’ve worked with and spoken to thousands of men and women, and interviewed dozens of porn stars and sexologists in search of the most orgasmic tips and tricks. The techniques you’re about to learn will help you experience orgasmic bliss…tonight!

At the end of this guide, I’ll be sharing two of my most powerful (and lesser-known) orgasm techniques for men and women… so stick around!

How to prime your mind to cum

Your most important sexual organ is your brain. It processes everything you experience, and it controls all four stages of your sexual response cycle; desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution.

Your mind determines what sparks your desire, what makes you aroused, when you orgasm, and how you feel after you cum. That’s why the first step learning how to orgasm is priming your mind to cum. Here are three simple ways that will help you do just that!

Get enough sleep

You’ll find it hard to cum if you are tired, stressed, or fatigued. Getting enough good-quality sleep is one of the best things you can do. Sleep helps get rid of the orgasm-blocking stress hormone cortisol, and this makes your mind more responsive to the types of thoughts and physical stimulation that can build your arousal and lead to an orgasm!


If you refrain from sex or masturbation for long enough, you may even experience a wet dream (nocturnal emission) and cum while you’re sleeping! This natural phenomenon demonstrates the power of your mind and shows that you can orgasm without any physical stimulation whatsoever!

Try dirty talk

The second way to prime your brain to cum is to use dirty talk. Talking dirty lets you engage the power of your imagination and helps ramps up your desire and arousal!

Try things like:

  • Sending your partner dirty texts while they’re at work!
  • Sharing naughty photos with sexy captions!
  • Leave flirty voice messages!
  • Having phone sex.

These ideas are guaranteed to send your arousal levels through the roof and make it much easier to cum. Dirty talk is one of the best ways to prime your mind for orgasm.

For more tips on how to talk dirty, check out my Ultimate Dirty Talk guide here!

Guided meditation

The third way to unlock your mind’s orgasmic potential is to use a guided meditation. One of the best ways to do this is by listening to erotic hypnosis. Despite what you may have heard, hypnosis doesn’t make you lose control. It simply makes your mind more open to suggestions!

I love listening to erotic hypnosis – it gets me super turned on and crazy wet, and leads to some back-arching orgasms! Sometimes I even experience a hands-free hypno orgasm! To discover how I do this, check out my Complete Guide to Erotic Hypnosis!

How to prime your body to cum

Once you’re in the right headspace, there are four specific things you can do beforehand to prime your body to cum!

Do Kegels

Kegel exercises are great for men and women as they help strengthen the pelvic floor muscles (the pubococcygeal muscles or PC muscles) that surround the genital area. Having strong PC muscles gives you more control over when and how often you cum, leading to stronger orgasms!

Did you know: Some women can cross their legs and squeeze to make themselves cum on demand! Read my Hands-free Orgasm Guide to find out how!

How to do a kegel

Kegels are pretty simple to master. Sit comfortably and squeeze as if you’re trying to stop yourself from urinating. These are your PC muscles. Hold the contraction for two seconds, then release for 3 seconds. That’s one kegel.

Try to do one set of 10 Kegels exercises three times per day (morning, mid-day, and evening). Slowly work up until you can hold each contraction for ten seconds and voila – you’ll have strong PC muscles that will help you cum!

Women or vulva-havers can also use a set of silicone kegel balls to strengthen their PC muscles. I swear by this 3-step kegel set from Je Joue called Ami! They’ve helped me boost my vagina’s potential and experience some of the strongest orgasms ever!

Tweak your diet

Eating oysters may be old news, but you can eat your way to orgasm with a few dietary tweaks! Zinc-rich foods such as oysters and almonds are well-known aphrodisiacs that can help boost your libido and increase your sexual desire.

Enjoying more fish like tuna and salmon gives you more omega-3 fatty acids that increase dopamine—the same hormone that is released when you cum. Lesser-know orgasmic foods include dark leafy greens that help improve circulation and figs that help increase sexual stamina!

Sometimes, what you don’t consume is just as important. Try to cut back or eliminate smoking and drinking. This will give your body a much-needed boost and improve your chances of making yourself cum!


The third way to prime your body to cum is with a massage. Massage feels amazing and is a research-backed way of lowering stress hormones like cortisol while boosting ‘feel good’ neurotransmitters like endorphins, dopamine, and the so-called ‘cuddle hormone’ oxytocin.

Oxytocin is especially important; it makes you feel relaxed and sociable, helps you bond with your partner, and primes your body to cum. But one of the best-kept secrets is that massage can actually make you orgasm!

How to have a ‘massage-gasm’

People of all genders can cum during massage! The skin is the body’s largest organ, and massage creates all the right conditions for arousal and orgasm! Some women experience ‘back-gasms’ – orgasms through having their lower backs and hips rubbed. This is because women tend to have a lot of tension in their hips and pelvis – massage helps release this, boosting pleasure and resulting in orgasm.

To try this for yourself, you can give yourself a massage, or ask your partner to give you an orgasmic massage – read my Ultimate Guide to Orgasmic Massage to learn how!

Belly breathing

The fourth way to prime your body to cum is through belly breathing. This isn’t some weird technique; it’s actually the correct way to breathe! The problem is that most of us spend way too long sitting down, so we breathe vertically. This means that instead of breathing outwards, we use our neck and shoulder muscles to lift our chest up. This agitates the vagus nerve and puts us in a constant state of ‘fight or flight’ – definitely not good if you want to learn how to cum!

The good news is that you can train yourself to breathe correctly by practicing taking deep breaths from your belly for five minutes each morning. Over time, this will become your new normal, and this will help soothe your vagus nerve. This lowers your stress levels and makes your body much more responsive to touch and penetration!

Orgasmic warm-up techniques

Once you’ve primed your mind and body to cum, the real fun begins! This means making your vagina wet if you’re a girl, or getting yourself hard if you’re a guy. Here are three of the best techniques that are sure to help!

Be an explorer

Whether you’re flying solo or with a partner, touching and teasing your body’s erogenous zones is one of the best ways of warming yourself up. Don’t just reach straight between your legs. Explore the nape of your neck, your inner thighs, and your chest. Both guys and girls are incredibly receptive to nipple play and can experience a nipple orgasm.

Read my Complete How-To Nipple Orgasm Guide to find out more!

Tease yourself

During your arousal stage, your body will respond best to light, teasing touches. Teasing yourself is one of the best ways to warm yourself up and get ready for having an orgasm.

Teasing for her

If you have a vulva, don’t just go straight for the visible part of your clitoris – the little nub at the top of your vulva where your labia meet. Instead, try touching around your vulva, on each side of your labia.

The visible part of your clitoris is just the head; it’s connected to two spidery ‘legs’ of highly erogenous tissue known as the ‘crus clitoris’ (dorsal nerves) that run down each side of your vulva under the skin.

To stimulate these nerves, simply cup your hand around your vulva and hold it there. This gives your clitoris plenty of diffuse stimulation and helps build your arousal!

Teasing for him

If you have a dick, you can tease yourself by lightly cupping your dick and balls while gently fondling and squeezing to build arousal. Rubbing and massaging your testicles and scrotum will soon lead to a strong erection!

Try grinding!

Grinding feels amazing during the warm-up phase because it gently builds arousal and activates the nerves throughout your genital region! Most men and women discover grinding before they are ever sexual with a partner, usually by grinding face down into a mattress or pillow while lying in bed.

You can also try grinding into softly ridged things with firm centers like rolled-up towels and blankets, couch arms, mattress edges, and pillows. I’ve heard from plenty of girls who can cum hands-free by humping pillows! Check out my Complete Guide to Pillow Humping to find out how!

Guys can grind too! However, they usually need more stimulation to cum. Try putting your dick into some rolled-up towels or blankets – it’s sure to help you climax!

How to cum solo

If you want to learn how to orgasm solo, this is the section for you! You can use all of these tips to cum when you’re alone or introduce them with a partner for some mutual fun. If you’re in a relationship, you may even pick up a few tips about what makes your other half tick, so keep reading!

Use lots of lube

A good quality lube will make learning how to orgasm much easier. It keeps things nice and slippery and prevents microabrasions and chafing by eliminating unwanted friction.

For the past couple of years, I’ve been getting amazing results from an all-natural water-based lube called Sliquids Naturals. It only has five ingredients, so it’s perfect for my sensitive skin and makes my ‘me-time’ sessions last longer than ever!

Circling the clit

If you’re female or have a vulva, the best way to make yourself cum is to use some sort of continuous, circular motion around your clitoris and give yourself a clitoral orgasm. This is known as clit circling. There are millions of ways of circling the clit, and what I’ve discovered is that one woman’s favorite ‘circling’ technique can actually hurt someone else or feel like nothing at all!

From research and my own experience, I’ve found that:

  • 50 percent of women love circling on the clitoral hood with a very light gliding pressure.
  • A quarter of women prefer circles that alternate between on the hood and to the side.
  • Around one-fifth of women love tight circles right on their clit!
  • The remaining five percent prefer wide circles that stay away from the clit and hood.

The secret to learning how to orgasm on your own is experimenting with these four locations and using a range of pressures. You can try:

  • Gliding, barely-there touches
  • Touching that moves the skin
  • A firm massaging pressure

To discover more ways to give yourself a clitoral orgasm, check out my Ultimate Guide to Fingering Yourself now!

Which type of motion and pressure get you off? Let me know by leaving a comment below!

Stroking the shaft

If you’re male or have a penis, some variation of the classic up-and-down ‘handshake’ movement is the best way to make yourself cum. Run your hand in a continuous up-and-down motion along the shaft of your dick with varying degrees of pressure and speed until you cum!

There are a million variations of this move but based on research and guys I’ve coached and been with, I’ve found that:

  • 50 percent of guys love stroking their shaft using their entire hand.
  • A quarter of guys love stroking their shaft using their thumb and index finger.
  • The remaining guys like squeezing the base of their cock with their non-dominant hand and then rubbing the head with the other.

The secret to learning how to orgasm is experimenting with a range of different pressures, speeds, angles, and positions until you find what floats your boat!

How do you like to fap? Let me know by leaving a comment below!

Try different positions

When you’re learning how to make yourself cum, the trick is trying different positions until you find your jam.

If you have a vulva, you can try:

  • Lying on your back and circling your clits
  • Lying face-down and doing the same thing
  • Kneeling while touching yourself or humping a pillow
  • Lying in a bathtub and stimulating yourself  – you can also use a shower head to make yourself cum – read my Complete Guide to Bathtub sex to find out how!

If you have a penis, you can try:

  • Lying on your back and stroking your dick.
  • Sitting on a recliner or car seat and rubbing one out.
  • Standing up in the bedroom or shower.

Use toys

Most people learn how to cum just by using their hand, but adding toys to the mix adds a whole other dimension to solo and partner play! I’ve split this section into two parts; toys for her, and toys for him. So let’s go!

Sex toys for her

If you are female or have a vulva, you can use toys to give yourself a clitoral or a vaginal orgasm!

Try a clit vibrator

Besides using your fingers, one of the best ways to experience a clitoral orgasm is to use a clit vibrator! Vibrators are awesome because, unlike your fingers, they never get tired and can last as long as you need. The vibrations aid relaxation by increasing blood flow to your clit and stimulating deep into your clitoral complex.

My go-to clit vibe for the past year has been the Mimi clit vibe. Its velvety-soft silicone body feels incredible and nuzzles into all the right places, driving my clit wild! A dab of lube helps it glide effortlessly over my clit and clit hood while I cycle through the five exciting vibration and pulsation patterns. Some days it gets me off in mere minutes!

Check out my Ultimate Guide to Clit Vibrators to learn ALL my clit orgasm secrets!

Use a G-spot vibrator

If you have a vulva, the other main type of orgasm you can experience is known as a G-spot or vaginal orgasm. Your G-spot is the point where your clitoris’ internal structure meets the top wall of your vagina.

It’s usually a couple of inches inside. After clitoral stimulation has been going on for a while, your G-spot (which is surrounded by erectile tissues) should become swollen and more pronounced – making it easier to find and giving you a sign that it needs some love!

If you haven’t heard of the G-spot before, or need tips on finding yours, check out my Complete Guide to Masturbation!

What you need to know is that while your clitoris prefers friction, your G-spot responds best to pressure. Lots of pressure! The most direct way to give yourself a G-spot orgasm is to slip a finger inside (don’t forget to use lube!) and start stroking, pressing, and tapping your G-spot until you cum, like this:

There are three ways to make this even better!

1. Doubling

While tapping your G-spot, use your other hand to circle your clit, or use a clit vibe! This excites your clitoris in two ways, doubling your pleasure and doubling your chances of having an orgasm!

2. Extra Pressure

Don’t underestimate how much pressure you need to make yourself cum with G-spot stimulation. Most women struggle to go hard enough. Try this. While tapping your G-spot with one finger, use your other hand to press down on your pubic mound (the pubis mons) from outside! This makes the stimulation way more intense and should make you cum! Try it and see!

3. Use a G spot vibrator

For those who want it all, the best way to experience a vaginal orgasm during solo play is by using a G spot bullet vibrator. Apply some lube, slip it in and nestle the head against your G spot!

I’ve fallen in love with this one from Je Joue!

It’s perfectly curved to send sweet vibes through my G-spot and buzz my clit for some incredible clit orgasms! If I time it just right, I can sometimes get the clit orgasm and G-spot orgasm to happen at the same time – this is known as a blended orgasm, and it’s honestly one of the best orgasms ever!

For more tips on giving yourself a G-spot orgasm, check out my best Orgasmic Tips for Girls here!

Give Her An Orgasm She Never Forgets. Try It Now!

Best sex toys for him

When it comes to making yourself cum with sex toys, one of the best-kept secrets is that toys for women like clit vibrators, bullet vibrators, and G spot vibrators work just as well for men!

With a vibrator and a bit of lube you can:

  • Rub the tip along your shaft
  • Hold it on your scrotum and testicles
  • Touch the tip against your frenulum (the underside of the head of your penis)
  • Press it into your perineum (the area between your testicles and anus)

These moves can transform a regular fap session and make it mind-blowing!

But there are two other types of sex toys you simply must try –  cock rings and prostate massagers!

Cock rings

If regular hand stimulation isn’t getting you there, try a vibrating cock ring. These flexible little toys help keep your dick harder for longer while sending dazzling vibrations throughout your entire penis while you masturbate or have sex!

My current partner introduced me to the Mio, and it’s transformed our sex life! When he’s inside me, it nuzzles perfectly against my clit and helps us achieve simultaneous orgasms. I recommend you practice using the Mio for solo play, and then you’ll know exactly how to use it during partnered sex!

Read my Complete Guide to Cock Rings to discover my best tips!

Prostate massager

Besides stimulating your dick, the other type of orgasm guys can enjoy is known as a prostate orgasm. Your prostate is tucked out of the way, and stimulating it can result in a powerful hands-free orgasm!

One way to stimulate your prostate is from the outside by holding a vibrator against your perineum. But the best way to make yourself cum is to stimulate your prostate internally using a special sex toy called a prostate massager!

Many guys are squeamish about butt play, but with a little lubricant, prostate massagers slip right in and start working their magic! Unfortunately, not all prostate massagers are equal. Everyone’s body is slightly different, so you may need to experiment with a few types of prostate massager until you find the perfect fit!

However, when I was interviewing guys for this guide, one name kept popping up again and again – the Nuo.

It’s basically the world’s first dual-motor wireless butt plug, and guys are going ga-ga for this sex toy right now! The shape makes it easy to nestle the head right against the prostate, and having two motors makes it very, very effective. If you want a hands-free prostate orgasm, nothing else comes close.

Read my Ultimate Guide to Prostate Massagers to find out how to use one!

How to cum with a partner

If you’re having a hard time learning how to orgasm with your partner, one of the best-kept secrets is this; use solo-play techniques during partnered sex. That’s right; ALL the techniques I’ve just shown you work just as well when you’re with your other half!

The research speaks for itself; just 18 percent of women can cum from penetration alone, yet when they add clit stimulation at the same time, the success rate jumps to over 70 percent! What’s more, orgasms are more frequent and more pleasurable. So that’s what we’ll be looking at in this section; how to cum with your partner; everything you need to know.

Tip 1. Try mutual masturbation

The best way to cum during partnered sex is to show your partner what you like and how you like to be touched. If masturbating in front of your partner seems embarrassing or shameful, take their hand in yours and guide them so that they learn what turns you on. Mutual masturbation helps you and your partner learn the exact types of speeds, pressure, and locations that make you cum.

Tip 2. Make room to reach for the clit

The secret to learning how to orgasm during sex is making room for your fingers or a sex toy to get in on the fun! You don’t need to know any complex positions – missionary, spooning, and woman-on-top work just fine.

The key is simply knowing how to make a little space! If you’re a woman who feels that masturbating during sex is rude or disrespectful (it definitely isn’t!), then ask your partner to take over the hand action and get ready to see the stars!

1. Missionary

In Missionary position, the penetrating partner (on top) can tilt their body up to make room for some hand stimulation. Either partner can use the same motions I taught you above – clit circling – to show the clit some love. You can also get in there with a clit vibrator or any type of bullet vibrator, or by using a vibrating cock ring. Orgasms will happen, trust me!

2. Spooning

While Spooning, with both of you lying on your sides, the penetrating partner (on the outside) can reach around and start circling the clit or using a clit vibrator.

3. Woman on top

Working some clit action into Cowgirl position is a breeze; the top partner just needs to lean back a little and put her hand on her clit or have her partner do the same. To discover my best tips for making Cowgirl feel orgasmic, check out my Complete Guide to Reverse Cowgirl now!

Trying one, two, or even all the three of these positions is all but guaranteed to make you cum! The key is experimenting with different positions, angles, speeds, and pressures until you cum.

Tip 3. Move it!

Now you know how to bring solo play moves like masturbation and clit circling to the bedroom, it’s time to look at how to move during sex to make yourself cum! Here are the top three things to do that will help you cum!

Option 1. Stay in

One of the main reasons why so few women (18%) cum through penetrative sex is that in-and-out thrusting interrupts their pleasure. It’s kind of like turning up to a restaurant and then leaving, again and again. Most people learn this style of thrusting when they discover sex and just assume that’s how it has to be. Yet research shows that over 80 percent of women prefer penetration that goes in and stays in! This is called ‘Staying in’ and it’s one of the best ways to build pleasure!

Here’s what to do. The penetrating partner goes deep and stays there – consider using a cock ring to stay hard for as long as possible (while giving the clit some good vibes!). The receiving partner then ‘flexes’ around the cock (keep practicing those Kegels I showed you earlier!). They can also wrap their legs around their partner to increase the pressure on their clit.

Option 2. Grind

The second movement that will make you cum during sex is another solo-play favorite – grinding! You see, the vulva is like a pleasure-seeking homing missile that’s constantly searching for things to grind onto or into. Certain positions, like Reverse Cowgirl, are perfect for grinding. Most girls are shy about grinding, but don’t be! Grind into your partner and unabashedly focus on your own pleasure, taking exactly what you want until you cum!

Grinding against a rock hard penis or toy feels almost as good when it’s not penetrating! The woman simply rubs back and forth or up and down along the base and shaft until she reaches the Big O! Don’t feel left out guys; you can use your hands to help with the grinding motion!

3. Rocking

The third movement to try is Rocking. This works great during any position, and pairs well with ‘Staying in.’ Rocking involves having the penetrating partner rock up and down or roll their hips in a circular motion during sex. It gives masses of clitoral and G-spot stimulation, and it’s one of the best ways to make yourself cum and reach orgasm during penetrative sex!

Communicate and create!

Partnered sex is all about learning how to orgasm together – you’re helping to co-create your own sexual pleasure. Mutual masturbation is a great way to start, but you need to keep communicating during sex if you want to cum.

If an orgasm is proving elusive, you need to:

  • Share what you’re struggling with
  • Make requests
  • Give feedback

Let’s dive into these areas!

Share what you’re struggling with

If you have a vulva and you aren’t getting the clit stimulation you crave during sex, let your partner know. They may be able to up their hand game or suggest a better clit vibe that helps you finish. Likewise, if you have a penis and need more stimulation to cum – like testicle or perineum stimulation, tell your other half. They may be open to using a cock ring, or reaching down and fondling your balls to help you cum.

Make requests

Be vocal during sex. It’s a real turn-on for your partner and lets you ask them for things that feel good during solo play! If you’re more sensitive down one side of your vulva, tell your partner where you like it. If you need P-spot stimulation to climax, don’t be afraid to ask!

Give feedback

Offer positive feedback about what feels good, but don’t be scared of letting your partner know if something isn’t working. A good way to ‘positively frame’ criticism is by telling your partner, “It felt really good when you did (…)”.

When they do something you like, give plenty of verbal and non-verbal feedback, so they keep doing it more! Also remember that if you’re having a hard time coming, there’s nothing wrong with you or your sex life, you simply need to find what works and do more of it! You’ll get there!

How to orgasm so hard it blows your mind!

As promised, I’ve saved my best techniques until last, but they’re not for the faint of heart! These moves are for Big-O-pros who just want to cum so hard their eyes roll back into their head.

I must warn you: using these moves with your partner may make them sexually obsessed with you! Once you know how to use these techniques, don’t be surprised if your other half start begging you for sex, even if you’re only casually dating!

You have been warned!

1. Dipping

This first move I’m going to teach you is something I picked up from a sexologist. It’s called ‘Dipping,’ and it involves exploring the entrance to the vagina with the head of the penis! Most couples move right past the vaginal entrance and start thrusting. But that’s like checking into a 5-star hotel without checking out the lobby – the entrance is nothing short of spectacular!

Dipping feels incredible for women as the entrance is super-sensitive – like experiencing everything in 3D. Dipping feels equally good for men, as it keeps the super-tight vaginal opening wrapped around the most sensitive and pleasurable spot on the underside of their penis – the frenulum!

Here’s what to do. The penetrating partner uses a vibrating cock ring to stay hard and places the tip of his dick in the opening. The cock ring not only keeps his dick hard; it turns it into a vibrator that stimulates deep into her clitoral tissue. By clenching around his dick, she can build her arousal until she orgasms!

2. Combining

The second move I’m going to teach you is known as Combining. This is where you combine penis and finger penetration at the same time. This gives the receiving partner an exquisite feeling of super-fullness that can be incredibly gratifying. It also gives the penetrating partner an amazing feeling of tightness that guarantees a quick, explosive orgasm – it’s win-win!

Before we get started – this one comes with its own warning:

  • Trim your nails before trying this – vaginal tears aren’t cool, so keep ‘em clipped!
  • Use plenty of lube – water-based lube is great as it’s super-smooth. Some silicone lubes, although longer-lasting, can contain these micro silicone particles that won’t feel good.
  • Set a safe word. The joy of Combining comes from trust. The receiving partner needs to know that their other will stop at any point. Always abide by the safe word and pull out if it starts to hurt.

Here’s how it’s done. Start having sex in the Spooning position. After penetration has been going on a while, the receiving partner reaches down and starts fingering her G-spot, or has the penetrative partner reach around and slips their middle finger inside her.

The penetrating partner then eases back inside with their penis (or toy) and starts using any of the movements in this guide (Staying in, Grinding, or Rocking). With enough lube, this movement will create a sensation of delicious fullness and gives a lot of G-spot stimulation for the receiving partner. Some women can achieve a blended orgasm and experience a clitoral and G-spot orgasm simultaneously with this method!

This movement is just as awesome for guys – especially if they want to cum really hard. The knuckle of the inserted finger creates a unique ‘kneading’ action along the sensitive underside of their penis, especially the frenulum as it passes by.

Combining is the technique that just keeps on giving. With experience, you can build up to combining even larger objects like vibrators or more than one finger. This creates even more powerful sensations and is one of the best ways to experience earth-shattering orgasms!

Final thoughts

Whether you’re shooting for your first Big O or chasing the orgasm of a lifetime, hopefully, this informative guide has given you plenty of food for thought. If you find something especially orgasmic or have your own way to cum, why not ‘pay it forward’ and send us an email so we can share your tip here? You never know who you might help!

Have fun!