How To Be More Assertive In A Relationship?

Being assertive means understanding your own needs and speaking up clearly and respectfully. It means direct communication without steamrolling your partner.

In romantic relationships, assertive communication helps you set personal boundaries, express your true feelings, and get on the same page with your partner. The result? Less confusion, more trust, and better overall happiness for both of you.

Many guys struggle with a lack of assertiveness because they’re afraid of conflict. They worry about making others mad or seeming “demanding”.

If that’s you, here’s the good news: assertiveness is a skill, and you can build confidence with practice. It won’t happen overnight, but every step you take will boost your self-worth and improve your relationship.

Let’s break down some practical ways to assert yourself both outside the bedroom and between the sheets.

Practical Tips To Be Assertive OUTSIDE The Bedroom

If you can't order coffee without sweating, your chances of confidently leading her into bed aren't too hot. Good news? Being self confident is simpler than you expect. Retire your “Mr. Nice Person” badge forever. Practice the following tips to be an assertive person outside the bedroom:

Now for the spicy part: how to be more assertive in bed.

Practical Tips To Be Assertive INSIDE The Bedroom

If you're a people pleaser, you might be afraid to assert your desires because you don’t want to seem aggressive or make your partner uncomfortable. But guess what—most women actually appreciate a partner who shows confidence and takes initiative in the bedroom (as long as it’s done with respect).

With that in mind, here are six practical tips to amp up your dominance inside the bedroom:

Remember, being sexually assertive comes down to self-confidence and communication. When you express your desires and lead with respect, your partner can relax and fully enjoy the experience with you.

And if you’re wondering what that feels like from her side of the sheets—don’t worry, she’s got thoughts.

Alright—let’s get something straight. Assertiveness turns us on. Manipulation shuts us down. There’s a massive difference, and most men miss it.

So let’s talk about it—gently and with a little sass—because I want you to get this right.

Assertiveness = Confidence + Respect (This Is Dominance)

Assertiveness equals dominance, and dominance is leadership, is service, is love. It all comes down to your intention. If it is genuine, you are creating a sexy win-win situation she can't and doesn't even want to resist.

This is what most women secretly hope for. Not just the confidence—but the care behind it. When a man leads with clarity and heart? Well, that’s the kind of dominance we melt for.

Manipulation = Coercion + Control (This Is Domineering)

Manipulation, on the other hand, is coming from a place of creating an advantage for you without caring about the other person, as long as you get what you want. It's a win-lose situation that will shut her down quicker than you can say "I am dominant"—spoiler, if you have to say it you are not embodying it; dominance is understated not overstated.

This is what breaks women. Not the sex—but the pressure. When a man ignores her discomfort and pushes anyway, he’s not leading—he’s domineering. And that kind of energy doesn’t turn us on… it shuts us down.

So if you want her turned on—not shut down—lead with confidence, not force. Trust me, we know the difference instantly. But if you really want to blow her mind, here are the three flavors of dominance she actually craves.

The SQL Method: Soft, Silly, & Savage – A Balanced Approach To Sexual Leadership

Most guys only lean into one flavor of dominance—and they wonder why she’s not lit up like a Christmas tree. Maaaannn, listen — sexual leadership isn’t just about being rough or loud or “in control.”

It’s about having range. The kind that turns her on emotionally, mentally, and physically.

That’s where the SQL Method comes in. It’s your cheat code to being the kind of man she brags about in group chats.

SQL Method — Soft

Soft is the part that grounds her nervous system. It’s the gentleness, the slowness, the presence. Soft doesn’t mean weak—it means you’ve got the strength to hold space without needing to fill it.

SQL Method — Silly

Silly breaks the tension. It says, “I’m confident enough to play.” And play equals safety. Most women get turned on faster when they’re laughing, not overthinking.

SQL Method — Savage

Savage is the primal energy. The raw, take-charge, “I want you now” side of you that grabs her by the hips and fucks her like you mean it. Not because you’re angry. But because you’re clear.

Sexual mastery lives in the transitions. The moment you can switch from teasing her with a smirk… to pinning her down… to holding her after—that’s when she starts calling you unforgettable. Learn to lead with range, and she’ll follow you anywhere.

Alright, now let’s break down exactly how to lead like that guy—not the one she forgets by morning.

Andrew’s Expert Tips On Dominance & Bedroom Leadership

When men say they “lack assertiveness,” what they often mean is they’ve never been taught how to lead with presence instead of pressure. That’s where I come in—not just as a relationship coach, but as a man who’s done the reps, messed up, fixed it, and now teaches it.

These tips aren’t theory. They’re battle-tested, real-world, “learned the hard way” kind of tools.

Tip #1 – Understand That Women Are Attracted To Leaders, Not Dictators

Leading means you take initiative and own the moment—but still stay deeply connected to her emotional cues. Dictators command obedience. Leaders inspire surrender.

Most women aren’t looking for someone to boss them around. They want a man who knows who he is and what he wants and can guide an experience without asking for permission every two seconds—big difference.

Tip #2 – Master Physical & Verbal Command

Dominance starts with embodied confidence. If your voice shakes, your hands hesitate, or you break eye contact every time things heat up—yeah, she feels that. Want to lead in the bedroom?

Command is about self-awareness and knowing what energy you're bringing into the room. Your nervous system leads hers. If you're grounded, she relaxes. Your tone is foreplay. Your posture is foreplay. Your presence is foreplay.

Tip #3 – Stop Overthinking & Start Leading

Overthinking is the modern man’s erection killer. If you’re in your head, you’re not in the moment. And if you’re not in the moment, she can’t surrender to it. Dominance is decisiveness with empathy. You don’t need a script. You just need clarity and the guts to move first.

Make the first move. Whether that’s initiating sex, taking her hand, or turning her face for a kiss—lead. Then read. If she pulls closer, keep going. If not, pivot. That’s real-time leadership.

Tip #4 – Practice These Daily Habits To Strengthen Dominance & Confidence

Dominance starts in the bedroom—but it’s built outside of it. You can’t fake inner strength. You train it. Here’s what I recommend daily:

You don’t wake up one day and magically become dominant. You build it. You practice it. You live it. And yeah, you’ll mess it up. You’ll stumble. You’ll say the wrong thing. Welcome to being human.

Still got questions? Good—it means you're actually paying attention.

Frequently Asked Questions

Got questions? Of course you do—unless you're psychic or for some other reason you already know everything about dominance.

Ready to take your skills to the next level? Join our exclusive online course “Squirting Triggers” and gain in-depth knowledge with expert guidance, easy-to-follow step-by-step explanations, live demonstrations, and two female perspectives. Don’t just read about it – master it! Enroll today and start transforming your life. Get started Now!