We can all recall a time when sex just didn't go over as well as we intended. Whether it was our first time or maybe something a bit more recent...
Sex doesn't have to be awkward.
I've taught these practical tips and techniques to clients all around the world, and now I'm going to teach them to you.
In this article, we'll cover:
How To Initiate Sex Without Feeling Awkward
Initiating sex, especially after a long period without it, can feel awkward.
To make it smoother and more natural, I gathered over the years the following practical and easy-to-use points to prepare yourself and set the right mood.
Talking about sex outside the bedroom helps set realistic expectations and ease tension.
Bring up your desires, boundaries, and preferences during a relaxed moment, like over dinner or during a walk.
Open communication can make both of you feel more comfortable and ready when it's time to initiate sex.
Creating the right atmosphere can make easing into sex feel more natural.
Dim the lights, play some soft music, and make sure the environment is cozy and inviting.
A romantic and relaxed setting can make the transition to intimacy smoother.
Choosing a moment when both of you are relaxed and free from stress or distractions make a huge difference when initiating sex.
Whether it’s a quiet evening at home or after a fun date, timing can greatly affect how comfortable you both are during the experience.
Starting with foreplay helps ease into sex and makes it less awkward.
Spend time kissing, touching, and exploring each other's bodies.
Foreplay builds intimacy and more desire gradually, making both of you feel more connected and ready for the main event.
Initiating sex doesn't have to be awkward. When you follow these points to the T, you greatly reduce the likelihood that your initiation will go wrong.
But now, let's dive into the main event..
10 Practical Tips To Be Less Awkward During Sex
Feeling awkward during sex is common, but there are ways to make it smoother and more enjoyable.
These are my ten tips to help you feel more confident and relaxed.
Tip #1 - Have A Beginner’s Mindset
Approaching sex with a beginner’s mindset means being open to learning and not expecting perfection. This can reduce pressure and make the experience more enjoyable for you and her.
Do's
Be curious and ask questions.
Be willing to try new things.
Be patient with yourself and your partner.
Don'ts
Don’t assume you know everything.
Don’t rush through the experience.
Don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know something.
Don't take yourself too seriously when entering the bedroom, it doesn't have to be perfect. Women crave authenticity! Be yourself, have fun, be messy and explore.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Tip #2 - Communicate
Good communication is important for all things in life and, most importantly, for GREAT sex. Talking openly about your likes, dislikes, and any concerns can help get rid of awkwardness.
Do's
Voice your fears and insecurities.
Ask for feedback and give it.
Talk about boundaries and consent.
Don'ts
Don’t assume your partner knows what you want.
Don’t ignore your partner’s cues.
Don’t be afraid to express your needs.
To talk about sex outside the bedroom and establish it as a normal topic in your relationship is the foundation of more confidence with your partner inside the bedroom.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Tip #3 - Take Your Time
Rushing through sex can make it feel awkward and unsatisfying. Taking your time gives you and her time to relax and actually enjoy the experience instead of feeling like you're out to achieve some type of goal.
Do's
Slow down.
Focus on exploring each other's bodies.
Pay attention to your partner’s responses.
Don'ts
Hurry to the finish line.
Ignore the build-up (foreplay) to sex.
Overlook the importance of aftercare.
Take your time with a woman. The journey can be just as enjoyable as the destination.
See life as foreplay, build up the sexual tension and create anticipation, this will not only create a less awkward interaction between the two of you but also greatly increase your chances of making her cum.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Tip #4 - Be Present With Her
Being present means paying attention to your partner and the moment rather than being distracted or thinking ahead.
Sometimes, life gets in the way and takes your mind (and body) out of the present moment and somewhere else.
As a result, your moves are less fluid. You miss cues and signals that you're partner is throwing your way, leaving her clueless and staring at you awkwardly.
Do's
Pause to check in with her.
Focus on her body language and cues.
Try making eye contact.
Be mindful of your sensations and emotions.
Don'ts
Don’t rush things.
Don’t let your mind wander off to things that don't matter at that moment (i.e. bills, your work, or your friends)
Don’t focus solely on your own pleasure.
A woman knows when her man isn't fully there with her, and it can make the moment feel inauthentic or worse, make her feel self-conscious.
Don't allow that to happen. Instead, be vocal (make noise, moan, scream) and stay in your body.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Tip #5 - Choose The Location Wisely
The setting can impact how comfortable and relaxed both partners feel during sex.
Choosing the right location can help you relax, reduce nervousness, and, by extension, make it feel a lot less awkward.
Do's
Make sure the room is clean and inviting.
Consider factors like lighting and temperature.
Play music or light candles.
Lock the door and close the window for privacy.
Don'ts
Don’t choose a location where you might be interrupted.
Don’t overlook the importance of ambiance.
Especially when you tend to get nervous choosing a comfortable and private location can make a world of difference, like a private bedroom, where the likelihood of someone walking in is slim to none.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Tip #6 - Adjust Positions
Choosing positions that suit both partners’ physical abilities can make sex more enjoyable and less awkward.
Sometimes we want to test out new positions in the bedroom, but when it's done too soon or too quickly, it can lead to more awkward things as either you or her try to figure out what's going on.
Do's
Start with basic positions (Missionary, Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl)
Progress to advanced positions (Full Nelson, Flying Dutchman, Caveman).
Choose positions that are comfortable for you and her.
Don'ts
Don’t force positions that cause discomfort.
Don't force positions that don't work for her or your body type.
Don't jump straight into a new position that is too challenging.
Don’t stick to the same routine every time.
Don’t ignore your partner’s feedback.
Often couples rush to do more faster. This isn't always the best approach.
Instead, start with something easy and beginner-friendly. See how you go. Then, work your way up to more advanced positions.
For example, nothing is more awkward than sex gone wrong when it leads to injuries or a visit to the hospital.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Tip #7 - Include Props For More Comfort
Using props like pillows or lube to make sex easier and more enjoyable.
Trying them out beforehand and preparing them can prevent you from awkward moments during intercourse.
Do's
Have pillows or cushions available. Look up sex wedges that are designed specifically for sex.
Use lube and have it on standby.
Keep a towel nearby for easy clean-up.
Don'ts
Don’t hesitate to suggest using props.
Don't forget your own needs.
Don’t use too much or too little lube.
If you want to use props, have them nearby.
Don't keep your lube buried under ten piles of paperwork or hidden in a shoebox you've long forgotten about. Instead, have it handy.
If you don't, you'll waste time and take yourself and her out of the moment.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Tip #8 - Test Your Toys
Trying out toys beforehand means that you make yourself comfortable with their settings, functions, and how they have to be charged, which can prevent awkward moments during sex.
Believe me there is nothing more devastating than a toy shutting down while she is close to climax.
Do's
Test the toys to see how they function.
Check the batteries and settings.
Have more batteries or a charger on hand.
Talk about why you want to use toys with your partner beforehand.
Don'ts
Don’t introduce toys without prior discussion.
Don’t use toys that aren’t clean.
Don't use the same toy with multiple partners unless that has been agreed on and the toy is cleaned extremely well after each use.
There are so many toys on the market these days that it can be hard to find the good ones.
Sometimes, you end up with malfunctioning parts, and other times you have to charge it for at least 30-60 minutes before it's good to go.
You want to be fully aware of this BEFORE you whip out the toy during sex.
Having to play around with buttons or pull out the manual and box to read directions will just take you out of the mood and make things awkward.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Tip #9 - Have A Laugh
Laughter can diffuse tension or awkwardness when it happens. Don’t be afraid to laugh together and keep things light-hearted.
Bring the focus back to what has gone right instead of what's wrong.
Do's
Laugh off any awkward moments.
Have a sense of humor.
Be playful and light-hearted.
Don'ts
Don’t take everything too seriously.
Don’t get upset over small mishaps.
Don’t be afraid to joke around.
Sometimes men (women, too) take sex too seriously.
When it doesn't go their way, it can feel like the entire day is ruined because they spend what should have been a fun time, worrying about all the things that went wrong and what they could have done differently.
Shocking news. You can't change the past. You can only adapt your response in the present moment. Instead of being upset and having a sour face, laugh or crack a joke.
There will be other moments. It's okay if not every single one goes perfectly each time.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Tip #10 - Express Yourself
Expressing your emotions makes sex more fun and enjoyable for your partner.
She wants to hear your moans, screams, dirty talk, or even animal noises.
Do's
Use sound, movement, and vocal expression.
Talk dirty during and before sex.
Share your feelings.
Be honest about what you enjoy.
Don'ts
Don’t hold back your emotions.
Don’t be afraid to make noise.
Don’t hide your reactions.
Breathing, sound, and movement help her know your feelings. She can't read your mind.
Likewise, you can't read hers. When you're vocal and loud during sex, it lets her know that you like what she's doing and encourages her to do more of it.
Therefore, growl like an animal if you have to, and that's what feels natural for you.
Isabel
SEXUALITY COACH
Prevent Awkward Moments After Sex
Having a plan for what happens after sex can help you avoid weird or awkward moments. Whether it's a casual situation or with a partner, knowing what to do next can make things smoother.
Aftercare is about taking care of each other’s emotional and physical needs after sex. This can include cuddling, talking, or simply being present with each other. Addressing each other's comfort and well-being helps prevent awkwardness.
For casual sex, consider arranging a ride home. With a partner, think about cuddling or having a shower together.
In general, offering water or snacks can keep the mood positive and comfortable.
A sex survey means discussing what was good and what you want more of.
Asking each other for feedback can mean next time is better.
This conversation can make both partners feel heard and valued, reducing any post-sex awkwardness.
Cleaning up the aftermath includes tidying up the bed, disposing of used items, and getting cleaned up yourself.
Also, don't forget to offer her a towel to clean herself up or a T-shirt to feel warm and safe after sex.
Andrew's Expert Insights To Overcome Insecurities & Awkwardness
Feeling insecure or awkward during sex is common. Many of my clients and even myself when I was younger, experience these feelings, but there are ways to overcome them and enjoy a more fulfilling sexual experience.
These are a few of my insights, gained from years of experience with first-timers or men with low amounts of sexual experience, to help you tackle common issues and feel more confident.
I. Fear Of Rejection
Fear of rejection can make it hard to fully enjoy sex.
This fear can come from past experiences or worries about not meeting your partner's expectations, making her cum, or yourself cumming too soon and, therefore, "doing something wrong."
Solutions
II. Shyness
We all feel shy from time to time. Still, shyness can stop you from enjoying sex.
You might lock up, close your body up, or just not in the moment because you're preoccupied with what might go wrong. This might stem from self-consciousness or lack of experience.
Solutions
III. Lack Of Experience & Knowledge
Feeling inexperienced or lacking knowledge about sex can lead to insecurity. You might worry about not knowing what to do or how to please your partner.
Solutions
IV. Performance Anxiety
Worrying about your performance can cause stress and stop you from being fully in the moment with her.
This anxiety often revolves around concerns about lasting long enough or satisfying your partner.
Solutions
V. Dissatisfaction With Your Size
Concerns about penis size can affect your confidence, making you worried that your partner is not satisfied because of your size.
Solutions
VI. Low Self-Confidence
Low self-confidence can make you feel unworthy of your partner's attention, love, or even sex. This, of course, can lead to a lack of enjoyment and intimacy.
Solutions
VII. Emotional Baggage
Past experiences and unresolved issues can affect your current sexual relationship. This baggage can cause anxiety and prevent you from fully engaging.
Solutions
Lastly, again don’t take yourself too seriously. Enjoy the moment, and remember that sex is supposed to be fun, messy, and explorative.
Frequently Asked Questions
There are a few things you need to know about being less awkward in bed.
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