How to Be Seductive: A Gentleman’s Manual

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Ever wondered why some guys seem to have all the luck when it comes to sex? Why your friend – who’s a 6/10 at best – seems to be able to pull a total goddess and take them home every night out, while you’re still sipping beers at the bar alone?

Well, it’s not witchcraft – your friend just knows how to be seductive. Some people are born with it. They just intuitively know how to exude that sexual energy that makes them irresistible.

The good news is, none of this is rocket science. Learning to seduce women is easier than you think. You just need to understand the principles of seduction.

Today, we’re going to be sharing the secrets to seduction with you. We’ll be looking at psychologically-backed techniques and methods that are proven to turn people on and will make you irresistible to the opposite sex.

By the end of this article, you’ll know how to make yourself so sexually magnetic that your partner won’t be able to keep their hands off you.

Sound good? Then grab your notepad and read on!

The 10 Principles of Seduction

Pick up artists have been trying to unravel the science of seduction for decades, and each self-styled pick-up guru has their own unique methodological process. These processes often utilize what we understand about female psychology, biology, and sociology to get women into bed.

And many of these processes really do work, because seduction is just that – a science. It’s grounded in basic biology.

Humans are just animals and, as animals, we’re all searching for the best potential mate. Our biological nature defines how we pick out that perfect mate – how we separate the alphas from the betas.

It turns out that women are looking for a specific set of traits in their sexual partners, including status, health, social intuition, and pre-selection. Being seductive is all about demonstrating those traits through the way you act around women.

From that, we can posit 10 principles of seduction. Master all 10 of these basic principles, and you’ll find that you have a lot more success with the opposite sex.

1. Confidence

By far the most important principle of seduction is confidence. Having confidence signals to women that you are intrinsically desirable and valuable.

Society often talks about ‘overconfidence’ as if it’s a bad thing, but that’s not true when it comes to seducing women. On the contrary, it’s quite the opposite. Overconfident guys – even when that confidence is misplaced – are more seductive, according to psychological research. That’s just the way it is.

Why? Because belief sells.

It’s a matter of social status. When we act overconfident, we confer a magical social status that women readily fall for. Belief in your own ability creates a kind of infectious energy, and women start to see you the way you see yourself.

This is true regardless of whether that self-confidence is justified or not. A loser who thinks he’s a king is still more attractive than a king who thinks he’s a loser.

In a way, this is kind of paradoxical, because often, women’s gut reaction to overconfident guys is to think they’re jerks. Despite this, though, studies show they’re more likely to climb into bed with those swaggering, cocky, puffed-up jerks than with modest guys.

Their sexual desire goes against their better judgment. It seems that we can be both repulsed and seduced by the same thing at the same time.

This is likely what has given rise to cliches like ‘nice guys finish last’, and ‘women love a bad boy’. The unfortunate reality is that, at least as far as sex is concerned, nice guys are at a disadvantage.

Confidence can easily take you from a 5/10 to a 10/10. This is the most important takeaway from this whole article. If you remember nothing else, remember this: be confident.

2. Pre-selection

Pre-selection is an evolutionary concept that states that women are more drawn to men that other women are attracted to. In other words, girls like guys that other girls like.

It makes a lot of sense if you think about it. When she sees that you’re popular with the ladies, she’s naturally going to wonder why. She’ll think, “all these other women have succumbed to him, so there must be a reason.”

Biologically-speaking, it’s kind of a shortcut to the selection process. She doesn’t have to go to all the trouble of figuring out whether or not you’re a worthy mate, because other women have already done that for her.

You might have experienced this first-hand already. Have you ever noticed how, as soon as you’re in a relationship, it seems like women are suddenly all over you? It’s not Murphy’s Law, it’s basic biology.

This is also why womanizers have so much success. Their reputation as womanizers precedes them and is what helps them to continue to be womanizers. Women think ‘this guy gets so many girls, I guess I should find him attractive too’, and the cycle continues.

3. Physical Attractiveness

Of course, the way you look is as important as the way you act. Half the battle is in the eyes; the other half is in the mind.

Men that are more physically attractive will find it much easier to be seductive. It ties into the biological urge for women to select a ‘healthy’ mate. If you’re naturally good-looking and in good shape, you’re at a major advantage.

If you’re not blessed with natural good looks, don’t worry. Dressing well, staying in good shape, and fixing your hair nicely, can get you 90% of the way, and self-confidence will get you the rest of the way there.

There are also some hacks you can do to make yourself seem more attractive than you really are, which we’ll cover later.

4. Intrigue / Mystery

Let’s face it: guys are thirsty creatures, and women get hit on every day. You can bet that if you’re trying to seduce someone, you’re not the first guy to do so. As a result, women are used to being hit on – it’s boring.

But the unknown is a big part of the way we experience attraction. We’re attracted to the unknown; intrigued by things that we don’t fully understand.

Guys can leverage that in order to be more seductive. Aim to bring something new to the table. Don’t be obvious and predictable when you’re hitting on her, be mysterious and intriguing. That’s one of the most important principles of seduction.

5. Anticipation

Anticipation is another bedrock of seduction, for both sexes. We often talk about guys ‘enjoying the chase’ when it comes to women, and the same is true in reverse. The idea that you really want something but you have to wait for it makes it all the more exciting.

To truly master the art of seduction, you’ve got to work on building anticipation and sexual desire.

6. Touch

Touch is crucial to being seductive. Remember back when you were young and your crush’s knees bumped into yours under the desk? Remember that familiar jolt of electricity it sent coursing through your veins?

Well, if innocently bumping knees was enough to elicit that response, just imagine the sparks that fly when you put a hand around a woman’s waist, or on her thigh. Physical contact is hugely important to arousal. Master the art of the subtle, seductive touch and you’ll be much more successful at the dating game.

Obviously, touch is also something you’ve got to be careful not to initiate unless it’s the right time and you know she’ll be into it – that goes without saying.

7. Sensory stimulation

Aside from the tactile sense, her other senses are important too. A woman’s senses play a pivotal role in her sexual response.

Take the olfactory sense, smell, for example. Did you know that the pheromones in your sweat act as sexual chemosignals and can have profound effects on a woman’s mood and sexuality? Now I’m not suggesting you go out to the club after a workout, pouring in sweat – that’s not going to work. A nice aftershave, on the other hand, might work wonders.

A more practical example of how you can stimulate her senses might be playing some sexy music to get her in the mood (hearing), or taking her out to dine on aphrodisiacs like oysters and champagne (taste).

8. Eye contact

Imagine the sexiest scene in a movie you can think of. I’m willing to bet that whatever scene you’re imagining, there’s some intense eye-contact going on between the two characters, am I right?

I can’t overstate how important eye contact is. When you meet someone’s gaze, you convey a whole bunch of biological signals. Not only does meeting her gaze let you know you’re interested in her, it suggests power and confidence.

It’s also been proven in several studies that sending and receiving eye contact enhances arousal.

Of course, I’m not talking about a creepy, wide-eyed, desperate stare here, but a subtle, lingering glance in her direction followed by some intense, suggestive eye contact later on in the night is a proven recipe for success.

9. Charisma

Charm and charisma are important skills to master when you’re trying to be seductive. To master the art of seduction, you have to learn how to be a great conversationalist. You have to learn how to be compelling and appealing and radiate charisma.

A lot of this comes down to practicing your social skills and learning how to be the center of a conversation. The more you talk to women, the better you’ll get at it. It’s also about how you hold yourself and act.

10. Strength

For many women, the most seductive men are those with a strong, powerful, masculine presence. This again links up with evolutionary biology.

Women’s biology means they look for men that can protect and provide for them. They want strong, successful, powerful men. That’s the image we’re trying to portray, subtly, through a whole range of social dynamics, when we’re acting seductively.

I’m not suggesting that you try and lift up a Range Rover, or pull a sword from a stone in a show of physical strength. Strength can be demonstrated in many ways, and it doesn’t have to be physical. It can also be portrayed through things like wealth, influence, and how you interact with others.

How to Seduce a Woman

Now that you understand the principles of seduction, let’s try and put it all together and form a step-by-step strategy for how to seduce a woman.

Remember that this is going to depend a lot on the social context. Every woman is different, and some tactics are going to work better for some women than others. You’ve also got to adapt your strategy depending on the kind of social environment your in, be it a party, club, fancy restaurant, coffee shop date, or somewhere else.

Try to treat this as more of general guidance than a definitive strategy. Use your initiative, and don’t be afraid to mix it up if you think something’s not working.

Look the Part

The first battle is with the eyes, so make sure you look the part when you’re trying to be seductive. Dress sharp when you’re going on a night out. Wear flattering clothes that fit you well. Baggy and tight clothes can both make you look more out of shape.

If you’re not in good shape already, start hitting the gym. You don’t necessarily want to get ‘swoll’, but you should definitely try and tone up. Research from UCLA shows that women find ripped, built men sexier than both beefy, bulked-up guys and skinny dudes.

One appearance ‘hack’ you can try to make yourself more seductive is to grow a beard. In one recent study, researchers found that women find men with heavy stubble and full beards the sexiest compared to clean-shaven men and those with light stubble.

The reason for this is that facial hair is suggestive of masculinity, maturity, dominance, and aggression. These four traits are tied in with a woman’s biological urge to choose a strong, healthy mating partner, so ditch the razors and let that 5-o’clock shadow grow out for a week or two.

A lot of pickup artists also recommend dressing ostentatiously as part of a technique called peacocking. The idea is that wearing flashy, outlandish clothing makes you stand out amongst the competition and differentiates you from other guys in the same way that a peacock displays its feathers to attract a mate.


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Be Confident

Before you head out to your date or to the club, you need to master your inner game. The inner game is the internal battle you need to win in order to be truly confident. You need to genuinely believe that you are the prize and that women should be falling over each other to sleep with you.

If you don’t truly believe that, you’re going to have to fake self-confidence, and that’s not nearly as effective as the real thing. Having genuine self-belief and a towering ego is the crux of seduction. Blunt, raw swagger is what we’re aiming for.

Some introspection is required here. To help you to get in the right frame of mind before you head out, try to rationally remind yourself how great you are. Think about all the beliefs about yourself that damage your self-confidence and then rationally overlook them.

Self-awareness is important, but when we’re trying to be seductive, too much self-awareness can be a barrier. Temporarily convince yourself that you’re infallible and maintain that irrational confidence while you’re trying to be seductive.

Choose the Right Woman

I want to move away from the notion of trying to seduce women as being in some way predatory. That’s not what this is about. We’re not trying to manipulate women into having sex with us – we’re hoping to make ourselves more attractive to them in the hopes it’ll help us to get laid.

As such, I’d urge away from trying to ‘seduce’ women who clearly don’t want your attention. Likewise, those already in monogamous relationships are off-limits.

Somewhat counter-intuitively, you’re not necessarily looking for someone you gel instantly with and have tons in common with either. After all, you’re not looking for a wife or a new best friend here, right?

Rather, the easiest women to seduce are those who might see in you something exotic or interesting. If you can offer them something new, you’ll have more interesting topics to talk about, be more exciting and mysterious, and generally more seductive.

Master the ‘In’

Let’s say you’ve seen a girl at the bar that you’re interested in. You’ve caught her eye and you think her gaze might have lingered a little. You fancy your chances, but you’re struggling to figure out what your next move should be. How do you approach her without coming off desperate, over-eager, or totally lame?

If you walk over directly and start with the standard ‘hey’, your intentions are too obvious. You may as well walk up and say ‘I’m going to hit on you now’. It puts her on a pedestal straight away, and the goal is to make yourself seem like the prize, not her.

However, you don’t want to go too far down the opposite route either and stand at the bar surly all night waiting for women to come to you (spoiler: they’re not going to come).

What you need is an ‘In’. An excuse to go and talk to her without making your intentions too obvious. A way to initiate a conversation without seeming like you’re trying to initiate conversation.

Examples of ‘Ins’

The trick is to approach her indirectly.

One way to do this might be to walk over tall and say something playful, maybe make a witty joke about something you’ve noticed about her, or comment on the music. Make it seem like you’re a fun-loving guy that she would want to talk to, but that you can take it or leave it.

Another option is to talk to someone else near her. For example, a really great method is to walk up and talk to the bar staff (if you know them), then invite her into the conversation subtly. Not only does this covey confidence and social status by making you seem more ‘popular’, but it gives you an excuse to go and stand next to her and start chatting.

Even better, start high fiving strangers at the bar. You’ll create social value for yourself, present an image of a fun-loving guy that seems to know everyone, and maybe even if you’re lucky, draw some female attention to yourself, which will help with pre-selection.

If she’s in a group, pay attention to her friend before you talk to her. Again, this will help with pre-selection and also makes you the prize.

Send Mixed Signals

Once you’ve got her attention, you need to keep it. Pleasant conversations get boring after a while and the chemistry can easily fade away.

When you’re trying to be seductive, don’t be too obvious and give too much of yourself away straight away. Be hard to figure out and focus on ambiguity to deepen her interest.

Make yourself seem like a complex figure that she can’t quite figure out. Hint at other aspects of your character and throw her off-balance once in a while.

Don’t seem too interested in her for too long; maybe interrupt your conversation to go and talk to someone you’ve noticed across the bar.

Sending mixed signals like this helps to hold her attention. If she’s unsure whether or not you really are interested in her, you’ll make yourself seem like more of a ‘challenge’. She’ll keep trying to win you over precisely because she doesn’t yet know that you want her.

Non-verbal communication

While you’re talking, think about your non-verbal language too. Non-verbal communication is one of the most powerful tools of seduction.

We can break non-verbal communication down into three areas: body language, eye contact, and facial expression. Let’s take a look at each of them.

Body Language

The most important tip here is to maintain good posture. Keep your head up and parallel to your ground and don’t slouch your shoulders.

It might seem like a small thing, but men who stand tall exude much more confidence than those that slouch. Slouching is NOT sexy or seductive. Walk like you think you’re the sexiest guy in the room.

Another tip is to be non-reactive and move slowly. Seductive guys move slowly. They don’t rush, because they don’t need to. They look calm, collected, and in control.

Eye Contact

Eye contact is also super important. Maintain sharp, focused eye contact with everyone you speak to in order to convey confidence, but save the super intense eye contact for when the heavy flirting begins. Don’t just randomly start staring down a woman that you’ve not already spoken to or who hasn’t given you any indication that she’s the least bit into you.

Once the heavy flirting has started though, you can up the intensity. One technique I’d recommend is to try and focus on your reflection in her eyes. This deepens your gaze and is more effective than surface-level eye contact.

When you’re ready to turn the heat up, try looking down at the triangle between her eyes and her chest. This is called the triangular gaze and is one of the most seductive ways to use your eyes.

If she starts doing the same or looks down at your lips, it’s a good sign that she’s into you. It might be an indication that you can move in for a kiss if the time feels right.

Facial Expression

A psychological study into how facial expressions were perceived as attractive by the opposite sex found that a brooding facial expression is the most attractive to women.

You might have thought that smiling is a good idea, but actually, it’s not. Smiling was perceived as the most attractive trait in women to male participants but it didn’t have quite the same effect the other way around.

Smiling tends to elicit trust and conveys friendliness, but it isn’t effective when it comes to carnal sexual attractiveness. It can be construed as needy, weak, and desperate. Smile when you’re trying to make friends, not when you’re trying to get laid.

Keep It Classy

One of the biggest mistakes guys make when trying to be seductive is to overdo it.

There’s a fine line between ‘seductive’ and ‘sleazy’. Gentlemen, don’t invite her to take her pants off right off the bat. Confidence is great, but too much confidence can make you seem deluded at best and downright predatory at worst.

Women like gentlemen. They don’t like guys that are mean, vulgar, overly-aggressive, brutish, or predatory – so don’t be any of those guys.

Sure, having a bit of an ‘edge’ and playing the bad boy can work, to a certain extent, but don’t overdo it. You still want to seem like a nice, fun, stand-up guy.

But gentlemanly and ‘gentle’ aren’t one and the same. You absolutely don’t want to come across as too gentle or too nice.

Don’t be meek, sappy, or overly-romantic. It can make you seem weak, desperate, and unoriginal. It also might put her on a pedestal, and you don’t want that. Remember, the goal is for you to be the prize here.

Move Slowly

Women aren’t like men. They’re not buttons you can just push to turn her on and make her wet. Rather, they’re like volume dials that you have to move up incrementally.

In other words, you have to take it nice and slow. Seduction is about the long game, not the short game. After you’ve started a conversation and the flirting is going well, build comfort and start to tone down that cockiness that you started off with.

You already have her attention, so you don’t need to keep being dismissive and overconfident all the way through. Start to try and establish a bit of an emotional connection and make her feel more comfortable around you, but don’t stray into ‘soppy’ territory.

It can take hours – or even multiple dates across weeks – for some women to become sufficiently comfortable around you to have sex. Other women might be happy to have a one-night stand. It all depends on the person.

Initiate Touch

After you’ve been flirting a while and she’s more comfortable around you, you can start to tentatively initiate some physical contact. The easiest way to do this, if you’re in a club or a bar, is to ask her to dance, but there are plenty of other ways to go about it.

The key here is to not be sleazy. Don’t randomly grab her butt – that’s not cool. It’s also a surefire way to be slapped or spend the night in jail.

You might, however, be able to put your arm on her back or around her shoulder playfully. These are just examples, but there are lots of ways to initiate touch.

Just make sure you know that she’s comfortable with it and, again, take it nice and slow. Once you start to initiate touch, you’re building intimacy between you and sending those sparks of electricity that are so important to seduction.

Stimulate her Erogenous Zones

This step is best saved until you’re nearly ready to ‘go in for the kill’, so to speak; when you’ve spent a few hours (or several dates) with the lady in question and there’s a definite spark between you.

Once you definitely have a connection and you think she might want to come home with you, you shouldn’t be trying to convince her that you’re worth talking to anymore – you’re trying to get her horny. One way we can do that is to stimulate her erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are areas of the female anatomy that are especially sensitive and stimulate sexual responses.

Related: The Complete Guide to Female Horniness

You know that classic scene from movies in which the dude shows the lady how to hold a golf club by standing behind her, reaching around and helping her to grab the club? How the closeness of his lips to her neck inevitably heightens the sexual tension until it’s almost unbearable, and the characters succumb to their desire and passionately kiss?

Well, that’s what we’re talking about here. In that classic example, her neck is the erogenous zone he stimulates, but there are many more. Her ears are another, and her scalp, nipples, lower back, and inner thighs.

We can easily come up with a few ways to subtly get some contact going with some of these zones and, hopefully, send sparks of electricity through her.

For example, one easy technique is to make some excuse to whisper something to her (maybe an invite back to your place).

When you lean in close to whisper into her ear, make sure your voice is breathy and sensual. The vibrations of your breath in her ear will send shivers up her spine and might just get her feeling frisky. (Side note: whispering is great for dirty talk in the bedroom too)

Another option is to place your hand on her lower back while you’re dancing. Obviously, tact is important here. Don’t do this if you don’t think it will be well-received or you might end up with a glass of water thrown on you. As I said, there’s a fine line between seductive and sleazy, and a lot of guys get it wrong.

If all goes well, she’ll start feeling horny and want to go to bed with you. If that happens, congratulations, you’re now a master of seduction.

Final Thoughts

That concludes this guide on how to be seductive. Follow the tips above and learn the basic principles of seduction and the ladies will be lining up in no time.

Remember though, seducing her is only half of the battle. If you want to convince her to stick around, you’ll need to satisfy her in the bedroom too. We’ve got a bunch of articles that will help you to learn what women want and give her the best orgasm of her life.

You might want to start with our ultimate sex tutorial or learn some new sex positions here.

Good luck and have fun!

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2 thoughts on “How to Be Seductive: A Gentleman’s Manual”

  1. There’s a woman that I really want to get with but I feel like I’m friend-zoned already. Will try some of these techniques out to see if they work. Thanks

    Reply

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