Dirty talk can be fun, exhilarating, and ridiculously exciting! But not everyone is comfortable talking this way with their partner. That’s exactly why I decided to write this guide! I’m going to share my best tips for talking dirty and teach you everything you need to know to open up a whole new world of pleasure!
So if you want to know things like…
- How to develop your own style of dirty talk!
- How to introduce dirty talk into your relationship
- How to escalate things sexually and start having mind-blowing sex!
…then keep reading!
By the end of this guide, you’ll have a range of strategies and techniques that you can use to build sexual tension, make your partner pine to be with you, and make your sex life better than ever!
In this guide, we’ll be discussing things like;
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I intentionally made this guide fairly long and detailed, so if you’re interested in something specific, just click on the topic above to skip straight ahead!
What is dirty talk?
Never heard of it before? Even if this phrase is new to you, you’ve probably heard filthy talk at some point! It goes by many names: ‘sexy talk,’ ‘love talk,’ and even ‘erotic talk.’ It’s all about using explicit words and word imagery to make flirting, sex, and lovemaking more exciting! You can talk dirty before, during, and after sex to build sexual tension and increase satisfaction. You can even use it for phone sex, when texting, calling, or video conferencing with your partner!
Why use dirty talk?
Your partner’s most important sexual organ isn’t their pussy or dick; it’s their brain. It’s where they become aroused and get turned on. When you talk dirty, it’s like you’re using language as a ‘vibrator’ for their mind! You’re using gross, dirty words to excite and arouse them and get them ready for sex! Ultimately, sex is all about making a deeper connection. And that’s exactly what goes on when you talk dirty, whether on a one night stand, over the phone, or in a long term relationship.
There are three main reasons to use dirty talk:
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To keep your partner thinking about you
Dirty talk is a great way of making sure that you’re always on your partner’s mind – whether they are at work, on vacation, or you’re going long-distance. Using the right words and phrases, at the right times, will make your partner constantly fantasize about you and crave to be with you. When you do meet, they’ll be excited, turned on, and ready for fun!
To increase sexual tension
Sexual tension is the magic spark that keeps any relationship alive. Dirty talk is one of the best ways to keep the spark alive and ratchet up the tension even more! It makes everything more passionate whether you’re in a long term relationship (LTR), a long-distance relationship (LDR), or even if you’re married! Erotic talk helps keep the spark of attraction going and helps get your partner aroused and in the mood for sex!
More satisfying sex
Erotic talk will make your sex life WAY more fun and invigorating! I promise! Something about using dirty, nasty profanities makes everything more enjoyable! Gross talk makes lovemaking sexier and makes orgasms stronger, harder, and longer-lasting!
So whether you want to learn how to escalate sexual tension, inject passion into your LTR or LDR, or just have wilder, more intense sex, dirty talk can make a great addition to your relationship!
How to get comfortable talking dirty
So now we’ve looked at all the amazing benefits of sexy talk, it’s time to look at how you do it! If you’re excited about getting started but don’t have any experience or feel shy or uncomfortable, then this is the section for you!
You see, it’s natural to feel a little intimidated by some of the words and phrases I’m about to share with you – you know, things like “Fuck me harder!” and “I’m going to make you SCREAM my name!”. Saying these types of things can make you feel a little weird or even ‘porny.’ But don’t worry, I have just the solution!
Develop your style of dirty talk
The reason why gross talk may feel ‘weird’ at first is that it isn’t the type of language you usually use. It’s someone else’s words and ideas about what sounds sexy to them. That’s why step one is developing your own, unique style of talking gross.
So grab something you can write on – a pen and paper or your laptop or phone – and make three columns. At the top of the first column write ‘Nouns,’ at the top of the next column write ‘Verbs,’ and then write ‘Adjectives’ on the third. Now think of the dirtiest words that come to mind for each column and write them down!
Need some pointers?
- For nouns, you might have things like ass, pussy, tits, and dick.
- For dirty verbs you might have things like choke, screw, spit, suck and fuck.
- And for adjectives, you might have things like nasty, delicious, hot, and naughty.
Whatever you think of – write it down!
Once you’ve finished your list, you’ll have your own personal bank of filthy words! You’ll naturally feel more comfortable saying them as they are words that you thought of! Once you have a set of words that you really like, you can build an infinite number of sentences out of them. This is your own style of naughty talk!
Write your own dirty talk sentences
The next step is to try making up your own sentences and write them down. If you’re stuck, here’s a template that will help:
“I really want you to (verb) my (noun) with your (adjective + noun)!”
This one little template does so much: it establishes consent, gives your partner guidance, and builds sexual tension by encouraging them to escalate things! If you memorize this one sentence, you’ll always have something to say during foreplay, sex, and in the bedroom!
Simply pick words from your own personal list to make comprehensible sentences and write them down. For example: “I really want you to rim my ass with your dirty little tongue!” Try to make at least two examples for each of the following categories:
- Things to say during foreplay
- Things to say in the bedroom, while having sensual, loving sex.
- Things to say in the bedroom, having filthy, nasty sex.
Need some ideas?
I really want you to lick my neck with your incredible tongue!
During sensual, loving sex
I really want you to smother my face with your beautiful breasts!
During filthy, nasty sex
I really want to you fuck my pussy with your massive dick!
This may feel awkward at first, but you’ll soon get the hang of it!
Practice talking gross to yourself
Once you’ve got your own set of erotic sentences, you may feel a little unsure about saying them to your partner. Maybe you’re worried about clamming up in the heat of the moment. Or maybe you just aren’t that comfortable sexually. Here’s what to do: Find a time to be alone, maybe in the shower or bath, and enjoy some solo sexy time! Then practice saying your filthy sentences to yourself!
Hear the words roll off your tongue. Play with the intonation. How do the words sound? Weird? Funny? Sexy? Play around with them until they feel kinda good, and you feel comfortable saying them. Solo sexy time is a great time to do this – it’s like you’re making love to yourself! Try looking at yourself in the mirror while you touch yourself and tell yourself all the hot, nasty, filthy things you want to do!
Practice using hyperbole
Once you’re comfortable talking gross to yourself, one of the best techniques you should develop is using hyperbole, i.e., exaggeration. This is where you say something that you don’t literally mean, like;
“I’m going to fuck you all night.”
Hyperbolic sentences are awesome because they make your partner feel incredibly desirable, and that’s the key to turning them on! After all, you’d only do something ALL NIGHT to someone really hot, right? You don’t actually need to do it – but your words will have a big impact on your partner’s arousal levels!
This time, there’s no need to write anything down. Just riff off the ideas in your dirty sentences. For example:
- I could just stroke your soft, sexy body all night!
- I could just make love to you till morning!
- I could fuck you for hours!
Once you’re comfortable saying these things to yourself, you’re finished! You now have your own completely unique style of sexy talk!
How to talk dirty with confidence
So far, I’ve shown you how to develop your own style of erotic talk. But before I give you my ultimate sentences and phrases lower down on this page, but first, I want to help you learn how to talk gross with confidence!
There are THREE main factors you need to consider:
- Your body language
- Your voice
- The context
Let me break these down for you:
Your body language
90% of communication is non-verbal – it’s not what you say; it’s how you say it and what you do while the words are leaving your lips! The secret to being confident with erotic talk is to make sure that your body language syncs with what you’re saying.
Let’s say you think up the hottest sentence imaginable, like “When we get home, I’m going to make you cum so hard,” but when you say it to your partner, you just sit still, with your arms in your lap, not making eye contact. It’s NOT going to be that effective, right?
Now, imagine saying the same thing while trailing your fingers along your partner’s inner thighs, staring them straight in the eye, and gazing at them for a few moments afterward. MUCH more powerful, isn’t it? Do it just right, and they’ll eat it up. It’ll drive them crazy with lust and expectation!
Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to be super aggressive or wear the pants in the relationship. It simply means that you have to match what you say with your body language. If you’re naturally quite shy and reserved, bring this into your gross talk by saying something like, “I’m kinda blushing just saying this, but I’ve really missed the taste of your cock/pussy.” It’s sweet, erotic, and genuine, and you’re not trying to be something your not, so it’s effective.
The next most important factor is your voice: specifically, the speed and tone of your voice. These two things go hand in hand, and there’s one simple rule I want you to remember:
Speak very slowly, and very softly when talking gross, except when having dirty sex.
It’s that simple.
90% of the time, you want to talk gross using a very soft, whisper-like voice. Use a sultry, breathy tone, as if you’re trying to hypnotize your partner. Slow your speech down so that your partner feels every single word. This style works for almost all situations – during phone sex, on a date, out in public, on a plane, on your couch when you’re making out, and even during intimate loving sex!
The only time you want to get louder is when you’re having sweaty, nasty sex! THIS is the time you can let loose and scream as if your life depends on it. Sometimes you can say very similar things to what you’d say earlier – just louder! For example, during foreplay, you could whisper something filthy like, “I want you to fuck me hard!” and make it seem quite sweet. But if you scream the same thing while you’re having hot sex, that works too! It’s all about the context, which leads to the third factor…
The third important factor is the context. You have to match what you say with the situation and your feelings. Luckily, there’s a really simple rule that will help you:
Always start with something light, tame and loving, then slowly get more naughty.
To give you an example, imagine you’re on a date, and things are going really well. Your partner says how lovely you look and how great the place is. This would be the absolute worse time to say something gross like “Do you know how wet/hard I am for you right now?” You’d kill the mood and scupper your chances of things escalating. It’s too much, too soon.
So, you need to tailor what you say to the situation and build things up in baby steps. Make your date or partner feel comfortable first, then introduce a little tension with some flirty banter and escalate things from there. Don’t worry; I’ll show you exactly how to do that in the next section!
So to wrap up, those three things – your body language, your voice, and the context – are all important when it comes to talking filthy with confidence!
How to introduce dirty talk with your partner
Now it’s time to look at how to take the plunge and introduce erotic talk with your partner. Here are my tips for gross talking with your significant other.
If you want to start talking dirty with your partner, the start could be as honest and simple as asking them! This is especially true if you want to try talking dirty over the phone and start having phone sex. Just say something sweet like, “Want me to get your off over the phone?”. See how they react. This can seem scary – after all, you can’t read body language over the phone, and they may say no, but if you don’t ask, you won’t get!
Send a dirty message
Another way to break the ice is to send your partner a sexy text message like, “Do you want to hear my moan over the phone while you rub one out?”. This lets you establish consent, without risking too much. You can also send a suggestive photo with a dirty caption. It could be a shot of your pantie line, or the bulge in your pants, or of you biting your lips suggestively. Add a dirty caption and click send!
Use flirty banter to create tension
Want to introduce dirty talk face to face? The golden rule is making your partner feel comfortable first. They need to feel that there’s no pressure, and they won’t be judged, no matter how freaky the conversation gets! And the best way to do that is with flirty banter. It helps create a little tension and gets that ‘spark’ going.
Say you’re on a date. A neutral, boring thing to say would be, “I can’t believe how lucky I am to be with you!”. Urghh! What a turnoff! A better thing to say would be, “You’re lucky I managed to fit you into my schedule!”. Say it with a big smirk on your face, so your partner knows you’re joking! This puts a little bit of tension between you and lays the groundwork for gross talk!
Another way is to find one of your partner’s weird quirks and tease them about it. Be goodhearted – not mean and malicious. Like if your ordering coffee and they make a complicated request, say something like, “Oh, I think you forgot to ask them for the Unicorn milk!”. Saying it jokingly, and teasingly and you’ll start creating a little tension. This makes it easier to slip into erotic talk later!
Escalate with baby steps
Once you’ve got a little tension going, it’s all about taking baby steps. Say something cheeky like, “Just because I bought you a drink, doesn’t mean you owe me anything!” This helps you turn the conversation slightly sexual and lets you see if your date or partner is into it. If they aren’t, then respect that and change the subject. But if they are, you can get a little dirtier!
Say something enticing and exciting such as “You smell like a beautiful flower that I just want to eat up.” If you say this sincerely, with the right delivery, you’ll unlock your partner’s sexual side that they usually keep suppressed. They’ll relax and start feeling more at ease, even when the conversation gets grosser and dirtier! Where you take things from, there is a decision I leave to you!
Example dirty talk phrases to try tonight
As I mentioned earlier, there are three main reasons to try dirty talk; Keeping your partner thinking about you, increasing sexual tension, and having better sex. Here are my top ten most effective gross talk sentences and phrases for each of these goals that you can practice using TONIGHT…and start seeing some amazing results!
1. Erotic talk to keep your partner thinking about you
These are ten dirty things you can say over the phone or in a flirty text or as a caption for a sexy photo or suggestive emoji!
- I could barely walk after last night, just wanted to say ‘Thank you’!
- We need to meet after work, I’m crazy horny right now.
- I should be focusing on work right now, but all I can think of is you!
- I can’t stop thinking about the taste of your skin.
- Last night was incredible, I came so damn hard.
- All I can think about is what I want to do to you later.
- I’m so wet/hard thinking about you right now!
- You’re not going to believe the sexy surprise I have for you – you’re going to love it!
- Thinking about what you’re wearing right now is driving me insane!
- This is the last thing you’re dick/clit is going to see before I go down on you later (Use this as a caption for a close-up shot of your nose or eye!)
2. Erotic talk to increase sexual tension
Here are ten dirty things you can whisper while out in public, or on a date, or while making out.
- If it wasn’t for all these people, I’d jump you right here and now!
- Kinda embarrassed saying this, but I need your cock/pussy so bad right now!
- It’s making me blush just thinking about how much I want your tits/ass/cock/pussy.
- God, I just need to feel you inside me.
- I want to hear you tell me how much you love me while I touch myself.
- I’ve been a bad boy/bad girl, what are you going to do with me?
- Love it when you wear tight clothes – can’t wait to rip them off you.
- You look so fucking hot right now!
- Tonight I’m going to tick a few things off my bucket list!
- I just want you to fuck me so bad right now, you wouldn’t believe!
3. Erotic talk for more satisfying sex
Here are ten insanely dirty things you can say during foreplay or sex to escalate the sexual tension and make the sex red hot!
- I’m going to make you come so hard you fucking explode!
- Do you want me to go down on you, or rim you, or both?
- I want you to fuck me so hard I can’t walk straight tomorrow.
- Sit on my face babe, and don’t get off until I make you cum.
- Baby, just do whatever the fuck you want to me.
- I can’t wait to feel you cum inside me/ cum on me
- Make me your fuck toy
- Nothing feels better than making you cum.
- Grab my hair and just fucking rail me!
- I’m going to make you cum so hard you start screaming my name!
While I promise these sentences will get results if you say them the right way at the right time. But I still encourage you to develop your own style and make them authentically yours! Use these sentences as templates and then swap in your own dirty nouns, verbs, and adjectives to create erotic sentences that are uniquely yours!
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Advanced dirty talk
So now you know the three main ways to use dirty talk to turn your partner on, it’s time to look at a more advanced way of using erotic talk in the bedroom. In case you weren’t aware, most people pass through six specific stages of sexual arousal.
- Stage 1: Building desire
- Stage 2: Warmup
- Stage 3: Build-up
- Stage 4: Approach
- Stage 5: Orgasm
- Stage 6: Cooldown and rebuilding
To master the art of advanced filthy talk, you need to know the types of words and phrases that work best at each stage of your partner’s arousal cycle. When you know this, it’s like having your own verbal sex toy that you can use to tap into your partner’s mind! You’ll be able to make them hornier faster, make them cum quicker, and make their orgasms even stronger and more satisfying!
Stage 1: Dirty talk to build desire
Use can use erotic talk to build desire even if you aren’t physically with your partner, by leaving them filthy voice messages or sending them dirty text messages. You can turn them on, arouse them, and start building their desire so that when you do meet up, they’ll already be quite turned on!
Some good ideas include:
- I NEED you right now, can’t wait to see you later.
- How come you’re never around when I’m horny!
- Wish you were here with me right now.
Using phrases like these will get your partner dripping wet or rock hard with anticipation! If you’re really good, or if your partner is really receptive, they might be ready to bang as soon as you meet! Read my best quickie sex positions here!
Stage 2: Erotic talk to get your partner warmed up
The next type of filthy talk is things you’d say when you’re serious about having sex with your partner. The ideas from the list above – 2. Increase sexual tension – work well here. You can say these things while you’re being intimate and making out.
If your partner is female, you could say things like:
- I could eat your pussy for days. (while touching her inner-thigh)
- I want you to sit on my face until you cum. (while stroking around her groin through her pants).
- Seeing you squirm makes me so fucking hard. (while licking her neck).
If your partner is male, try things like:
- You focus on the movie, I’ll focus on you. (While stroking his legs)
- Do you wanna cum on my face, or on my breasts, or both?
- I wanna be your little fuck doll.
This type of gross talk helps you escalate things from the couch to the bedroom – or you can just stay on the couch (hey – no judgment here!).
Stage 3: Gross talk to use during the build-up phase
So next stage is the type of gross talk you’d use during foreplay, oral sex, and intercourse. Filthy talk during this stage will help build your partner’s arousal levels and get their motor running!
If your partner is female, say things like:
- Just relax baby, I wanna do this for you.
- Your pussy tastes so fucking good, I can’t stop!
- I fucking love eating/fucking your pussy, I could eat/fuck it all night!
If your partner is male, try things like:
- OMG, you’re so fucking big I can’t breathe!
- Your dick tastes fucking amazing!
- You’re so hard my pussy can’t take it!
As you can see, there’s a whole range of options, so you can be as sweet and loving or as filthy and nasty as you want!
Stage 4: Dirty things to say during the approach phase
The approach phase is when you’re having sex, and you or your partner’s orgasm comes onto the horizon. During this phase, most women need consistency – they need the exact same motion, no harder, no slower, again, and again until they cum. Men are slightly different – they don’t mind if things get harder and faster! Dirty talk is good here for two reasons. First – it lets your partner know you’re coming. Second, it lets you communicate what you want!
Dirty things to say when your approaching orgasm:
- Yeah, fuck me just like that! Get my best rough sex tips here!
- Don’t fucking stop!
- Holy shit, I’m coming!
Sometimes just letting your partner know with a simple “Yeah baby, I’m coming” is a good idea. Otherwise, they’ll have to focus on your non-verbal cues such as deeper breathing, or how much you are arching your back and moaning.
Dirty things to say when you’re partner is coming:
- Fuck yeah, just like that!
- Yeah, that’s what I want!
- I want to fucking taste you!
Saying filthy nasty things when your partner is approaching orgasm helps them relax and makes them cum much harder! Try it and see!
Stage 5: Filthy talk during orgasm
If you’ve played your cards right, by this point, you’ll just be shouting and screaming each other’s names or all the crazy things you want to do to each other. No explanation is necessary!
Stage 6: Talking dirty after orgasm
After your partner cums, you want to tone things down a bit and say something gentle and loving. Let them know how amazing the sex was! This post-cum period is an especially important phase for women as they need time to cool down, but they also have the chance to rebuild.
You might say things like,
- Let’s spend all day together completely naked!
- Mmmmmm, that was amazing, you taste so good. (This works great if they just came in your mouth!)
- Why don’t I stroke around you pussy and see whether you want to go again?
The right type of dirty talk at this phase can help a woman build up to a second orgasm! Most women prefer the types of light, indirect touches that felt good during the earlier phases of her arousal cycle, like stroking around her pussy. But some women can squeeze their pelvic floor muscles and just orgasm again, especially if you’re whispering dirty things into her ear such as how turned on it makes you feel when she cums. Give it a go!
Dirty talk, dominance, and submission
No guide to erotic talk would be complete without mentioning dominance and submission! The possibilities are breathtaking, and you can make things as tame or as intense as you want. In this section, I’ll show you how to work some dominant and submissive dirty talk into your sex life. You can use this type of talk during regular foreplay and sex or start exploring more complex aspects of BDSM, such as role-play, restraint, and bondage.
How to dominate your partner with filthy talk
Talking gross to your partner is a fantastic way of dominating them and reinforcing their submissive role. These phrases can really spice up your regular sex life, such as oral sex and penetrative sex, and work great for phone sex, too!
One of the best sentence templates you can use is:
“I really love how you (verb) your (body part) all over my (body part).”
This sentence lets you give your partner direction, praise, and encouragement while also establishing consent. If you suggest something too ‘out there’ like making them gag and drool over your dick/pussy, then this sentence gives them a chance to object or let you know they’re not into it.
My six most powerful, dominant sexy talk sentences are:
- Tell me how much you fucking want it.
- Beg me for it!
- I’m going to do whatever I want to you.
- Lie down and shut up.
- Get on your knees.
- I’m gonna spank you until you start crying with pleasure.
Being dominant doesn’t mean you have to break out the whips and chains. It simply means asserting your role in the relationship and marking boundaries.
How to submit to your partner with filthy talk
Talking gross is also a great way of showing your partner that you’re submissive. Perhaps you’re the naughty secretary or their very own sex slave. Showing submissiveness can be a real turn on, and it helps encourage your partner to escalate things by expressing their dominance and submission fantasies!
My six most powerful submissive sexy talk sentences are:
- Do whatever you want to me.
- I’m your little fuck doll.
- Your wish is my command.
- Grab my hair and make me choke/gag/scream!
- Make me beg for your cock/pussy.
- Treat me like a little whore.
There are so many ways that you can build submissiveness into gross talk. You can use it at any stage of your partner’s arousal cycle – even before things reach the bedroom! Submissive gross talk is great for phone calls, phone sex, text messages, and even while out and about on a date or in public!
If you were curious about dirty talk, hopefully, this guide has answered all your questions! I’ve shown you the exact steps that you need to take to develop your own dirty talk style. I’ve shown you how to get comfortable with it and how to use it confidently. But I’ve just scratched the surface of what’s possible, and there’s plenty left for you to discover!
So, what are you waiting for? Start developing your own unique style of gross talk right now and try it out with your partner tonight… you’re sure to LOVE the results!