No matter how good you are at giving your partner pleasure, you could always be better. There are always new techniques to master and new tips to learn.
Do you want to keep your partner on her toes? Do you want her to brag to her girlfriends at how good you are in bed? Do you know you can give her more pleasure but don’t know how?
The below guide will outline 30 ways to improve your sex life. While you don’t have to implement them all at once, even just a tip or two will add extra spice to your sex life and bring you and your partner greater pleasure.
1. Use Your Tongue
If you’re saving your tongue for only when you go down on your partner, there’s something missing in your intimate life. The tongue can be used all over the body to bring her pleasure.
The lips, the earlobe, the neck, the nipples. Your tongue is a powerful muscle, and one that can bring her to climax if you know how to use it well. Don’t believe that the tongue can be that good? Take a look at this list of ways to use your tongue to heat up your sex sessions.
2. Make Some Noise
It’s not uncommon for men and women to be self-conscious about the noises they make during sex. This seems to be more prevalent in men, however, which often results in silence on their part.
Just imagine, you’re eating out your partner or giving them a good pounding only for there to be little to no sounds of pleasure coming from them. It makes you wonder if you’re doing enough, right? The same goes for women who aren’t sure whether their partner is enjoying the experience or not.
While you don’t need to go all out with yells of pleasure, a moan or groan here or there is great motivation for your partner. It may even be a huge turn-on for them!
3. Prolong Foreplay
Too often, our busy schedules can make it difficult to get in enough personal time with our partners. When we can fit it in, it can be rushed. The only solution? Slow it waaaaay down by prolonging the foreplay.
Foreplay is meant to heighten arousal and increase feelings of intimacy. You and your partner will have a funner, more pleasurable time when you take your time with foreplay.
4. Practice Edging
Edging is a sexual technique that involves stopping yourself or another person from reaching climax right when they’re on the edge. The edging is usually repeated numerous times before finally letting yourself or your partner orgasm. The result is usually incredibly pleasurable and explosive, moreso than if you had climaxed on the first round.
Whether alone or with your partner, edging is a way to increase pleasure. It’s also an excellent technique for men who suffer from premature ejaculation as it can “train” them to last longer.
5. Talk Dirty
Whether used as foreplay, pillow talk, or even during sex, dirty talk can expose you to a new level of pleasure.
It can feel awkward to talk dirty at first, but as you and your partner get used to it it’ll feel more natural. So start small if you’re feeling hesitant (e.g. I love how soft your lips are, you look so sexy) and you’ll soon find yourself getting more explicit (e.g. I love how your pussy feels, I can’t wait for you to suck my cock).
6. Sex Toys… for Her
For too long, there’s been a taboo about using sex toys in partner play. But sex toys don’t mean you can’t please your partner. Instead, they are something used to elevate the experience for both partners.
If your partner is new to sex toys, then a simple vibrator is a good introduction. There’s so many types of sex toys to choose from, including dildos and anal beads and even nipple clamps. The possibilities are endless, so if she doesn’t like one type of toy there’s more to explore.
7. Sex Toys… for You
The sex toys available for men aren’t much different than those for women. You, too, can find an array of vibrators, massagers, and stimulators to hit just the right spots.
From butt plugs and prostate massagers to pulsating vibrators and cock rings, there’s something for everyone to enjoy. And if you’re a little self-conscious about it, go ahead and use them by yourself before introducing them into partner play.
8. Invest in High-Quality Lube
Sex is only as good as the lubricant you use. Okay, so that’s a slight exaggeration. But take my word for it, high-quality lube can be the difference between good sex and great sex.
So what’s high-quality when it comes to lubricant? It depends on various factors. The best lubes will be long-lasting, non-staining, and compatible with condoms and sex toys (if applicable). There are many different kinds of lubricants, including water-based, oil-based, silicone, and mixed.
Don’t be afraid to experiment with different lubes, or even use different lubricants for different activities.
9. Try Mutual Masturbation
Sex is not the be-all-end-all of intimacy. There are plenty of other ways to bring yourself and your partner to climax together. One such way is mutual masturbation.
As the name suggests, mutual masturbation is masturbation done together. It usually involves each person pleasuring themself, though you can also “assist” your partner and vice versa during the session. For added fun, consider trying sex toys!
10. Keep the Spark Alive
It’s impossible to maintain that initial spark of passion and intimacy throughout your relationship. But while the passion and intimacy will change over time, it doesn’t mean you should give up on the spark altogether.
Take the time to remind your partner that you’re still attracted to her. Even small acts, like a simple kiss or hand on the lower back, can keep the spark alive even during the busiest seasons of life.
11. Embrace the Occasional Quickie
The majority of the time, you should treat sex as a marathon and not a sprint. But sometimes, a quickie can be just the thing you and your partner need to keep it spicy.
A quickie doesn’t have to be impersonal or feel “rushed.” You can even plan it in advance so you and your partner can have extended foreplay throughout the day. For example, talking about it via text or sending racy photos.
12. Give Her a Sensual Massage
Sensual touch doesn’t always need to lead to sex. What’s a better way to show your partner that you just want to give her pleasure than with a sensual massage?
Sensual massage is a full-body experience that uses various massage techniques. The goal is to release tension, reduce stress, and stimulate the erogenous zones. While it can seem awkward at first, you’ll soon find your rhythm.
13. Try a Cock Ring
If the usual male sex toys aren’t your thing (though, I do strongly urge you to give them a try!), a cock ring may be more along the lines of what you’re looking for. Cock rings are worn around the base of the penis. This slows blood flow during an erection as to 1) make you harder, and 2) keep you harder for longer.
When used correctly, cock rings are safe and pleasurable. They are fun for both partners (you because of greater sensitivity and longevity, them because of longevity), affordable, and easy to obtain. Some cock rings even vibrate which is another fun touch for both partners!
14. Get In Touch With Your Kinkier Side
There’s nothing wrong with basic, no-nonsense sex. But have you ever felt like something kinkier was missing?
Kinky sex is a catch-all that describes any non-traditional consensual sexual behavior like BDSM or roleplay. With a list of kinks and fetishes a mile long, there’s certainly something for everyone to enjoy! You and your partner can have fun exploring the options. And who knows, you may unlock a fetish you never even knew you had!
15. Set the Scene
If your partner is never fully in the mood, the environment may be to blame. It can take some people awhile to wind down after a long day, but there’s one way you can help your partner: set the right vibes by setting the scene.
Candles, music, rose petals, her favorite fragrance… when combined, these and other aesthetic efforts can set the scene for a lovely night. They can act as a mental shifter which helps your partner to slow down and transition from her usual roles into a more sensual being.
16. Explore Her Erogenous Zones
The lips, the nipples, the clitoris, and the vagina – these are the “zones” that most men tend to focus on in the heat of the moment. But women actually have dozens of erogenous zones to explore!
From the top of her head to the tips of her toes, there are 30+ erogenous zones with some being more unexpected than others. Just a few of these include the nape of the neck, the armpit, the lower back, the inner thighs, and the soles of the feet. Exploring your partner’s erogenous zones will not only feel good to her, but it will help you to get more acquainted with her body. This will serve you both well in the future.
17. Try Prostate Massage
Alright, hear me out. Too many men see prostate massage or anal play of any kind as emasculating. The truth is that the prostate is a pleasure point and there’s nothing emasculating or feminine about exploring that pleasure.
How do you get started? You can always start by yourself, using either your finger or a prostate massager. Just insert into the anus and stimulate the prostate (about 2 inches into the anus) either using light pressure or slow, circular motions. Once you’re comfortable, you can get your partner in on the fun, too. Prostate massage combined with penile stimulation can produce a mindblowing orgasm that you don’t want to miss out on!
18. Have a Makeout Session
As mentioned above, not all sensual touch needs to lead to sex. When’s the last time you made out with your partner without the expectation that it would escalate?
A steamy make out session is an easy way to let your partner know you’re still totally into them. Set the scene with candles and music and let them know there are no expectations. And while it doesn’t have to lead to sex, it can be a great foreplay activity.
19. Get on a Schedule
Scheduling sex doesn’t sound sexy, I know. But for busy couples who feel like they’re never able to align when it comes to when to have sex, having a schedule can be the answer.
By blocking time on your crazy schedule, you’ll always know there’s at least one or two days where you and your partner have time to get intimate. That doesn’t mean you can’t be spontaneous, though. It just means you and your partner will connect at the bare minimum, but there’s always room for more.
20. Practice Regular Hygiene
Let’s face it, not everyone is good about keeping up a regular hygiene routine. Whether it’s because they’re depressed, extremely busy, or they’ve just never been particularly hygiene-focused. But when it comes to sex and intimacy, both pre and post hygiene is important.
Your hygiene routine doesn’t need to be exhaustive, but it should be regular. That includes showering and brushing your teeth daily and manscaping/trimming your pubic hair at least once per month. This will ensure you’re always good to go without putting your partner in an awkward or uncomfortable position.
21. Do Your Kegels
Kegels are an exercise often recommended to women, but men can benefit from kegel exercises, too.
Kegels are exercises that target the pelvic floor muscles. In men, this supports the bladder, small intestine, rectum, and prostate. So how do you kegel? It’s easy. With regular practice, Kegels support pelvic floor health (e.g. preventing incontinence as you get older) and they can also help you to prolong lovemaking and prevent premature ejaculation.
22. Practice Aftercare
Whether it was a 10-minute quickie or a 2-hour romp in the sheets, it’s important to keep the care and attention going afterward. What this looks like will depend on you and your partner, but here are a few ideas.
- Ask her how it was/if she enjoyed herself
- Cuddle her
- Rub her back
- Give her a massage
- Talk about next time
- Tell her what you enjoyed
Your partner may prefer more touch after sex, or not. Whatever they prefer, though, aftercare is important to ensure sex just doesn’t become another rushed thing in your busy life.
23. Watch Porn Together
For decades, porn has been tailormade for men. But with more independent contributors, porn now caters to men and women from all walks of life.
Watching porn together is a great way to learn more about what your partner finds stimulating. And while most porn is exaggerated, you can even find things that both you and your partner want to try on your own. This includes new positions, kinks, and fetishes.
24. Try Roleplay
Do you or your partner feel bored with your sex life? Roleplay is an easy and fun way to pretend to be someone else.
Roleplay doesn’t have to be complicated. You can roleplay a common theme (like doctor and nurse) or even just pretend to be strangers picking each other up in a bar. The benefits of roleplay are being able to let loose, act how you might normally not, and see your partner in a new light.
25. Practice Mindfulness
How often do you find yourself in the moment when having sex with your partner? If you or your partner find your thoughts straying during intimacy, it’s time to bring it back to basics and practice mindfulness.
What does this look like?
If you have a busy day, then take some time before sex to decompress. You want to let go of all stress from the day so you don’t bring it into the bedroom. During sex, you can also take the time to focus on a particular aspect of the act to keep your head in the game. For example, your partner’s breathing.
By staying in the moment, you make your partner feel important and you’ll enoy yourself more.
26. Switch It Up
When you’ve been with someone for a while, you tend to get comfortable with set roles. This includes your role in the bedroom. Every now and then, though, it can be fun to switch it up.
What does this look like? Try new positions with your partner in control. Ask your partner to initiate sex one night this week instead of you. Let your partner give you a sensual massage. This will vary depending on the roles you and your partner have, but the options are seemingly endless.
27. Explore a Fantasy
For most people, sexual fantasies are just that… fantasies. But don’t be afraid to explore those fantasies with your partner so it can become a reality.
It can be hard to open up to your partner about fantasies, especially if it’s taboo. One way to introduce your partner to the fantasy is with erotic literature or porn. You can read or watch together and point out particular elements to your partner that you like. You can also ask your partner what fantasies they’d like to try as a way to open up the conversation.
28. Get Into Power Play
I mentioned kinkier sex as a separate tip above. One “kink” often explored by couples is power play which is more often referred to as Dom/Sub.
In a Dominant/Submissive relationship, one partner takes on the role of the dom. This is the partner who does, well, the “doing.” They tie up their partner, they pull their hair, they tell their partner what to do. On the other hand, the sub enjoys being domineered and does what their dom says if they don’t want to be punished.
In a healthy relationship, power play can be a fun way to let loose and even reverse the usual roles in a relationship.
29. Engage in Regular Intimate Touch
A gentle brush of the shoulder, a hand on the lower back, a kiss on the forehead, or even a simple hand squeeze… these are all examples of regular intimate touch that can make a difference for you and your partner.
You don’t need to set time aside each day to practice intimate touch. When you work it into your day-to-day life, it makes it that much more special.
30. Explore Temperature Play
Hot and cold isn’t a new concept in sex play, but it may be something you and your partner haven’t tried before. Fortunately, it’s easy to get started.
Perhaps start with your partner sucking on an ice cube before kissing or going down on you. Or have your partner apply the ice cube directly to a sensitive part. You can do the same with warm/hot items with specialty lubricants or even sex-safe candle wax.
Which of the above sex tips are you eager to implement tonight?